Moving for Law School - Wife Hates the idea Forum

[x47point6]

I was 172/3.8 and left Boston basically because my numbers put me in, likely with money, at better-ranked schools than BU/BC, but yet weren't quite Harvard-quality.

Convincing my wife to move down to Philadelphia was relatively easy, though, because 1) we were broke, with a kid, and 2) her family was in the Philly area. Ultimately UPenn was probably the best school I could get into with a scholarship, so everything was sort of set up to work out well.

So if you want to convince your wife to move, manufacture a set of circumstances (much like mine) in which the two of you feel overwhelmed by life and cut off from the cozy embrace of family. Fortunately, Boston COL will pretty much take care of that for you anyway if you give it some time.

Edit: Read that wrong. Her family is already in Boston... yeah, I don't know. Maybe go on a vacation to one of these cities and make her fall in love with it? But that presents it's own problems, since Boston is pretty damn nice.

[Veyron]

UVA will be dying to take you with those numbers might even throw 15k a year or so your way. Cville is a low COL area... Whwill the wife hate more, 3 years in bosttyon followed by a low (or no)salary and some debt or three years in vs followed by a nice salary in boston?

[Lucidity]

Honestly i think your wife is being a bit silly, if the facts are as you present them to us. A young married couple should not be looking to plant their roots, especially not in the town they grew up in. Live a little, go out and see the world, and if it saves you cash thats a win win situation.

I don't think his wife is being ridiculous. If she is happy where they are and she doesn't want to move, then he needs to keep that in mind. This is one of the consequences of getting married; you give up a bit of autonomy.

Also, why shouldn't a young married couple be looking to plant their roots in the town they grew up in, or anywhere for that matter? Maybe you wouldn't want to do it, but there is no harm in doing so; I know that once I graduated LS and get married, I'm going to be putting down roots.

Maybe its a personal thing, but i don't really get the reason why some people have to rush through life. When you're in your 20s, you're at your prime. This is the time to experience life to the fullest, not to start pumping out kids and moving to a cul de sac in the suburbs. I live in Texas, and the teen pregnancy rate here is well above the national average. I know many friends who had to sacrifice their 20s and "settle" down because they were saddled with the responsibility of parenthood. Without exception they all regret the choices that have created the circumstances they are in.

As to the compromises of marriage, i get that too. But it's not like he wants to move for trivial reasons, we're talking about serious cash considerations for a couple in a precarious financial situation. To burden oneself with more loans in a troubled economy just because shes "comfortable" where she is DOES seem very selfish. Unless she has a dieing mother at home or something, i don't see how a little discomfort is worth tens of thousands in debt.

[MJS83]

I was 172/3.8 and left Boston basically because my numbers put me in, likely with money, at better-ranked schools than BU/BC, but yet weren't quite Harvard-quality.

Convincing my wife to move down to Philadelphia was relatively easy, though, because 1) we were broke, with a kid, and 2) her family was in the Philly area. Ultimately UPenn was probably the best school I could get into with a scholarship, so everything was sort of set up to work out well.

So if you want to convince your wife to move, manufacture a set of circumstances (much like mine) in which the two of you feel overwhelmed by life and cut off from the cozy embrace of family. Fortunately, Boston COL will pretty much take care of that for you anyway if you give it some time.

Edit: Read that wrong. Her family is already in Boston... yeah, I don't know. Maybe go on a vacation to one of these cities and make her fall in love with it? But that presents it's own problems, since Boston is pretty damn nice.

She actually has family just outside of Philly which is probably the compromise between her need for family and my needs for school.... I would absolutely LOVE to go to Penn but numbers aren't on my side for funding or even admit- still applying though

[jks289]

Honestly i think your wife is being a bit silly, if the facts are as you present them to us. A young married couple should not be looking to plant their roots, especially not in the town they grew up in. Live a little, go out and see the world, and if it saves you cash thats a win win situation.

I don't think his wife is being ridiculous. If she is happy where they are and she doesn't want to move, then he needs to keep that in mind. This is one of the consequences of getting married; you give up a bit of autonomy.

