JAG personal/interest statement -- welcoming feedback Forum

[TheOstrich]

I saw a few threads of people on here in the past posting their JAG application personal statements, and some of the feedback was good, so I thought I would cast this out in case anyone wants to read it and provide feedback for my upcoming application, or in case someone else looking for an example might find it useful. Things in brackets are were I removed anything that I thought could be identifiable, imagine real names where those are. Enjoy:

In my first year of college, I was told my family home was going to be foreclosed on. I was given a choice: continue attending college and lose my home or drop out to support my household. I chose to support my family, but—unwilling to quit my studies—I transferred from my first-choice college to a local school, and maintained a full-time work and school load simultaneously. Ultimately, I failed, and my home was foreclosed on regardless. However, this decision set me on the path to pursuing the JAG Corps.

Through this choice, I met a professor and lawyer who introduced me to the practice of law when he hired me as a paralegal upon graduation. I learned the positive difference a lawyer could make when a client came to the firm and told us that his family was about to be evicted. I knew exactly what they were going through, and I was given responsibility to research their matter. I found that their rights had been violated and drafted a brief supporting their position. That family was awarded a high five-figure judgment, and that was when I decided to pursue law.

That experience led me to enroll in law school, where I grew from the challenge. I became an effective leader when I was asked to serve as a [High Article Editing Position] on the Law Review, a higher position than I had applied for. I accepted the responsibility of supervising teams of over a dozen students in bringing articles to publishable quality. I managed deadlines, provided guidance, and offered support and adjustments to those in need to ensure the team was working effectively and that our Law Review never missed a deadline.

But it was not until my last year that I started to consider the JAG Corps. I joined a clinic which worked with the [State Prosecutors office], and I developed a passion for public service by drafting appellate briefs to uphold criminal convictions. In addition, I enrolled in a course that focused on military law, and I found it challenging, engaging, and interesting, so much so that I wrote a paper on the subject which was awarded the [Award for the Best Student Paper on Lots of Eligible Subjects]. These accomplishments solidified that a career in public service was right for me.

And that led me to apply to the JAG Corps. Only in the JAG Corps could I advise officers on military law, prosecute court martials, help soldiers and their families, be a leader, and serve the United States in such a direct way. Therefore, my desire to seek challenges, to mentor others, and to serve the public are why I seek to join the JAG Corps.