Is This Sentence Proper? Forum

[Dr. Dre]

i dont like when you say "shut up"

Funny, that was my favorite part.

How can I politely say that op made me lol?

Seriously, though, the only way op will be taken seriously is if this sentence is altogether omitted.

yup. that sentence just makes me want to pimp slap op.

[Nova]

that sentence just makes me want to pimp slap op.

You wont be able to get away with that once her qualifications speak for themselves.

[CO2016YEAH]

that sentence just makes me want to pimp slap op.

You wont be able to get away with that once her qualifications speak for themselves.

Zing!

[Dr. Dre]

My choice for Cornell Law School is a well-thought-out decision. Matriculating at Cornell Law will be an indication of my work-ethic, intellectual curiosity, and perseverance to overcome gender inequalities in our society. In addition, a Cornell JD will equip me with the tools to move forward: [INSERT CAREER GOAL HERE].

[CO2016YEAH]

My choice for Cornell Law School is a well-thought-out decision. Matriculating at Cornell Law will be an indication of my work-ethic, intellectual curiosity, and perseverance to overcome gender inequalities in our society. In addition, a Cornell JD will equip me with the tools to move forward: [INSERT CAREER GOAL HERE].

Well done, Dre.

Op, your statement is best delivered with a positive and progressive tone, absent of any conveyance of hostility or bitterness. I believe this to be good advice for most correspondence. Calm confidence comes across much more pleasant and desirable than bitterness coupled with having something to prove.

Good luck.

[rinkrat19]

My choice for Cornell Law School is a well-thought-out decision. Matriculating at Cornell Law will be an indication of my work-ethic, intellectual curiosity, and perseverance to overcome gender inequalities in our society. In addition, a Cornell JD will equip me with the tools to move forward: [INSERT CAREER GOAL HERE].

choice OF, not choice FOR
"well thought-out" should only have the second hyphen
"work ethic" shouldn't have any
"perseverance to overcome..." is awkward used there, if not outright wrong.
"equip me with the tools" is cliche

[kaiser]

Alright, I understand how the original sentence might have come across and here's how I revised it:

"Hence, my choice of Cornell Law School goes beyond mere fascination with its name and prestige; it is a well-thought-out decision. Going to Cornell will signal to my peers that, despite my gender, I am to be taken seriously. I will not be a mere “woman” who somebody could shut up because “she does not know what she is talking about.” This will help me tremendously in my pursuit and future goals."

I'm not sure what the context is or what you are writing about, but I would reconsider the tone and content

[Dr. Dre]

"equip me with the tools" is cliche

not at all

[ManoftheHour]

Tigress flame?

"When I am a Cornell graduate, I will not be just any other woman who somebody could shut up because “ she does not know what she is talking about”; my qualifications will then speak for themselves to refute whatever opposition I will encounter."

She still has yet to tell us why Cornell.

Alright, I understand how the original sentence might have come across and here's how I revised it:

"Hence, my choice of Cornell Law School goes beyond mere fascination with its name and prestige; it is a well-thought-out decision. Going to Cornell will signal to my peers that, despite my gender, I am to be taken seriously. I will not be a mere “woman” who somebody could shut up because “she does not know what she is talking about.” This will help me tremendously in my pursuit and future goals."

Damn. I'm a genius.