Please Critique My DS (Attempt 6) Forum

[TommyK]

I feel that I need to make a post detailing how not funny Bleu's images are, but I got shit to do...


Knockblock - I think you were closer the time before. Take a couple days off. You have plenty of time to figure this out. Most schools that I've seen don't even start accepting apps until October.

Good luck, amigo/khaver

[12AngryMen]

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[Knock]

Basics of Standpoint Theory:

1. A standpoint is a place from which to view the world that determines what we focus on as well as what is obscured from us.
2. Sandra Harding and Julia Wood claim that the social groups to which we belong shape what we know and how we communicate.
3. Standpoint theorists suggest that societal inequalities generate distinctive accounts of nature and social relationships.
4. According to Harding, the perspective from the lives of the less powerful can provide a more objective view than the perspective from the lives of the more powerful.
5. Wood has applied standpoint logic to the field of communication.
6. Inequalities of different social groups create differences in their standpoints.
7. All standpoints are partial, meaning that a person can have many standpoints at a time.
8. All the social communities the a person belongs to creates their overall standpoint.
(Wood, 1993 as cited in http://www.atfirstlook.com)

Standpoint Theory regarding Marginalize Groups in a nutshell can be easily understood through the analogies of James Weldon Johnson states in his Autobiography of an Ex-Coloured Man, originally published in 1912, “I believe it to be a fact that the coloured people of this country know and understand the white people better than the white people know and understand them” (Wood, 1993 as cited in http://www.atfirstlook.com). This concept deals with the issue in Standpoint theory where those individuals with less power being able to see a clearer view of what are going on around them.
Two other interesting analogies for Standpoint Theory according to Harden and Woods are:
The comparison of a seat at a concert. While all concertgoers attend the same event, every seat’s sightlines are different. By typical standards, the
premiere seats are closest to the stage and in the heart of the action. But, if you wanted to view the concert more holistically, sitting in the front row
is less than optimal as it limits one’s view to all but the stage act (Wood, 1993 as cited in http://www.atfirstlook.com).

In this case, the perspective from the nosebleed seats in the high, upper decks would be more informative. From there, you could see it all. Another analogy that we have used effectively is the Eiffel Tower. If I wanted to understand how the structure was built, I would likely understand more standing on the ground looking up than on the observations many stories in the air. Harding and Wood suggest that the “perspectives of subordinate groups are more complete and thus, better than those of privileged groups in a society” (Wood, 1993 as cited in http://www.atfirstlook.com). The flip side of the analogies is that the individuals in the middle may have a more objective view as they are able to view from both sides. All in all, the Standpoint Theory is one which is dependent on the individual and what the individual is encountering and from what point of view that individual is experiencing a given situation.

From my standpoint, I don't like it

Maybe you have NO diverse point of view. Ever think about it? Put a check mark in the Mexican box, put a check mark in the white box, and move on with your life! You trying so hard to be diverse but you really have nothing. Sorry. You have something. It looks like "I'm a white child of privilege" tho even through all these attempts.

Not helpful .

And edit our your first post.....c'mon.

[Knock]

I feel that I need to make a post detailing how not funny Bleu's images are, but I got shit to do...


Knockblock - I think you were closer the time before. Take a couple days off. You have plenty of time to figure this out. Most schools that I've seen don't even start accepting apps until October.

Good luck, amigo/khaver

Thanks, appreciate the feedback.

Here is my latest attempt. It isn't focused as much on me this time, but I tried to show how my family's experiences has shaped who I am today, and given me a unique and diverse perspective. Please, yet again, let me know if I should toss it or keep it. Again, rough draft, so focus on the big picture and whether I should toss it or keep it. Thanks.

[Knock]

Stop quoting my DS, and go away if you're not going to have anything helpful to say.

Edit: was responding to a post that got deleted

[ShuckingNotJiving]

Haha, yeah good point. Damnit I hate you DS! Maybe I will go read a bunch of DS's and see if inspiration strikes me. Then get to work on attempt #5.

