LGBT Diversity Statement Forum

[Mack.Hambleton]

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[okaygo]

By some major stroke of luck, my story of growing up as a member of the LGBT community in a rural, conservative West Michigan town is not the expected sob story.

I find you calling the struggles of some LGBT individuals a 'sob story' offensive. After reading your whole statement I see what you were trying to say, but I would change the wording.

Compared to what other kids had to face, including personal friends in the same school I, I went through relatively unscathed.

This sentence is kind of wordy. Maybe try 'Compared to what my peers faced'. Also, went through what unscathed? Coming out? Being gay? High school?

Either way, I think this luxury of growing up in an unexpectedly tolerant environment has allowed me to be more secure in who I am and made me feel as though I should do what I can to help the community, to help those who have it worse than I.

This is a run on sentence. There's a more succinct way of making your point. Or at the very least make it two sentences.

Since early in high school when I began to fully explore and understand my sexuality, I’ve tried to embrace this attitude and responsibility I’ve placed on myself to better the community.

I don't really like this sentence either. I would suggest to take out the word 'attitude'. Maybe just say 'Early in high school I began to fully explore and understand my sexuality. In doing so I worked to embrace the responsibility I've placed on myself to better my community' something like that.

While I was a junior in high school, I was fortunate enough to be in the position to help with the foundation of the first Gay Straight Alliance in my area. There was quite a bit of resistance, ranging from opposition by the administrator to angry letters to the editor in our local newspaper, but after all it was a public high school, and we were able to pressure the administration to acquiesce.

Nice description of action. I don't like the bolded portion. Someone who pressures the administration to acquiesce doesn't sound like someone I want in my law class. But someone who works with the administration to mediate a solution despite tensions? Very mature. I like that guy.

The next chapter of my involvement in the LGBT community began when, at the behest of my parents and my Texas connections, I enrolled at Baylor University my freshman year. A longstanding member of the Princeton Review’s list of most LGBT unfriendly schools, Baylor University did naturally make me a little nervous, but rather than wallow in self-pity about the less than ideal environment I was placed in, I took action.

Why did you decide to go to a school that was so unfriendly to LGBT students? Was it because no one else accepted you? Hmmm, Potential red flag. Or was your decision to attend Baylor fueled by your desire to help eradicate the bigotry? How noble of you.

Soon after enrolling I joined the Sexual Identity Forum, Baylor’s unofficial (due to school policy) LGBT group. This group allowed me to engage positively with other students and try my hand at activism, including an incident where I noticed an upper level sociology course entitled “Homosexuality as a Gateway Drug,” spread word about this seemingly homophobic class, and eventually saw the University change the name (which is significant as far as Baylor goes) after the story was featured on some major media outlets like the Huffington Post.

This block of text should have more than two sentences. Also, go you! That's pretty cool.

After transferring to an exceptionally more accepting school, my heart has still remained with those I knew in high school and in Texas who don’t live in a place where different sexual orientations are tolerated. As I made the decision to attend law school, my continuing passion to further equality played a key role, and my interest in public interest and civil rights law will hopefully provide a basis for the next step I take in furthering the goals of the LGBT community as I start my career.

Instead of basis use the word foundation.

[Ramius]

Since early in high school when I began to fully explore and understand my sexuality, I’ve tried to embrace this attitude and responsibility I’ve placed on myself to better the community.

I think okaygo hit a lot of the big points on this statement, but I just wanted to give one more impression that would suggest rewording this sentence. Regardless of sexual orientation, I think it comes off badly to explain how you were "fully exploring" your sexuality. Whether LGBT or straight, it suggests to me how you were actually EXPLORING your sexuality, which as a professional school, I want to hear nothing about. Just rephrase with something like this:

"Since early in high school when I began to better understand my sexuality, I've tried to embrace the responsibility I've placed on myself to better the community."

It's shorter, simpler, and leaves out any negative connotations that might come with the word "attitude" and "fully exploring...my sexuality."

Good luck with the revisions!

[Mack.Hambleton]

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