Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

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ok2bedifferent
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Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby ok2bedifferent » Wed Apr 01, 2009 1:09 am

I'm not sure what I'm looking for here, maybe advice from other students who have gone/are going through something similar? Anyways, I'm in my first-year of law school. I attend law school part-time and go to work full-time. I also have a boyfriend whom I just got back with a week ago after a rocky time. Between the studying, my responsibilities at work, etc. I barely have time to be or even speak with my boyfriend. He's really the laid-back, relaxed, don't care-type.. and I'm the type who needs to talk at least every night, even if it's only 5 minutes. Anyways, he doesn't get it. Maybe I'm just juggling too much. How did you handle a relationship while going to law school? It's not like we live together... I live about 40 mins away from him. Yes, cry me a river, right? :D

meteor
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby meteor » Wed Apr 01, 2009 1:10 am

post a picture of yourself and i'll give you the credited response

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Zeph
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby Zeph » Wed Apr 01, 2009 1:12 am

ok2bedifferent wrote:I'm not sure what I'm looking for here, maybe advice from other students who have gone/are going through something similar? Anyways, I'm in my first-year of law school. I attend law school part-time and go to work full-time. I also have a boyfriend whom I just got back with a week ago after a rocky time. Between the studying, my responsibilities at work, etc. I barely have time to be or even speak with my boyfriend. He's really the laid-back, relaxed, don't care-type.. and I'm the type who needs to talk at least every night, even if it's only 5 minutes. Anyways, he doesn't get it. Maybe I'm just juggling too much. How did you handle a relationship while going to law school? It's not like we live together... I live about 40 mins away from him. Yes, cry me a river, right? :D



I will also begin law school with a GF, and I plan on trying to make it work to the best of my abilities. We haven't been going out a full year yet, but I have said since the beggining that law school >all and I will not let anything get in the way (didn't say it rudely, but you get the drift). She was and still is amazingly supportive and hopefully that will carry through my law school career...

it is what it is

cheers and good luck

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nightlight
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby nightlight » Wed Apr 01, 2009 1:14 am

If he's laid-back and doesn't need to talk as much as you, shouldn't that work with your busy schedule? Or is it that you are having a problem finding time for a 5 min phone call?

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Kohinoor
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby Kohinoor » Wed Apr 01, 2009 1:20 am

ok2bedifferent wrote:I'm not sure what I'm looking for here, maybe advice from other students who have gone/are going through something similar? Anyways, I'm in my first-year of law school. I attend law school part-time and go to work full-time. I also have a boyfriend whom I just got back with a week ago after a rocky time. Between the studying, my responsibilities at work, etc. I barely have time to be or even speak with my boyfriend. He's really the laid-back, relaxed, don't care-type.. and I'm the type who needs to talk at least every night, even if it's only 5 minutes. Anyways, he doesn't get it. Maybe I'm just juggling too much. How did you handle a relationship while going to law school? It's not like we live together... I live about 40 mins away from him. Yes, cry me a river, right? :D

You guys don't sound like a serious couple. Break up now rather than wait for the drama and heartache.

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beaverfuzz
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby beaverfuzz » Wed Apr 01, 2009 1:41 am

It is definitely doable, but all about trade-offs. I spend the entire weekend hanging out with the girlfriend and other friends. Conversely, I spend 10-14 hours a day at school, M-F. Just find a schedule that works for you, and if s/he is understanding, it should be okay.

A non-law significant other can be an extremely valuable way to keep your sanity.

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pany1985
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby pany1985 » Wed Apr 01, 2009 1:43 am

ok2bedifferent wrote:He's really the laid-back, relaxed, don't care-type.. and I'm the type who needs to talk at least every night



Is this a description of pretty much every boyfriend and girlfriend, or is it just me?

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dextermorgan
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby dextermorgan » Wed Apr 01, 2009 1:47 am

I really don't think that a relationship can survive the neglect that is sure to happen without a understanding and serious partner. It seems like you may have a harder time than he will.

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reasonable_man
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby reasonable_man » Wed Apr 01, 2009 2:05 am

Law school relationships are hard... I recomend focusing on school and hooking up on the side as needed... After you graduated and, if possible, after you are done studying for the bar, start trying to find a new mate.. Again, post pictures so we can give you the correct response, or our phone numbers..

