That's what she said. Forum

[ughOSU]

+1. Wtf, dude. You want people to go around generalizing you as being completely satisfied anywhere so long as there is a bar in walking distance, a big screen tv with more-than-basic cable, and someone to feed you?

+2. It's funny how he calls her a significant other, and then tells us how insignificant her opinion is to him.

I think a majority of guys would be satisfied with a bar, TV, and food. So long as you aren't completely terrible at getting laid once in a while.

[Illijah]

Whatever your wives are saying...it sounds like they're supportive. My boyfriend broke up with me because I'm going to law school. He always knew I was interested in it and planned to go. Men don't seem to have the same tolerance for their female SOs having careers/lives outside of them.

big difference....

[Joan Hollaway]

My bf has a career based in our home city so since he can't come with me I'm just going to try to make the best decision I can for my future career. If the relationship is meant to be it will be imo.

[ozarkhack]

My gf's input is very significant, not least b/c she's quitting her job/career to come with me. And as to what LS will mean for both of us, my gf is pretty well prepped: During her entire UG, she dated/cohabbed with a med student.

(As to wife vs. gf., I totally agree that non-spouses shouldn't weigh too heavily on one's decision. But in my case: it's 5+ years, and I'm ring shopping.)

My gf is worried about debt maybe a tad more than I am. She's intrigued by the prospect of me attending the local T4 with $$$$, b/c in that case I've told her that we would buy a house (and, yes, that we'd be stuck here for at least 10 years). ... She'd also like to move closer to her family, and I've applied to half a dozen schools to that end.

Overall, she's fantastically understanding and says she will support whatever decision I make, but it's not like I'm going to ignore her input.

[thalassocrat]

We're long-distance as it is, so I've been looking primarily at schools that will get me closer to him. He'll either be working or in grad school next year and wants to stay in the Midwest, while I want to get out of the South and can see myself living in the Midwest. Overall he's been very supportive, even when he tells me how cold it's been in Wisconsin where he is atm. (He loves the cold and the snow, while I hate it. I can live with it if I have to, though.)

[fl0w]

My SO is applying to MBA programs at the same time that I'm applying to JD programs. We are trying to spread our applications out in such a way that we will end up in the same city.

For me it means applying to 20 schools or so across the country. luckily I got fee waivers for about half of them, and law school apps (in comparison to b-school apps) are freaking cake. But for MBA programs each app costs like $250 dollars. for ONE APP! Obviously this limits her in the number of apps she can submit. On top of that, recommenders must write a separate letter for virtually every school because they all have different requirements. And then there is the fact that there are almost no essays that can be reused between school applications for MBA programs. All of these things about applying to b-school is making it much more difficult for us.

In all honesty, I'm hoping that I get into some good schools spread across few cities because, at the end of the day, i bet I will end up going to law school wherever she gets into b-school (unless something crazy happens like me getting into northwestern).

But yeah, the stress is multiplied by orders of magnitude having both SOs applying to different programs simultaneously.

[jks289]

My husband has been great. He is really nervous about where we move for his career, but he knows the better school I go to now, the more flexibility we will have down the road. I will say the application process (LSAT heartbreak etc) has been one of the more difficult things our marriage has endured. There should really be a law school applicant spouse/SO support group.

[loveistheway]

My bf has a career based in our home city so since he can't come with me I'm just going to try to make the best decision I can for my future career. If the relationship is meant to be it will be imo.

It's not meant to be then.

[Joan Hollaway]

My bf has a career based in our home city so since he can't come with me I'm just going to try to make the best decision I can for my future career. If the relationship is meant to be it will be imo.

It's not meant to be then.

K I'm not gonna sit here and defend my relationship on the internet but all I was trying to say is that both my bf and I want me to do whatever is best for my career. Also I find that the best relationships are those that you don't have to work hard at and those are the ones that are meant to be. We have managed to have a relatively stressfree 4 year relationship so maybe more people should follow the if its meant to be it will be mentality.