First, this whole thread confuses me. Second, and more on topic, if the above quote is indication as to how you are approaching writing this thing, therein lies the problem. Reading several well-crafted diversity statements will give you nothing but too many ideas that aren't necessarily related to your experience. It also might make it seem like there is this level of ethnicity you need to prove to compete with the other, kinda-sorta minority folks. What's needed in your drafts, is some introspection.

Do not scrap the DS (scrap attempt 5, but not a DS entirely); you have a distinct perspective, but you're not using it, and instead relying on the "mixture-of-cultures-shaped-my-being" scenario that, although lovely, might not genuinely apply to your story. Earlier, you mentioned that you didn't know how to approach writing a diversity statement, because you aren't that attuned to your Mexican heritage. Now, you're attempting to come off as attuned to it, and it seems a bit dishonest. You lived your life being multi-racial, but are only now trying to make sense of it. So, why not write a diversity statement about just that? There's this part of your cultural background that you have voluntarily or involuntarily ignored. Tell the reader why. Was it shame? Apathy? Something else? How did it feel not necessarily having one ethnicity to claim? Or, how did it feel feeling distant from your ethnicity in a society that "types" everyone? Ok, this might be overkill with the questions, but my point, as I said earlier, is that you don't seem to be doing any introspection here. It's not a "lemme churn these DS's out and see which one sticks." You need to really think about how your cultural background has shaped you, mentally. And if your knee-jerk response is to say, "it hasn't," then think about why that is.

[Knock]

Haha, yeah good point. Damnit I hate you DS! Maybe I will go read a bunch of DS's and see if inspiration strikes me. Then get to work on attempt #5.

First, this whole thread confuses me. Second, and more on topic, if the above quote is indication as to how you are approaching writing this thing, therein lies the problem. Reading several well-crafted diversity statements will give you nothing but too many ideas that aren't necessarily related to your experience. It also might make it seem like there is this level of ethnicity you need to prove to compete with the other, kinda-sorta minority folks. What's needed in your drafts, is some introspection.

Do not scrap the DS (scrap attempt 5, but not a DS entirely); you have a distinct perspective, but you're not using it, and instead relying on the "mixture-of-cultures-shaped-my-being" scenario that, although lovely, might not genuinely apply to your story. Earlier, you mentioned that you didn't know how to approach writing a diversity statement, because you aren't that attuned to your Mexican heritage. Now, you're attempting to come off as attuned to it, and it seems a bit dishonest. You lived your life being multi-racial, but are only now trying to make sense of it. So, why not write a diversity statement about just that? There's this part of your cultural background that you have voluntarily or involuntarily ignored. Tell the reader why. Was it shame? Apathy? Something else? How did it feel not necessarily having one ethnicity to claim? Or, how did it feel feeling distant from your ethnicity in a society that "types" everyone? Ok, this might be overkill with the questions, but my point, as I said earlier, is that you don't seem to be doing any introspection here. It's not a "lemme churn these DS's out and see which one sticks." You need to really think about how your cultural background has shaped you, mentally. And if your knee-jerk response is to say, "it hasn't," then think about why that is.

Thanks a million, this post was exactly what I needed.

[Knock]

Alright guys....putting myself out there once again. This has definitely been a process. I think all my early drafts were necessary, to kind of get a feel and hang for writing a DS. Hopefully you guys will like this one. Feedback is appreciated.

Again, please don't quote. Thank you.

Underlined part is the part of the essay I don't really like, and will most likely change once I think of something better to say.

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[TommyK]

I like it. It seems much more authentic.

[esq]

I agree with the poster above, it comes off as much more honest, which is good.

[Knock]

Thanks guys! Looks like, at least for now, i'm going to be running with this one. Glad I could finally write one that everyone didn't hate . Got some good feedback already that i'm going to try and incorporate into this draft.

[ArchRoark]

I liked it as well. *read it before you took it down... just didnt have a chance to comment.