Relationships and law school

[Myself]

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[uvabro]

this dood is a loser

+ he doesn't like you all that much. he's seeing you as a backup until he becomes a hot shot lawyer and finds someone he deems better. if you're not pushing him to have kids and work yourself, law school wouldn't preclude marriage. how much work is marriage? a healthy relationship is prob less work as women take less time when they're secure, and he has free sex whenever he needs stress relief. + he isn't such a prize. law school doesn't = $..... especially from other schools. also, having a steady girl helps with employment as most partners/senior associates are married, and it shows stability to a region, etc.

[fosterp]

Doesn't sound like he is really that into you. He's giving you the run around because he is waiting to see if he can do better, or settle with you if he decides he can't.

The "not living together" is convenient for him because he can dictate when you are around on his terms.

[portaprokoss]

Many people get married or have kids in law school. It's difficult, but not impossible. I think that being married makes school easier. Frankly, there's someone to take care of me and I can just focus on studying. She feels neglected sometimes, but she knows that I do my best to spend some time with her each day.

If I were in your shoes, I would have a calm, mature adult-to-adult conversation with him. Tell him you're willing to sacrifice some of your career prospects for him as his wife, not as his long distance girlfriend. If you do get married over the summer, you won't see a lot of him during the school year, or for his first few years of practice . . . but it's not like he'll be overseas in Afghanistan.

Just give him an ultimatum. It's not reasonable for him to ask you to sit around and wait until he passes the bar to get married.

Besides, if you're hot you can probably marry some dude who is already a lawyer. kaching

[MinEMorris]

I definitely think his behavior is strange and that law school isn't a sufficient justification for the sort of space and patience he is requesting you keep. Even Xeoh, one of the most famous try-hard law students on this forum (#1 at UCLA or something) lived with his girlfriend IIRC.

You've been in a relationship with him for five years, so you're certainly going to do a much better job of figuring out what's going on and why he's acting this way than I am. Because of that, I won't bother speculating for you about what he actually thinks or feels. For what it's worth, though, I wouldn't be quick to take anything personally. Some people just don't value relationships after enough time has passed, period. Even if it turns out he is just disinterested, it may have nothing to do with you whatsoever.

I hope you can figure it out soon, relationships are tough. Good luck.

[whosonfirst]

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[094320]

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[dresden doll]

My work sucks up much more time than law school ever did.

You sound like a competent and reasonable individual. Unless there's something you haven't told us, he has no legitimate reason for refusing to accommodate your fairly modest request in re: living arrangements. I'd dump him because he definitely appears to be wasting your time.

[_crystal_m]

My partner and I have been together 9 years (I'm 26 now). 4 of those years were long distance for undergrad. 3 of those years she went to and finished law school (we lived together). One of those years she's been studying for the bar exam. And now I am studying for my lsat.


Hard? Yes. Doable? Yes. Sounds like he's giving you the runaround.

[Pokemon]

My girlfriend wanted to move with me while i went to law school, but I was against it. I hated the idea of her leaving the place where she was living, to follow me where I was going to school, and then again where I was going to practice. Felt that was too much of a sacrifice on her part, and I would not do the same if let's say tomorrow she ended up going across the country. I care a lot about a "career" and I want her to be the same. So far it has worked out as a long distance thing.
I have friends who went to law school and were pissed that their gf did not follow them, so I might be the exception.

[BaiAilian2013]

Long distance for 5/6 years is a red flag. Everyone talks about the risk that a long-distance relationship will break up something good, but here is an equally true thing that no one ever says: long distance camouflages bad relationships. Things are great when you see each other a couple times a month, and you both look forward to when you'll be truly together, but then when that is finally in your grasp, somebody hits a wall. Long distance can extend something that would have ended much sooner under normal circumstances.

I get his reluctance to get married before he has a job, but being unwilling to move in together is not a great sign IMO.

Other than the occasional fight, relationships should NOT be hard. I never get why people say that. You know what's hard? Lifting heavy shit and carrying it around. Learning partnership tax. Fighting cancer. A strong relationship is like breathing.

[jessemllr]

***

[Raiden]

As always, take the advice of a forum who do not know you two with a grain of salt. Do what you think would be best. Law school is difficult, but it varies on a person's personality and their life situation. Is he the stressed out type or more relaxed?

But if you are experiencing these difficulties, then this is discussion you should really be sharing with him. You should let him know how you feel otherwise he may have no idea.

Unless he is a TLS member and in this forum...

[redgreenpaper]

>tfw no gf

>tfw i will never have the chance to post this thread

[paratactical]

DTMFA.