Advice on the first draft Forum

[052106]

Hey guys. My PS is more of short lifestory, please advice if this is appropriate or not for the law school PS.
Appreciate any input. (this is first draft, so ignore any errors)
Thanks,


edited out. thanks

[billyez]

It just seems like a rather boring way to inform us of what could be a really interesting story. The problem with using your PS as an opportunity to write a short biography is that it distances you from the reader. Medicore biographies convey the facts surrounding a life, they don't develop them further into a coherent narrative that ties together the themes of a life. I feel that's the case here. You don't need to tell us your life story. You need to convey to us what kind of person you are by using your lfie experiences as a medium to see who you are with piercing clarity.

You left your family at the age of 15. Now that's a story - you could build your PS around that. I think that would be an engaging narrative.

[052106]

It just seems like a rather boring way to inform us of what could be a really interesting story. The problem with using your PS as an opportunity to write a short biography is that it distances you from the reader. Medicore biographies convey the facts surrounding a life, they don't develop them further into a coherent narrative that ties together the themes of a life. I feel that's the case here. You don't need to tell us your life story. You need to convey to us what kind of person you are by using your lfie experiences as a medium to see who you are with piercing clarity.

You left your family at the age of 15. Now that's a story - you could build your PS around that. I think that would be an engaging narrative.

So do you think I should concentrate on one thing and make a story out of it, rather than just telling the story of life? I was thinking of it, but I didnt want to miss on some other important (I thought) moments of my past... after all, we only got 2 pages to fill. So what if I just write a story of me leaving home at 15, and then put all the other stuff in a form of a list in a diversity letter? what do you think?

[billyez]

So do you think I should concentrate on one thing and make a story out of it, rather than just telling the story of life? I was thinking of it, but I didnt want to miss on some other important (I thought) moments of my past... after all, we only got 2 pages to fill. So what if I just write a story of me leaving home at 15, and then put all the other stuff in a form of a list in a diversity letter? what do you think?

I think that's exactly what you should do. When you write about the story of your life, the PS can get more than a little unweildy. Having it grounded in one or two events makes it more manageable and effective. Although, I do wish at least one other person would read this and give their opinion so I can feel my analysis isn't unfounded.

[052106]

anyone else? any feedback?

[blink]

i agree with the first poster. and get rid of the first sentence, its pointless.

[BriaTharen]

You need to do a lot more showing, rather than telling. Your first sentence or two is your time to hook the reader- work on that as well.

[CanadianWolf]

The first few sentences are a bit confusing; for example, were you living in the streets at age four or are you misusing the expression of being raised in the streets?
It is clear that English is not your first language since your writing is awkward and unconventional.
Have you taken the LSAT exam? My best guess is that it may prove to be quite difficult for you due to your rudimentary or, perhaps, semi-fluent, knowledge the English language.
A biographical personal statement is acceptable when it offers insight into the applicant's formative experiences and motivations. Your personal statement needs substantial refinement even though I found it interesting.

[jdhonest]

The first few sentences are a bit confusing; for example, were you living in the streets at age four or are you misusing the expression of being raised in the streets?
It is clear that English is not your first language since your writing is awkward and unconventional.
Have you taken the LSAT exam? My best guess is that it may prove to be quite difficult for you due to your rudimentary or, perhaps, semi-fluent, knowledge the English language.

Filibuster.