[JAP1985]

When I first began this process I was dead-set on attending school in NYC because my SO will be attending Columbia's dental school in the fall. However, as acceptances have begun rolling, I'm considering other places. And she basically said do what's best for your career and I'll do the same. Obviously there are some caveats: a westcoast school would be more of a strain than an eastcoast school, etc...But ultimately, we want to continue our careers in the same location, and eventually student loans will become "our debt", so I'm taking those things into consideration and hoping to make the best decision for my future first and then our future a very close second.

[JAP1985]

My husband has been great. He is really nervous about where we move for his career, but he knows the better school I go to now, the more flexibility we will have down the road. I will say the application process (LSAT heartbreak etc) has been one of the more difficult things our marriage has endured. There should really be a law school applicant spouse/SO support group.

theres is a virtual one in the choosing a law school forum

[The Zeppelin]

My bf has a career based in our home city so since he can't come with me I'm just going to try to make the best decision I can for my future career. If the relationship is meant to be it will be imo.

It's not meant to be then.

K I'm not gonna sit here and defend my relationship on the internet but all I was trying to say is that both my bf and I want me to do whatever is best for my career. Also I find that the best relationships are those that you don't have to work hard at and those are the ones that are meant to be. We have managed to have a relatively stressfree 4 year relationship so maybe more people should follow the if its meant to be it will be mentality.

The "if it's meant to be" mentality is a lazy approach to life. You lose all accountability.

Note: This is by no means an attack on your actual relationship.

[CmonSD]

My bf: "do what you want to do so you don't regret it and hate me later...yadda yadda." Lets be real.....

[sundevil77]

"Thats going to be so hard and tiring"

"You'll have to make sure you finish without getting burnt out"

"How are you going to pay for this?"

[CyLaw]

My significant gf is dead set on coming with me (to a different time zone) for law school...[clipped]

Did not read the whole post, but I read the first five words and went

Then read the next word and went

[Vincent Vega]

My significant gf is dead set on coming with me (to a different time zone) for law school...[clipped]

Did not read the whole post, but I read the first five words and went

Then read the next word and went

I LOLed.

[rowlf]

Good thread idea! This is all a bit weird, because it’s unclear how much emphasis you should put on your SO’s opinions if you’re not married.

My bf has been really supportive of me throughout the application process. He’s tolerated me talking about it all the time, stressing, looked over a few drafts --- brilliant. He’s also taken pretty much the best angle on me choosing schools: he’s making a conscious effort not to seem like he’s advising me to take any particular school. He doesn’t want to pressure me by ruling out schools or pushing particular ones, but I know what his preferences are because we talk through my decision-making process a lot. He wants me to be as close to him as possible. He’s got a big prestige affinity as well, so he favors attending schools in the best tier I get into.

He’s a grad student at a great school I applied to but haven’t heard from yet; next year he has to live in the city where his school is. Potentially my 2L and definitely my 3L he could move to wherever I am. But again, that would be easier if I attended a school close by.

[daesonesb]

SO is an opera singer. She also wants to do Dental Hygeine as a day job for the relative pay/hour ratio. Soooo, whereever I go it needs to be near those two things.

The other day, she was talking about how good of a secondary income a dental hygeinist would be... and I started laughing. I told her that I wanted to start into law with a clerkship or in PI, so I -- in fact -- would be the secondary earner.

At least at first

[Thomas Sutpen]

My bf has a career based in our home city so since he can't come with me I'm just going to try to make the best decision I can for my future career. If the relationship is meant to be it will be imo.

It's not meant to be then.

K I'm not gonna sit here and defend my relationship on the internet but all I was trying to say is that both my bf and I want me to do whatever is best for my career. Also I find that the best relationships are those that you don't have to work hard at and those are the ones that are meant to be. We have managed to have a relatively stressfree 4 year relationship so maybe more people should follow the if its meant to be it will be mentality.

Sometimes it's simply irresistible not to do what you said you weren't going to do. I'm not going to judge though.

[PDaddy]

Wife or gf?? If wife..family life should be a big concern but at the same time it's only 3 years. If gf...mob..just go to the highest ranked school u get into or whichever you personally want. The biggest mistake a man can make is making life decisions with a gf inconsideraton

Here-here! Three of the hardest things for women to give up are their parents, extended relatives and their girlfriends. Who do they shop for shoes and makeup with? At some point, they have to realize that it's about the two people in the relationship (and the kids, if they have them).

