Feedback on my personal statement Forum
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- Posts: 445
- Joined: Thu Jun 24, 2010 1:40 pm
Re: Feedback on my personal statement
First of all, spell Rayburn right. Secondly, if you read through the essays on these forums, how many applicants' hearts pump loudly in the first sentence?
- Eugenie Danglars
- Posts: 2353
- Joined: Wed Jul 07, 2010 12:04 pm
Re: Feedback on my personal statement
I'd be happy to edit it with Track Changes in Word, but I am not good at editing in a forum posting window...
I'm great with grammar and commas * hint hint *
mlle.danglars@gmail.com
I'm great with grammar and commas * hint hint *
mlle.danglars@gmail.com
- maroonzoon
- Posts: 53
- Joined: Thu Jul 08, 2010 9:38 pm
Re: Feedback on my personal statement
Cut it down to one or two very meaningful stories. I would leave out IT altogether, since you said you are going to law school to save the world.
Besides the passive voice problem and commas, I think you are a victim of obfuscation. Write everything as simple and low-vocab as possible. Take every paragraph and rewrite it in half the words. Then do it again. Read some Hemingway.
Besides the passive voice problem and commas, I think you are a victim of obfuscation. Write everything as simple and low-vocab as possible. Take every paragraph and rewrite it in half the words. Then do it again. Read some Hemingway.
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