Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

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SoxyPirate
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby SoxyPirate » Wed Apr 01, 2009 10:45 am

the rural juror wrote:
pany1985 wrote:
ok2bedifferent wrote:He's really the laid-back, relaxed, don't care-type.. and I'm the type who needs to talk at least every night



Is this a description of pretty much every boyfriend and girlfriend, or is it just me?



haha definitely


haha. and let me guess, after sex you want to cuddle and he wants to play Madden?

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como
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby como » Wed Apr 01, 2009 10:47 am

SoxyPirate wrote:
the rural juror wrote:
pany1985 wrote:
ok2bedifferent wrote:He's really the laid-back, relaxed, don't care-type.. and I'm the type who needs to talk at least every night



Is this a description of pretty much every boyfriend and girlfriend, or is it just me?



haha definitely


haha. and let me guess, after sex you want to cuddle and he wants to play Madden?


Haha...at least he waits until it's over.

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missvik218
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby missvik218 » Wed Apr 01, 2009 10:49 am

kurla88 wrote:Word to the wise: "call me if you want" generally doesn't mean "laidback" so much as it means "I'm cheating on you so I don't give a fuck".

I don't understand why you feel like you need to choose between him and school. He doesn't seem to be very invested or mind either way. If you don't go to school is he going to need you more? Be better?


+1 ... I don't really think your problem has to do with how busy you are and trying to make THAT work with your relationship, I think your problem is that your boyfriend is apathetic and you're looking for any excuse other than the fact that he may just not be that into you :wink: law school/career > lame boyfriend who doesn't give a crap about you ... dump him!

the rural juror
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby the rural juror » Wed Apr 01, 2009 10:51 am

paratactical wrote:
funkblaster wrote:
TonyDigital wrote:Maybe I read something wrong but let me try to understand your problem a little bit better.

You work full-time and go to law school part time (one of the most intensive and time-consuming schools out there) and can speak to your bf in 5 minute intervals. But you're the one that is upset that your bf doesn't call during your drive from work to school or wherever you're going during your busy day?

Would it be safe to assume that if he did randomly call throughout the day you'd be saying, "damn, why won't he just get it through his thick skull that I'm a BUSY person!" and be annoyed everytime you pick up your cell and see 3 or 4 missed calls? As a matter of fact, he's so damn inconsiderate in acknowledging your busy schedule to say "call me when you want"...basically saying you have 24/7 access to him...

The way I see it is like this...you're an extremely busy girl and you have found a bf that doesn't bitch about not seeing you enough and gives you the space and freedom to pursue your current and future careers withouth smothering you...

This reminds me of a book I'd like to write one day...I'm going to title it "Woman, What The Hell?"...

I had no idea my girlfriend was on TLS! I get this all the time. She wants me to call, but she bitches me out for 30 minutes because she's too busy to talk when I do call. When I leave it up to her, she thinks she's the only one trying. Men can't win. We should just accept the fact that we will never get it right and move along with the "Yes, dear" life. Having a relationship with a woman=the way your dentist views brushing your teeth. No matter how you're doing it, you're doing it wrong!


I agree with these guys, and while I'm not much of a lady, I am female.

You're making a big freaking deal out of nothing. Chill out. Call him when you have time (though, please, not while you're driving).

My opinion: if you're the one with the hectic crazy schedule, it's up to you to let him know when you're free and be the one to try to make plans. It's ridiculous to expect him to memorize your life and go nuts trying to accommodate it.




Wow, why can't there be more girls like you out there?

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TonyDigital
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby TonyDigital » Wed Apr 01, 2009 10:53 am

missvik218 wrote:
+1 ... I don't really think your problem has to do with how busy you are and trying to make THAT work with your relationship, I think your problem is that your boyfriend is apathetic and you're looking for any excuse other than the fact that he may just not be that into you :wink: law school/career > lame boyfriend who doesn't give a crap about you ... dump him!


Maybe OP has already been dumped and won't accept it? Either way...seems like from the stress alone OP is better off without the guy...

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as stars burn
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby as stars burn » Wed Apr 01, 2009 11:10 am

youpiiz wrote:
as stars burn wrote:
lol, yeah women are complicated, I'll give that to you. But, I think after you've been with someone for awhile things start to relax. I've been with my fiancee since my senior year in high school (5 years now, and we just got engaged 3 months ago) and anything is possible. We've been through everything you can think of: bad car accident, long distance, emotional roller coasters, ect. But love prevails. I'm sure you've heard this over and over, but communication really is key. There needs to be give and take in a relationship, and it can't all be one-sided. Normally, if you're on and off with this guy that's usually a signal that he's not the right one for you. He needs to understand that there are things that you need in this relationship. If he cares about you he really will try.

I wouldn't jump to conclusions that his "call me if you want" means he's cheating on you. Women have an intuition/instinct for those things...there are usually subtleties you can detect if he's cheating on you so only you can answer that one. But in your second post it really does sound like he doesn't care. My fiancee is a very laid-back, let's-go-with-the-flow kind of guy but when we were long distance/and/or busy we always made time to talk to each other for a little every night or online because he knew that's what I liked/wanted.

