critique academic addendum, please :-) Forum

[Kate07]

deleted

[jackassjim]

Scrap the wedding and moving part. That's just not relevant and it shows you can't juggle multiple obligations. Be much more matter of fact and straightforward, and make it much shorter. Also, the order is all wrong. The first thing that happened is that you took depression medication, then you got the sanctions, then you got better.

My re-write:

In January 2005, I sought treatment for depression and started taking an antidepressant medication. Soon after, my condition worsened dramatically and I dropped five courses over two successive quarters. Dropping these courses led the University of ??? to give me two academic warnings, an informal sanction that is not reported on the transcript.

In May 2006, I was correctly diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Antidepressant medications, especially without additional mood stabilizing medication, are a known danger for people with bipolar disorder. Looking back, it is clear to me that my adverse reaction to the medication explains my academic problems during the spring 05 and winter 06 quarters.

I withdrew from an additional course in spring 2007. This decision was unrelated to the aformentioned health problems. I chose to withdraw from that course to have more time to spend with my family when my father faced a serious health emergency.