Post
by LiquoreStoreHero » Tue Aug 11, 2020 7:56 pm
First off, I did something really dumb, and I recognize that in retrospect. I've been under impossible pressure due to family circumstances, expectations that I'd GO TO LAW SCHOOL THIS YEAR, and COVID paranoia as well as cramped living conditions without a bedroom. So by all means be straight with me, but also try to have a little mercy on me.
I did something that's half-wrong and half-right. I withdrew my app from SJU (good) and enrolled, MATRICULATED, at FLS (questionable). Now I'm really badly doubting that decision but I think it's too risky to withdraw and reapply to other schools at a later date, because the manner in which I enrolled/matriculated at FLS was really abrasive and created extra work the school's AdComm.
Long story short, I was in severe distress when I make this decision, so while it's stupid and self-defeating, I need you to understand why I did it. I didn't check my laptop for about a week because I'm too depressed and catatonic to really get much of anything done. When I did check it, I saw the FLS registration deadline had passed several days prior, and my seat had been canceled. I freak out because I don't know what I'm going to do with my life for the foreseeable future, and I need something to occupy me, as I've been unemployed since April. Further, FLS has enough lay prestige that my friends and family were ecstatic that I got in, so I felt like I'd be a failure if I "didn't at least give it a shot". (They took my talk of "I'm not sure I can beat the curve" to be a lack of self esteem rather than an honest assessment.) So, I asked to enroll late, and did so. The school had to reinstate my fucking seat. A day later I realize, "What the fuck, I should have just sat this cycle out, told them that I might not be able to go this year, left on good terms, and reapplied there and the T13 later, as I had originally planned."
Now I fear FLS will shit the bed with regards to BigLaw placement going forward, and that maybe I want a JD with greater geographical portability, as my life circumstances, as well as the entire world, have changed pretty substantially ever since I started off; I'm not sure I'll be content with living in Manhattan because my family and friends won't all be living here. I'm also a bit afraid my performance is going to be bad this year for a variety of reasons. My parents are getting divorced, and I'm going to be stuck in my current location for maybe a month into the first semester, until I can move in with my Dad. I actually thought that law school would give me something to focus on, because intense LSAT study was how I coped with the emotional pain of being thrown out of my house. FLS said their law library (walkable from my current location) would be open to study in, but I realize that if anything happens with COVID, they will close and I will lose my quiet study space and likely do poorly.
I am thinking of just withdrawing before orientation on Monday, and reapplying to T13 schools 2+ years from now when my life is under control. If I do, some schools ask if you registered at any other law schools, not just attended. I think Duke and Michigan would actually want a letter from my current school's admissions council confirming why I left. If I reapplied a few years from now, I am afraid that FLS would tell these schools that I enrolled late, created extra work for them, and bailed at the last minute, and generally try to blacklist me for behaving poorly. What's worse is, they'd be completely within their rights to do so. Do you think this would happen?
Is applying to other schools a few years from now even a realistic possibility anymore, or is that one just over? Now that I'm *literally* matriculated at FLS, should I just make the best of the situation and thank Christ I didn't enroll at SJU? For reference, between savings and family contributions, my debt load from FLS would be $30k, so if I "gave it a shot" as intended, it would by no means ruin me. But, I think I may have ruined any future applications anyway just by merit of my own neurotic and mentally ill behavior. So maybe I should just pretend I got a 168 and that this was a sensible choice. And honestly, if reapplying later on is impossible, even that would make me somewhat glad, because at least my self-questioning and doubt would finally be over, and I can just get on with my fucking life.
Sorry for the rant.