Also, why shouldn't a young married couple be looking to plant their roots in the town they grew up in, or anywhere for that matter? Maybe you wouldn't want to do it, but there is no harm in doing so; I know that once I graduated LS and get married, I'm going to be putting down roots.

Maybe its a personal thing, but i don't really get the reason why some people have to rush through life. When you're in your 20s, you're at your prime. This is the time to experience life to the fullest, not to start pumping out kids and moving to a cul de sac in the suburbs. I live in Texas, and the teen pregnancy rate here is well above the national average. I know many friends who had to sacrifice their 20s and "settle" down because they were saddled with the responsibility of parenthood. Without exception they all regret the choices that have created the circumstances they are in.

As to the compromises of marriage, i get that too. But it's not like he wants to move for trivial reasons, we're talking about serious cash considerations for a couple in a precarious financial situation. To burden oneself with more loans in a troubled economy just because shes "comfortable" where she is DOES seem very selfish. Unless she has a dieing mother at home or something, i don't see how a little discomfort is worth tens of thousands in debt.

You're exactly right, it is a personal thing. Maybe keep that in mind before generalizing and judging the life choices of others.

[ZachOda]

Agreed. I mean, maybe our opinions are already a little self-selected because this is a law forum, but I have to say, getting into the school that you want to go to, in the market you want to be in, is what matters. Of course it will be difficult for her to leave her family, but on the same token, you are married now, both interests have to be taken into account. I'm sure you can come to some agreement, but I think if you settle for BC/BU (settling probably isn't the right word, but with your numbers it probably is) you will regret it and tension may arise. Just because she doesn't want to live around UVA doesn't mean there are not other options nearby. And definitely take her to visit Monticello/Williamsburg, one of the most beautiful historical areas I've ever seen.

[Nicholasnickynic]

Charlottesville, va resident here. Cville (where uva is located) is awesome. in 2007 it was rated the #1 city in america by some major publication. Its clean, safe, virtually traffic free, has lots of fun chains, downtown scene with art/drinking/clubs/resterants as well as a college bar scene ("the corner"). hour from Richmond. CoL is pretty reasonable- although not insanely cheap or anything. Take your wife to cville if you get in- that might help convince her. On the other hand- under no circumstances what so ever should you take her to W&M. I've had a sister go there for undergrad and have another one going there now. Historical Tourism+School= 90% of the williamsburg scene. If you guys are big city people, Williamsburg will most likely bore the living day lights out of you.

GL! HF!

Edited to add: A few cool local music clubs, as well as an arena that attracts national acts (Rolling Stones, Lady Ga Ga, Metallica, that little blond girl that sings that romeo&juleit song etc etc)

[Nicholasnickynic]

Agreed. I mean, maybe our opinions are already a little self-selected because this is a law forum, but I have to say, getting into the school that you want to go to, in the market you want to be in, is what matters. Of course it will be difficult for her to leave her family, but on the same token, you are married now, both interests have to be taken into account. I'm sure you can come to some agreement, but I think if you settle for BC/BU (settling probably isn't the right word, but with your numbers it probably is) you will regret it and tension may arise. Just because she doesn't want to live around UVA doesn't mean there are not other options nearby. And definitely take her to visit Monticello/Williamsburg, one of the most beautiful historical areas I've ever seen.

Historical/natural beauty entertains someone for about 2 weeks. 3 weeks Tops.

[oscarthegrouch]

Sounds like a divorce is in the near future.

[MJS83]

Sounds like a divorce is in the near future.

Wow! A thread vacant of sarcastic, unhelpful remarks. Until now that is! Thank you


To anyone who actually posted helpful replies:

I talked things over with my wife and we're heading down to PA and VA next weekend to take a look at law schools. We're also visiting with some of her family down there who are savvy to the idea of us moving- I think they may help encourage positive thoughts about a move. Honestly though, I'm just happy she's willing to look.