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PhantaManta
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby PhantaManta » Wed Apr 01, 2009 2:16 am

pany1985 wrote:
ok2bedifferent wrote:He's really the laid-back, relaxed, don't care-type.. and I'm the type who needs to talk at least every night



Is this a description of pretty much every boyfriend and girlfriend, or is it just me?



Damn, is that how we are supposed to act? No wonder...

ok2bedifferent
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby ok2bedifferent » Wed Apr 01, 2009 2:20 am

Actually, I have a lot of time to talk... between drives, etc. And I don't feel like my schedule is THAT busy that I don't have 5 mins. to talk with him, that's if he calls me that is. He's like "call me if you want" and I'm like, of course I want to, but then it makes it seem like I'm the only one working in the relationship and that he's just well, careless. That's what bothers me. I am coming to a point where I feel like I have to choose school or him (and with tuition increasing AGAIN, I feel like the latter is a more attractive option). I can't spend time with him AND go to school at the same time. I think he's fairly understanding and gives me the time and space I need to study... but I feel the need to be needed if that makes any sense? girls help me out! LOL. I think it comes down to him wanting to talk to me and seeing how I'm doing rather than just blatantly drop off the face of the earth unless I call him, you know?

so.reddy
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby so.reddy » Wed Apr 01, 2009 2:25 am

I have no need to be needed. Actually, I have been married for 4 years, I have a stepson, and I am SERIOUSLY considering going away to school alone. I think I am okay seeing them on breaks/summer if possible. Law shool/legal career>all.

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reasonable_man
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby reasonable_man » Wed Apr 01, 2009 2:57 am

so.reddy wrote:I have no need to be needed. Actually, I have been married for 4 years, I have a stepson, and I am SERIOUSLY considering going away to school alone. I think I am okay seeing them on breaks/summer if possible. Law shool/legal career>all.


WOW. Just WOW.

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blbs
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby blbs » Wed Apr 01, 2009 3:35 am

ok2bedifferent wrote:Actually, I have a lot of time to talk... between drives, etc. And I don't feel like my schedule is THAT busy that I don't have 5 mins. to talk with him, that's if he calls me that is. He's like "call me if you want" and I'm like, of course I want to, but then it makes it seem like I'm the only one working in the relationship and that he's just well, careless. That's what bothers me. I am coming to a point where I feel like I have to choose school or him (and with tuition increasing AGAIN, I feel like the latter is a more attractive option). I can't spend time with him AND go to school at the same time. I think he's fairly understanding and gives me the time and space I need to study... but I feel the need to be needed if that makes any sense? girls help me out! LOL. I think it comes down to him wanting to talk to me and seeing how I'm doing rather than just blatantly drop off the face of the earth unless I call him, you know?


Ouch. You haven't had sense to dump him yet? This seems like a nightmare to juggle with law school.

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joshikousei
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby joshikousei » Wed Apr 01, 2009 8:11 am

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Last edited by joshikousei on Tue Jul 21, 2009 10:37 am, edited 1 time in total.

Go Bears
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby Go Bears » Wed Apr 01, 2009 8:21 am

I'm married with a child on the way. In 2L and 3L (which would only be a half year), we may be living apart and do a commuter/weekend marriage. We're fine with all of it. This is life now, guys. Work will be the same way. If the relationship is strong enough, you put the effort in and find a way.

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TonyDigital
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby TonyDigital » Wed Apr 01, 2009 8:29 am

Maybe I read something wrong but let me try to understand your problem a little bit better.

You work full-time and go to law school part time (one of the most intensive and time-consuming schools out there) and can speak to your bf in 5 minute intervals. But you're the one that is upset that your bf doesn't call during your drive from work to school or wherever you're going during your busy day?

Would it be safe to assume that if he did randomly call throughout the day you'd be saying, "damn, why won't he just get it through his thick skull that I'm a BUSY person!" and be annoyed everytime you pick up your cell and see 3 or 4 missed calls? As a matter of fact, he's so damn inconsiderate in acknowledging your busy schedule to say "call me when you want"...basically saying you have 24/7 access to him...