I have an SO, and I couldn't care less what she thinks about my career decision. She'd better roll with it or get left behind. That said, she's supportive and understands that she may benefit greatly by my $ucce$$.

wow way to generalize half of the population. Personally, who to shop for shoes and makeup with is not a consideration in my life at all. Some women don't care only about $$.

The stereotype was only a half-serious remark. I am very progressive, not from the cave man days. Which is why I expect my lady to have a life of her own. If she wants to be down with my program, then she should be down. If not, then I'll get another one.

And my girlfriend wants to be spoiled, but she's also capable of getting her own. I will never let a woman be the center of what I do, because all woman are self-centered by nature and will almost never make men their centers. It's just the way they are socialized. In fact, they don't even respect men who make them their centers.

[reasonabledoubt]

Wife or gf?? If wife..family life should be a big concern but at the same time it's only 3 years. If gf...mob..just go to the highest ranked school u get into or whichever you personally want. The biggest mistake a man can make is making life decisions with a gf inconsideraton

Here-here! Three of the hardest things for women to give up are their parents, extended relatives and their girlfriends. Who do they shop for shoes and makeup with? At some point, they have to realize that it's about the two people in the relationship (and the kids, if they have them).

I have an SO, and I couldn't care less what she thinks about my career decision. She'd better roll with it or get left behind. That said, she's supportive and understands that she may benefit greatly by my $ucce$$.

wow way to generalize half of the population. Personally, who to shop for shoes and makeup with is not a consideration in my life at all. Some women don't care only about $$.

The stereotype was only a half-serious remark. I am very progressive, not from the cave man days. Which is why I expect my lady to have a life of her own. If she wants to be down with my program, then she should be down. If not, then I'll get another one.

And my girlfriend wants to be spoiled, but she's also capable of getting her own. I will never let a woman be the center of what I do, because all woman are self-centered by nature and will almost never make men their centers. It's just the way they are socialized. In fact, they don't even respect men who make them their centers.

You may have dug a deeper ditch with this one. I hear what you're saying, but it's just not coming across well. Making an absolute statement such as "it's just the way they are socialized" will get you in trouble. hth.

[daesonesb]

...all woman are self-centered by nature and will almost never make men their centers. It's just the way they are socialized. In fact, they don't even respect men who make them their centers.

That is the kind of thing that a guy might say to his drunken friends at the end of the night,and it would be excusable... but inevitably it is a ridiculous generalization.

[turkishangora]

Wife or gf?? If wife..family life should be a big concern but at the same time it's only 3 years. If gf...mob..just go to the highest ranked school u get into or whichever you personally want. The biggest mistake a man can make is making life decisions with a gf inconsideraton

Here-here! Three of the hardest things for women to give up are their parents, extended relatives and their girlfriends. Who do they shop for shoes and makeup with? At some point, they have to realize that it's about the two people in the relationship (and the kids, if they have them).

I have an SO, and I couldn't care less what she thinks about my career decision. She'd better roll with it or get left behind. That said, she's supportive and understands that she may benefit greatly by my $ucce$$.

wow way to generalize half of the population. Personally, who to shop for shoes and makeup with is not a consideration in my life at all. Some women don't care only about $$.

The stereotype was only a half-serious remark. I am very progressive, not from the cave man days. Which is why I expect my lady to have a life of her own. If she wants to be down with my program, then she should be down. If not, then I'll get another one.

And my girlfriend wants to be spoiled, but she's also capable of getting her own. I will never let a woman be the center of what I do, because all woman are self-centered by nature and will almost never make men their centers. It's just the way they are socialized. In fact, they don't even respect men who make them their centers.

just out of curiosity, the first part isn't defined by the second, is it?

[PDaddy]

Ok, let me ask you this. When teenage girls begin wearing makeup, what, exactly, are they learning to do? Spend much time in the mirror tending to detail, on themselves. This is just one example of what I am talking about. The fact that women have unique needs due to their gender (their bodies are different, they have feminine needs and can be vulnerable to unique medical problems, etc), and the fact that their gender roles are still largely determined by their ability to attract a husband and be mothers (I am NOT saying this is the way things SHOULD be, just the way they are), women are mostly socialized in a paradoxical way. That is, they must become self-centered in order to attract a mate and perform roles that demonstrate that they are not self-centered, i.e., wife and mother.