No relationship is ever perfect, but when you find the right one you both learn to compromise, sacrifice and learn from mistakes.


i really really like your tar


thank you thank you :D

1981be
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby 1981be » Wed Apr 01, 2009 12:13 pm

ok2bedifferent wrote:Actually, I have a lot of time to talk... between drives, etc. And I don't feel like my schedule is THAT busy that I don't have 5 mins. to talk with him, that's if he calls me that is. He's like "call me if you want" and I'm like, of course I want to, but then it makes it seem like I'm the only one working in the relationship and that he's just well, careless. That's what bothers me. I am coming to a point where I feel like I have to choose school or him (and with tuition increasing AGAIN, I feel like the latter is a more attractive option). I can't spend time with him AND go to school at the same time. I think he's fairly understanding and gives me the time and space I need to study... but I feel the need to be needed if that makes any sense? girls help me out! LOL. I think it comes down to him wanting to talk to me and seeing how I'm doing rather than just blatantly drop off the face of the earth unless I call him, you know?

You seem needy. Maybe this is something you need to work out rather than blaming others. Maybe not, but just something worth looking at.

ok2bedifferent
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LOL. I'm not needy!

Postby ok2bedifferent » Wed Apr 01, 2009 2:47 pm

Not to get personal, but to all the girls that said that I'm ruining it for you all, that is completely untrue. If you are willing to enter a relationship and just be ignored, then kuddos to you... but not all girls do. That doesn't make us any less of a woman than you are.

On a side note, maybe I didn't explain it properly. But my point was despite my busy schedule, I still make an effort to talk to my bf...even if it's for only 5 minutes. He, on the other hand, has this "call me if you want attitude"... that means, he wouldn't call unless I call him. When I dumped him (yes, I did) he texted, emailed me, and called me every hour, begging to make it work. But now, with everything, it's just overwhelming to handle a relationship and law school. It seems like I can't do everything right.. I can only do things at a subpar level, do the bare minimum.

But it sounds like people can't really do both law school and a relationship at the same time. If you are in a relationship, the person you are with has to be understanding that s/he will be in the back burner for some time. Some accept it, some don't...

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wardboro
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby wardboro » Wed Apr 01, 2009 2:58 pm

Go Bears wrote:I'm married with a child on the way. In 2L and 3L (which would only be a half year), we may be living apart and do a commuter/weekend marriage. We're fine with all of it. This is life now, guys. Work will be the same way. If the relationship is strong enough, you put the effort in and find a way.


Does this mean you think that you will have to resign yourself to living in locations separate from your spouse for half the year for the rest of your life? Maybe the world is getting more competitive, but I'd rather leave the profession than lose that much time with my family. I can understand doing this for a couple of years in LS, (though I'd never do it myself) but to plan to do that after graduation as well? No thank you.

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TonyDigital
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Re: LOL. I'm not needy!

Postby TonyDigital » Wed Apr 01, 2009 3:02 pm

ok2bedifferent wrote:But it sounds like people can't really do both law school and a relationship at the same time. If you are in a relationship, the person you are with has to be understanding that s/he will be in the back burner for some time. Some accept it, some don't...


Have you considered the possibility that you are on his back burner right now? If so, can you accept it? I'm not trying to be mean...it's an honest question. He might be busy too...

gamecock
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby gamecock » Wed Apr 01, 2009 3:59 pm

Any relationship where one partner feels like they are on the back burner isn't going to survive law school. Right now my SO is taking 7 classes to graduate with me in May and working almost FT, while I'm taking 4 classes and working PT. Relationship's are rarely 50/50 give and take; ours is 70/30--you better believe I do all the laundry, clean the house, and do all the grocery shopping, but that's because it's pretty damn clear which one of us is the busy one. Both people have to realize it's going to be like that for the rest of your life (and not bitch about it constantly--only occasionally), alternating back and forth between who's putting in the most work.

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paratactical
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby paratactical » Wed Apr 01, 2009 4:17 pm

.
Last edited by paratactical on Wed Feb 13, 2013 5:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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TonyDigital
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby TonyDigital » Wed Apr 01, 2009 10:08 pm

paratactical is the bomb...

sdlaw
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby sdlaw » Thu Sep 02, 2010 12:19 am

ok2bedifferent wrote:Actually, I have a lot of time to talk... between drives, etc. And I don't feel like my schedule is THAT busy that I don't have 5 mins. to talk with him, that's if he calls me that is. He's like "call me if you want" and I'm like, of course I want to, but then it makes it seem like I'm the only one working in the relationship and that he's just well, careless. That's what bothers me. I am coming to a point where I feel like I have to choose school or him (and with tuition increasing AGAIN, I feel like the latter is a more attractive option). I can't spend time with him AND go to school at the same time. I think he's fairly understanding and gives me the time and space I need to study... but I feel the need to be needed if that makes any sense? girls help me out! LOL. I think it comes down to him wanting to talk to me and seeing how I'm doing rather than just blatantly drop off the face of the earth unless I call him, you know?


I'm a dude and you sound nuts. I think most guys are pretty whatever unless they're the complete relationship type which some are. I try to be very low key in my relationship, as in whatever you want me to do etc. I let her dictate it. Then again I'm doubtful that this relationship will last through 1l.

However I think it's more about being a guy and you being a needy girl then the other way around. You should be greatful that he's whatever so that you have all the time in the world to work on law school. I know I'm the one who takes school time hits to maintain a relationship but I can generally make it up later when she's working.




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