Please Critique! DS Forum
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Anonymous Posting
Anonymous posting is only appropriate when you are sharing sensitive information about bar exam prep. You may anonymously respond on topic to these threads. Unacceptable uses include: harassing another user, joking around, testing the feature, or other things that are more appropriate in the lounge.
Failure to follow these rules will get you outed, warned, or banned."
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avd90
- Posts: 391
- Joined: Sat Dec 03, 2011 7:26 pm
Please Critique! DS
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Last edited by avd90 on Wed Jan 11, 2012 10:36 am, edited 1 time in total.
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tfcorso
- Posts: 2
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Re: Please Critique! DS
Redundancy - Puerto Rican mother twice in first two sentences. Suggest leaving "Puerto Rican" out of the first sentence, making the reader question why your grandmother didn't approve of the marriage, which is answered in the second sentence. I'll read more later. Just wanted to say that before I forgot because I've got to go run an errand.