The way I see it is like this...you're an extremely busy girl and you have found a bf that doesn't bitch about not seeing you enough and gives you the space and freedom to pursue your current and future careers withouth smothering you...

This reminds me of a book I'd like to write one day...I'm going to title it "Woman, What The Hell?"...

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kurla88
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby kurla88 » Wed Apr 01, 2009 8:33 am

ok2bedifferent wrote:Actually, I have a lot of time to talk... between drives, etc. And I don't feel like my schedule is THAT busy that I don't have 5 mins. to talk with him, that's if he calls me that is. He's like "call me if you want" and I'm like, of course I want to, but then it makes it seem like I'm the only one working in the relationship and that he's just well, careless. That's what bothers me. I am coming to a point where I feel like I have to choose school or him (and with tuition increasing AGAIN, I feel like the latter is a more attractive option). I can't spend time with him AND go to school at the same time. I think he's fairly understanding and gives me the time and space I need to study... but I feel the need to be needed if that makes any sense? girls help me out! LOL. I think it comes down to him wanting to talk to me and seeing how I'm doing rather than just blatantly drop off the face of the earth unless I call him, you know?


Word to the wise: "call me if you want" generally doesn't mean "laidback" so much as it means "I'm cheating on you so I don't give a fuck".

I don't understand why you feel like you need to choose between him and school. He doesn't seem to be very invested or mind either way. If you don't go to school is he going to need you more? Be better?

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joshikousei
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby joshikousei » Wed Apr 01, 2009 8:44 am

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Last edited by joshikousei on Wed Jul 29, 2009 9:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

dante500
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby dante500 » Wed Apr 01, 2009 8:46 am

ok2bedifferent wrote:Actually, I have a lot of time to talk... between drives, etc. And I don't feel like my schedule is THAT busy that I don't have 5 mins. to talk with him, that's if he calls me that is. He's like "call me if you want" and I'm like, of course I want to, but then it makes it seem like I'm the only one working in the relationship and that he's just well, careless. That's what bothers me. I am coming to a point where I feel like I have to choose school or him (and with tuition increasing AGAIN, I feel like the latter is a more attractive option). I can't spend time with him AND go to school at the same time. I think he's fairly understanding and gives me the time and space I need to study... but I feel the need to be needed if that makes any sense? girls help me out! LOL. I think it comes down to him wanting to talk to me and seeing how I'm doing rather than just blatantly drop off the face of the earth unless I call him, you know?


dump his a$$

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funkblaster
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby funkblaster » Wed Apr 01, 2009 8:54 am

TonyDigital wrote:Maybe I read something wrong but let me try to understand your problem a little bit better.

You work full-time and go to law school part time (one of the most intensive and time-consuming schools out there) and can speak to your bf in 5 minute intervals. But you're the one that is upset that your bf doesn't call during your drive from work to school or wherever you're going during your busy day?

Would it be safe to assume that if he did randomly call throughout the day you'd be saying, "damn, why won't he just get it through his thick skull that I'm a BUSY person!" and be annoyed everytime you pick up your cell and see 3 or 4 missed calls? As a matter of fact, he's so damn inconsiderate in acknowledging your busy schedule to say "call me when you want"...basically saying you have 24/7 access to him...

The way I see it is like this...you're an extremely busy girl and you have found a bf that doesn't bitch about not seeing you enough and gives you the space and freedom to pursue your current and future careers withouth smothering you...

This reminds me of a book I'd like to write one day...I'm going to title it "Woman, What The Hell?"...

I had no idea my girlfriend was on TLS! I get this all the time. She wants me to call, but she bitches me out for 30 minutes because she's too busy to talk when I do call. When I leave it up to her, she thinks she's the only one trying. Men can't win. We should just accept the fact that we will never get it right and move along with the "Yes, dear" life. Having a relationship with a woman=the way your dentist views brushing your teeth. No matter how you're doing it, you're doing it wrong!

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UandIaresplittsville
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby UandIaresplittsville » Wed Apr 01, 2009 9:06 am

This thread is not law school related. Which is fine - I'm just sayin.

