Anyone have input on my PS? Forum

kaya_belly · Post by **kaya_belly** » Sat Jan 30, 2010 1:31 pm

Thanks!

Irrelephant · Post by **Irrelephant** » Sat Jan 30, 2010 6:59 pm

This is a great PS. The conclusion wraps it up nicely.

The "virtual autism encyclopedia" is a bit awkward and the first paragraph could use some reworking.

kaya_belly · Post by **kaya_belly** » Sat Jan 30, 2010 8:59 pm

Thank you for the feedback! You are absolutely right about the "virtual autism encyclopedia"....it's out. As far as the first paragraph, I have really struggled with it. I can at least say that it isn't the crap that it once was, but I know it still needs work. Thanks again.

Irrelephant · Post by **Irrelephant** » Sat Jan 30, 2010 9:46 pm

1st paragraph isn't bad.. It is just a little too descriptive and it kind of takes away from the purpose of your PS.

Id appreciate some feedback on mine if you have some time on your hands.

ravens20 · Post by **ravens20** » Sat Jan 30, 2010 9:51 pm

Good overall essay. The first paragraph seemed too flowery at times; you would be better served getting to the point of the essay in a more direct fashion. Also, in the sentence beginning with "Next" in the first paragraph, I don't think you need a comma.

Anyone have input on my PS? Forum

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