GPA/Urinating--Submitted, thanks for help. Forum

[Irrelephant]

Is it foolish to submit two addendums? I just want to know if these shed some light on my situation of if it seems like I'm making excuses

GPA Addendum
A few weeks after starting college I received a life changing phone call from my mother. She spoke calmly yet sobbed as she explained to me that she had been diagnosed with cancer of the thyroid a week before. Over the next two quarters, my performance in school suffered dramatically as I grieved and traveled back and forth between school and my home in order to fulfill the family obligations which stemmed from this diagnosis. As a result, I requested to be dropped from my classes but was only granted a late withdrawal for one course. My mother returned to better health as she beat cancer during the spring quarter of my freshmen year. At this point, I was finally able to devote my focus towards school, and my GPA for the quarters that followed is a better indicator of my aptitude as a student.

Urinating in Public Addendum
In 2008, I was written a citation for urinating in public. I have no excuse for my conduct and will instead outline the facts regarding this event. In August, I returned home from school in order to visit with family and friends. After spending the day with family, I received a call from a friend who stated that he had just arrived back in town after living in Florida for almost a year. A friend and I drove over to his house to pick him up and waited in the car while he made his way outside. After waiting for around twenty minutes, I realized that I had to use the restroom immediately. I could of either entered my friend's house who was owned and inhabited by his mother who was being sued by my father, or I could urinate outside in a remote area with no street lights. Unfortunately, I decided to avoid the possible confrontation with my friend's parents and opted to urinate outside in a bush. This event resulted in an infraction as urinating in public is a violation of California state law.

[TheTopBloke]

LOL! Thanks for sharing. I think they are very well written. A urination addendum, that's a first. I commend you on your leadership!

If I were you I'd separate the two, or lead in with the urination, and finish with the GPA.

[Irrelephant]

They're separate. There was a urinating one before but he was drunk and peed in a school elevator.

[deadatheist]

A urination addendum, that's a first.

not really
http://www.top-law-schools.com/forums/v ... 8&start=25

i think between jokes in here there's actual advice. i'd scrap pretty much all the "Facts" you mention in the 2nd... like the friend who'd been away nearly a year (maybe it's just me, but i think...so what?)

gl

also... dont' say "could of" in an addendum

[PDaddy]

I know you are just..."pissed" that you even have to write about it. lol. But you did a good job.

[cherryalamode]

Why does everyone write "could of"??? It's could HAVE!!!

And this is funny by the way (the peeing infraction, lol)...

[EzraStiles]

These are excellent addendums! Terse, to the point, and not filled with self-pity.

I would recommend cutting "After spending the day with family, I received a call from a friend who stated that he had just arrived back in town after living in Florida for almost a year. A friend and I drove over to his house to pick him up and waited in the car while he made his way outside." as it attempts to tell a full story that I don't think is necessary. Overall though, I like these more than the majority of excuse-filled addenda here on TLS.

[TheTopBloke]

Agreed, could have, not could of. The story was just so compelling, so riveting, I didn't even catch it.

[Irrelephant]

"could of"

wow...

I've had a long day.

Thanks for the feedback.. And yes I'm very "pissed" I had to write this.

[Scrutinizer]

Just in case your eyes glaze over and you miss this while you're editing:

........ my friend's house [strike]who[/strike] which was owned and inhabited by his mother who was being sued by my father

[beef wellington]

Why were you only allowed to withdraw from one course? Were your other teachers really that dickish?