Feeling better about this! Thanks for the advice everyone

[budafied]

[IAFG]

The thing about schools outside of the T10 is, they're regional. It's not like you can easily attend a less expensive school in VA then come back to Boston. The regionality of law schools will force you to think about where you want to put down roots so it isn't really a great time to go somewhere far-flung just for the experience. That said with your neat background and solid academic record after, I think you can put together a stunning application package and outperform your numbers. You probably have a beautiful PS in you.

[09042014]

She is just jealous. Don't let her hold you back. Go wherever you want for any reason.

[Holly Golightly]

Love how different this thread is than if it had been the other way around. When it's a woman, family wins and that's the sacrifice you make. When it's a man, law school should be the priority. Awesome.

[IAFG]

She is just jealous. Don't let her hold you back. Go wherever you want for any reason.

She's a retired ballerina DF. Her next best option after him is a billionaire. That's a better catch than a supermodel.

[09042014]

Love how different this thread is than if it had been the other way around. When it's a woman, family wins and that's the sacrifice you make. When it's a man, law school should be the priority. Awesome.

Fuck bitches, get money.

[09042014]

She is just jealous. Don't let her hold you back. Go wherever you want for any reason.

She's a retired ballerina DF. Her next best option after him is a billionaire. That's a better catch than a supermodel.

I was joking. Don't get married if you don't want your wife veto'ing your career plans. It's his fault for not getting into Harvard.

[romothesavior]

Love how different this thread is than if it had been the other way around. When it's a woman, family wins and that's the sacrifice you make. When it's a man, law school should be the priority. Awesome.

I actually agree with this. Wow. Compare this to the "Husband Forbidding It" thread a few weeks ago where the roles were reversed, and it was very different. Same posters, different argument. Apparently your wife's opinion isn't that important when making a huge decision like this?

That said, it is important to recognize a few crucial differences between this thread and the "Husband Forbidding It" thread. There were kids involved in the other thread, a crumbling marriage, and the actors involved were older. Those are important factors.

But still, I am a little shocked that in 2010, the way a bunch of young people view marriage is still so sexist.

edit: Glad to see DF was kidding. But there have still been a lot of troubling responses.

[BeautifulSW]

From LONG, PERSONAL experience:

You'll be amazed how many of your law school classmates get divorced during or right after law school. The family strain of the law program alone is bad, much worse than the OP maybe realizes. If he wishes to stay married, he should think before making a bad situation very much worse.

[09042014]

edit: Glad to see DF was kidding. But there have still been a lot of troubling responses.

Mine was a reference to that other thread where the poster claimed it was jealousy.

[09042014]

Being so undesirable that no woman will marry you FTW.

[dresden doll]

Love how different this thread is than if it had been the other way around. When it's a woman, family wins and that's the sacrifice you make. When it's a man, law school should be the priority. Awesome.

I actually agree with this. Wow. Compare this to the "Husband Forbidding It" thread a few weeks ago where the roles were reversed, and it was very different. Same posters, different argument. Apparently your wife's opinion isn't that important when making a huge decision like this?

That said, it is important to recognize a few crucial differences between this thread and the "Husband Forbidding It" thread. There were kids involved in the other thread, a crumbling marriage, and the actors involved were older. Those are important factors.

But still, I am a little shocked that in 2010, the way a bunch of young people view marriage is still so sexist.

edit: Glad to see DF was kidding. But there have still been a lot of troubling responses.

And you thought I was kidding when I said that that thread would have worked out differently if genders were switched. Sticking around here for so long has taught me a thing or two.

At least you get my respect for not being hypocritical.

[Holly Golightly]

Being so undesirable that no woman will marry you FTW.

Just think about that sexy preggo ex who you could be with right now. Mmm...

[09042014]

Being so undesirable that no woman will marry you FTW.

Just think about that sexy preggo ex who you could be with right now. Mmm...

LOL she got married two weekends ago, and I actually ran into her at Dominicks on Wednesday. She's the flower shop girl here.

[TommyK]

If this misses ain't happy, ain't nobody happy