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Anonymous Posting
Anonymous posting is only appropriate when you are sharing sensitive information about bar exam prep. You may anonymously respond on topic to these threads. Unacceptable uses include: harassing another user, joking around, testing the feature, or other things that are more appropriate in the lounge.
Failure to follow these rules will get you outed, warned, or banned."
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sailormoon
- Posts: 44
- Joined: Thu Jan 19, 2012 10:27 pm
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2LT_CPG
- Posts: 272
- Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2011 7:26 pm
Re: Transgender Applicant, Need Feedback on my PS and DS,
My first instinct is to say that opening by outright saying you were raped may not be the way to go. I get that overcoming adversity stems from this, but it's fairly shocking to include as an opening line in your personal statement. Maybe tone it down, or say you suffered abuse for who you are? As far as the other content is concerned, I'd focus on and expand your third paragraph.
I don't mean this to be offensive, but is English your primary language? I ask because a lot of the writing is sloppy, words are used incorrectly, and the grammar is poor overall. You have an overuse of the passive voice, awkward phrasing, inconsistency (using the words 'trans' and 'transgender' interchangeably), and you misuse punctuation ('Straight A's). I'd edit the whole thing for you, but I'd say get it to a friend who's an English major or give it to an English professor to shop it.
Also, delete the comment about Muslims. I get what you're trying to say, but you need to avoid controversial statements about religion in your personal statement.
I don't mean this to be offensive, but is English your primary language? I ask because a lot of the writing is sloppy, words are used incorrectly, and the grammar is poor overall. You have an overuse of the passive voice, awkward phrasing, inconsistency (using the words 'trans' and 'transgender' interchangeably), and you misuse punctuation ('Straight A's). I'd edit the whole thing for you, but I'd say get it to a friend who's an English major or give it to an English professor to shop it.
Also, delete the comment about Muslims. I get what you're trying to say, but you need to avoid controversial statements about religion in your personal statement.
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sailormoon
- Posts: 44
- Joined: Thu Jan 19, 2012 10:27 pm
Re: Transgender Applicant, Need Feedback on my PS and DS,
thanks! yes, english is not a first language. one of the barriers so far, even with LSAT. i will def edit.
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sailormoon
- Posts: 44
- Joined: Thu Jan 19, 2012 10:27 pm
Re: Transgender Applicant, Need Feedback on my PS and DS,
also, could you pm me the words that you think I used incorrectly? i often use the dictionary to find what words to use but sometimes i may be using them in the wrong context. thanks!