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worldtraveler
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby worldtraveler » Wed Apr 01, 2009 9:20 am

kurla88 wrote:
ok2bedifferent wrote:Actually, I have a lot of time to talk... between drives, etc. And I don't feel like my schedule is THAT busy that I don't have 5 mins. to talk with him, that's if he calls me that is. He's like "call me if you want" and I'm like, of course I want to, but then it makes it seem like I'm the only one working in the relationship and that he's just well, careless. That's what bothers me. I am coming to a point where I feel like I have to choose school or him (and with tuition increasing AGAIN, I feel like the latter is a more attractive option). I can't spend time with him AND go to school at the same time. I think he's fairly understanding and gives me the time and space I need to study... but I feel the need to be needed if that makes any sense? girls help me out! LOL. I think it comes down to him wanting to talk to me and seeing how I'm doing rather than just blatantly drop off the face of the earth unless I call him, you know?


Word to the wise: "call me if you want" generally doesn't mean "laidback" so much as it means "I'm cheating on you so I don't give a fuck".

I don't understand why you feel like you need to choose between him and school. He doesn't seem to be very invested or mind either way. If you don't go to school is he going to need you more? Be better?



Agreed. It's not that he's being understanding. He just doesn't care.

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as stars burn
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby as stars burn » Wed Apr 01, 2009 9:25 am

funkblaster wrote:
TonyDigital wrote:Maybe I read something wrong but let me try to understand your problem a little bit better.

You work full-time and go to law school part time (one of the most intensive and time-consuming schools out there) and can speak to your bf in 5 minute intervals. But you're the one that is upset that your bf doesn't call during your drive from work to school or wherever you're going during your busy day?

Would it be safe to assume that if he did randomly call throughout the day you'd be saying, "damn, why won't he just get it through his thick skull that I'm a BUSY person!" and be annoyed everytime you pick up your cell and see 3 or 4 missed calls? As a matter of fact, he's so damn inconsiderate in acknowledging your busy schedule to say "call me when you want"...basically saying you have 24/7 access to him...

The way I see it is like this...you're an extremely busy girl and you have found a bf that doesn't bitch about not seeing you enough and gives you the space and freedom to pursue your current and future careers withouth smothering you...

This reminds me of a book I'd like to write one day...I'm going to title it "Woman, What The Hell?"...

I had no idea my girlfriend was on TLS! I get this all the time. She wants me to call, but she bitches me out for 30 minutes because she's too busy to talk when I do call. When I leave it up to her, she thinks she's the only one trying. Men can't win. We should just accept the fact that we will never get it right and move along with the "Yes, dear" life. Having a relationship with a woman=the way your dentist views brushing your teeth. No matter how you're doing it, you're doing it wrong!


lol, yeah women are complicated, I'll give that to you. But, I think after you've been with someone for awhile things start to relax. I've been with my fiancee since my senior year in high school (5 years now, and we just got engaged 3 months ago) and anything is possible. We've been through everything you can think of: bad car accident, long distance, emotional roller coasters, ect. But love prevails. I'm sure you've heard this over and over, but communication really is key. There needs to be give and take in a relationship, and it can't all be one-sided. Normally, if you're on and off with this guy that's usually a signal that he's not the right one for you. He needs to understand that there are things that you need in this relationship. If he cares about you he really will try.

I wouldn't jump to conclusions that his "call me if you want" means he's cheating on you. Women have an intuition/instinct for those things...there are usually subtleties you can detect if he's cheating on you so only you can answer that one. But in your second post it really does sound like he doesn't care. My fiancee is a very laid-back, let's-go-with-the-flow kind of guy but when we were long distance/and/or busy we always made time to talk to each other for a little every night or online because he knew that's what I liked/wanted.

No relationship is ever perfect, but when you find the right one you both learn to compromise, sacrifice and learn from mistakes.

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youpiiz
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Re: Sustaining a Relationship while in law school...

Postby youpiiz » Wed Apr 01, 2009 9:31 am

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Last edited by youpiiz on Sun May 03, 2009 7:20 am, edited 1 time in total.




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