Now, we all know that this isn't necessarily what evey woman wants or values, and certainly not what every women necessarily needs. But gender roles in our society are still defined by masculine and feminine ends of the spectrum.

Women's biological differences tend to, along with well-established gender roles, socialize women into a "self-centerdness", a focus on self and an innate feeling that certain things must revolve around her; that affects their dealings with men. This is almost necessary because, again, this is what will ultimately attract a man and make him want to marry her and have kids with her. And that's when she must theoretically become less self-centered.

That's the generality I speak of, and it is a true one. The shoes, et. al. you all took that stuff too literally and didn't comprehend the deeper message I was sending.

I think some posters thought I was saying that all women are "selfish". This is completely wrong. I do not believe this. I am not a chauvanistic type of man. In fact, i am just the opposite. My ideal woman is professional and driven, like me.

What I was saying is that I am less focussed on someone being my wife. Therefore, the traditional development of female gender role can leave a woman out in the cold with me if she isn't prepared to adjust her idea of what I may find attractive in a mate. If she wants to be a traditional wife, I am not her man. I have a program I want to follow, and it involves my mate being more of a partner than a wife.

So the time she has spent developing certain traits to attract members of the general male population won't work for me. I don't want someone washing my clothes or cooking for me and spending the day at the mall. I want her to be as busy as I am, building, running a business or something.

The reason single women do not make men their centers is that they can't if they expect to be good wives and mothers. It doesn't seem to make sense, but it does. This is the bait they must lay out for men. Looking good, cooking well, being potentially good mothers because the details they have learned to tend to (makeup, feminine care, etc) indicate that they will. Even activities not defined by gender can contribute to this. A female who is a good student or a hard worker can also make a good wife.

Women don't want men who make them their centers because that's a possessive, insecure, feminine man. Most women do not want that. Women want a protector. A man cannot be a protector if he's busy laying up under his woman, depending on her for assurance and expecting her to protect him. There are always exceptions, but I am just saying.

I know my role, and I expect my mate to know hers. I want a partner, not a wifey. My thing is, let's conquer the world together instead of living a subdued life in the burbs raising kids.

For those who want that, great! There's nothing wrong with it. It's not for me.

[sibley]

1. If you don't mind your entertainment completely infuriating you, I highly recommend Under the Dome by Stephen King. If you get over that it's fiction, get into the book, it will instill in you a sense of righteousness and justice that'll have you reeling for the ability to do something, and .: to rock your briefs, etc.

2. Re PDaddy's follow- up post: Your post explains your comment, and I think is acceptable as mostly-true if not at all politically correct (we get a bit too much of that anway, don't we?). But it also shows a fundamental lack of knowledge in the area : We don't go around doing ourselves up in order to attract a mate. We go around doing ourselves up for two purposes: to attract a BETTER mate, and to make ourselves feel better about ourselves (this latter is the same reason we wear $75 bras with no intention of letting anyone see them). We're really not all that concerned about men, not because we see the world as revolving around us, but because we know what we need to have a successful and happy life and, as you said, we feel we are justified in this. But it's because part of it is fulfilling family duties. We (eventually, most of us) want good looking kids who we don't need to support, socially and financially, all on our own. We see no reason to take anything less than the best, just as you're approaching your law school admissions. According to relationship psychology, men are notoriously more romantic than women. They fall in love more quickly and have more magical thoughts. Perhaps the reason women are more analytical is due to the fact that we would be stuck with any oops babies or estranged children if the guy couldn't hold up his end, or didn't want to.

3) Re the makeup in the mirror thing, and while I'm still in the relationship thought process: I love that facebook's privacy settings changed and people haven't noticed. I had fun looking at my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend's pictures and realizing that a) she was NOT as attractive as I had imagined her and b) She's one of those girls who wears lingerie and animal ears as a halloween costume... THREE times a year (which explains why his older sister never liked her, and which concretes for me that, should he have met her at this point in his life, he wouldn't either). Not that there's anything wrong with that costume. I considered it once. But it's cold around these here parts, and you've gotta get over it at some point.