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[fatduck]

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[Sandro]

cut out the unnecessary details, it loses the reader. If you are explaining 2 semesters of F's just say what happened briefly, why, and the end. No need to talk about your parents objecting, your confidence levels etc.

[inchoate_con]

I'm far from an expert, but you rattle off a lot of negatives and "I decided to take drastic action and enlisted in the Army" is the only positive.

At least explain how the military taught you about commitment, responsibility, or punctuality.

[fatduck]

Thanks for the replies! A revised version follows.

inchoate_con: I am also writing a paragraph to answer the "has your schooling ever been interrupted for any reason?" question, where I intend to explain in more detail why I chose to interrupt my education by enlisting in the Army, and how I feel it benefited me. It seems (to me) like that discussion is more appropriate for that question, and I don't want to repeat myself.

In August 2003, I enrolled at [school 1] with a major in Aerospace Engineering. Though I had been a good student in high school, I found the transition to college difficult and fell behind in attendance. Though I managed B’s in three of my classes, I failed Chemistry, was placed on academic warning status, and was in danger of losing my scholarship. Not long into spring semester I had stopped attending class entirely. I did not show up for my finals, received failing grades in all of my classes, and was placed on academic probation. I chose not to re-enroll, and returned home for the summer. I enrolled at [school 2], a two-year community college, in the fall. Unfortunately, I once again failed to make a serious effort, and stopped attending classes after a few weeks. At this point I was extremely frustrated with myself and disappointed with the direction my life was taking. I decided to take drastic action and enlisted in the Army. My friends and family objected, but I felt (and still feel) that it was the kind of change I needed to get my life in order. My experience in the Army made me more focused, responsible, and aware of my weaknesses. Since resuming my studies, I have maintained a 3.67 GPA at [prestigious school 3] and [more prestigious school 4] while pursuing a challenging degree in Electrical Engineering. During that time I was never at risk of academic warning or probation, and do not expect to repeat the failures of my youth.