Diversity Statement - any feedback much appreciated ! Forum
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Anonymous posting is only appropriate when you are sharing sensitive information about bar exam prep. You may anonymously respond on topic to these threads. Unacceptable uses include: harassing another user, joking around, testing the feature, or other things that are more appropriate in the lounge.
Failure to follow these rules will get you outed, warned, or banned."
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hanman
- Posts: 97
- Joined: Fri Oct 29, 2010 12:42 pm
Diversity Statement - any feedback much appreciated !
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Last edited by hanman on Mon Jan 16, 2012 8:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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horrorbusiness
- Posts: 670
- Joined: Fri Apr 08, 2011 6:49 pm
Re: Diversity Statement - any feedback much appreciated !
I think your DS is great. I'm just not sure what you're talking about in this sentence. Critiques, practices - what?As someone who critiques events and practices in Pakistan from the outside, I have found myself treated with increasing vitriol.
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Ohiobumpkin
- Posts: 564
- Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2011 9:50 am
Re: Diversity Statement - any feedback much appreciated !
I really like your DS. I'm sorry for any discrimination you have suffered. Best wishes to you and your husband living in the U.S., and I wish the best for the Pakistani peoples' future. Here are two things I found confusing.
"experiential reality", is this an appropriate phrase? Could you simply say experience with, or something less technical sounding. Also, what is "intersectionality theory"? Is this a sociological/feminist theory? Maybe this is integral to your DS, but usually I believe it is recommended that while writing a PS/DS that technical and specialist terms should be avoided. You want to write something that an average person would mostly understand.
Again, I think that this is an excellent DS. Hope this helps.
"experiential reality", is this an appropriate phrase? Could you simply say experience with, or something less technical sounding. Also, what is "intersectionality theory"? Is this a sociological/feminist theory? Maybe this is integral to your DS, but usually I believe it is recommended that while writing a PS/DS that technical and specialist terms should be avoided. You want to write something that an average person would mostly understand.
Again, I think that this is an excellent DS. Hope this helps.
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Ohiobumpkin
- Posts: 564
- Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2011 9:50 am
Re: Diversity Statement - any feedback much appreciated !
She is speaking about some of the more hardline policies that discriminate against women and other segments of society in Pakistan. I think the wording could be better, but I think most admissions officials would understand. Perhaps saying something like "As someone who critiques repressive cultural and governmental practices in Pakistan, I have found myself treated with intense vitriol." would sound better.horrorbusiness wrote:I think your DS is great. I'm just not sure what you're talking about in this sentence. Critiques, practices - what?As someone who critiques events and practices in Pakistan from the outside, I have found myself treated with increasing vitriol.
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hanman
- Posts: 97
- Joined: Fri Oct 29, 2010 12:42 pm
Re: Diversity Statement - any feedback much appreciated !
Ohiobumpkin wrote:I really like your DS. I'm sorry for any discrimination you have suffered. Best wishes to you and your husband living in the U.S., and I wish the best for the Pakistani peoples' future. Here are two things I found confusing.
"experiential reality", is this an appropriate phrase? Could you simply say experience with, or something less technical sounding. Also, what is "intersectionality theory"? Is this a sociological/feminist theory? Maybe this is integral to your DS, but usually I believe it is recommended that while writing a PS/DS that technical and specialist terms should be avoided. You want to write something that an average person would mostly understand.
Again, I think that this is an excellent DS. Hope this helps.
Thank you for the feedback, I really appreciate it. I agree with your comments - I have removed the more technical/academic language of 'intersectionality' etc and it reads better now. thanks so much!
