inviting 1L professors to wedding?

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BeenDidThat
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby BeenDidThat » Sat Mar 05, 2011 2:56 pm

You can do what you want, but if I were a law professor I'd be pissed if a student gave me a wedding invitation.

I wouldn't want to reject the offer because it might hurt the student's feelings. But I damn sure wouldn't want to go, either.

I would never put my prof in that position.

dakatz
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby dakatz » Sat Mar 05, 2011 2:58 pm

Goose, that sounds like a pretty bad idea. Sorry to be so blunt about it.

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edcrane
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby edcrane » Sat Mar 05, 2011 3:04 pm

BeenDidThat wrote:You can do what you want, but if I were a law professor I'd be pissed if a student gave me a wedding invitation.

I wouldn't want to reject the offer because it might hurt the student's feelings. But I damn sure wouldn't want to go, either.

I would never put my prof in that position.


Your professors don't care enough about disappointing you for this to be any kind of predicament.

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goosey
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby goosey » Sat Mar 05, 2011 3:08 pm

formerbiglawpartner wrote:Please tell me you are joking.


No. I'm not.

Still confused at that reaction. People invite their grad school professors to their weddings all the time---google it and you'll see. I've even read postings from the wives of professor's that say they get at least 3 invitations per summer from students---im wondering how old the people are that are like "lulz u're kidding right?"

Like I understand the "don't invite unless you're really close" sentiment. But the "omgz, lol" are funny to me. Because you realize people do it all the time right?

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goosey
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby goosey » Sat Mar 05, 2011 3:16 pm

dakatz wrote:Goose, that sounds like a pretty bad idea. Sorry to be so blunt about it.


Yeah I think I will only invite the people that I developed a genuine relationship with..like beyond a few office visits. One of them is not even my professor, just somebody I have worked with since last semester.

I think my major concern in whether I should invite everyone vs just a few is that I didn't want anyone to feel snubbed. I also wanted to make sure they had a table of people they knew so they wouldn't be bored.

I disagree with the "you've known them less than a year" thing because I invited a hand full of my classmates whom I've known for the same amount of time and don't hang out with outside of class (except maybe lunch a few times). Maybe this is cultural, but we generally invite everyone we know to our weddings..and particularly people in positions of "respect" like a professor would be invited.

But yeah, will prob be inviting 2 professors...the ones I'm closer to.
And will likely ask one of those 2 what their input is on inviting the others.

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TTH
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby TTH » Sat Mar 05, 2011 3:17 pm

goosey wrote:
formerbiglawpartner wrote:Please tell me you are joking.


No. I'm not.

Still confused at that reaction. People invite their grad school professors to their weddings all the time---google it and you'll see. I've even read postings from the wives of professor's that say they get at least 3 invitations per summer from students---im wondering how old the people are that are like "lulz u're kidding right?"

Like I understand the "don't invite unless you're really close" sentiment. But the "omgz, lol" are funny to me. Because you realize people do it all the time right?


I'm thinking it's maybe a different social dynamic with non-professional grad school profs. Students work really closely with them on their research or whatever the hell it is they do versus the law school dynamic of one professor and eighty students.

Maybe if you were an RA for a Prof or were otherwise really close to one, it'd be okay, but I certainly can't imagine inviting all my 1L Profs to my wedding this summer.

keg411
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby keg411 » Sat Mar 05, 2011 5:11 pm

I wouldn't do it, but I'm also going to take a guess that there is a huge culture gap here. Goosey, try asking on wedding sites instead (I know they exist because some girl in my class is constantly on theknot.com message boards during ConLaw).

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A'nold
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby A'nold » Sat Mar 05, 2011 8:46 pm

goosey wrote:
formerbiglawpartner wrote:Please tell me you are joking.


No. I'm not.

Still confused at that reaction. People invite their grad school professors to their weddings all the time---google it and you'll see. I've even read postings from the wives of professor's that say they get at least 3 invitations per summer from students---im wondering how old the people are that are like "lulz u're kidding right?"

Like I understand the "don't invite unless you're really close" sentiment. But the "omgz, lol" are funny to me. Because you realize people do it all the time right?

I'm 27 and married, so.........

viking138
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby viking138 » Sat Mar 05, 2011 9:04 pm

I think this is just a cultural difference. Knowing that you have a different culture and, if they know anything about your culture, knowing that weddings are generally very large and involve invites to basically everyone, I don't think professors would be offended. I wouldn't invite a professor who doesn't know you, but those with whom you built up a relationship you should feel ok inviting.

Also, Goosey, I'm just basing this off of what I know about Indian weddings, but will you even have a wedding registry? I know the weddings my Indian boyfriend goes to almost never involve wedding gifts. Close family friends or relatives give money and that's about it. I think the whole idea that a prof would be giving you a gift is what is throwing a lot of people off.

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goosey
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby goosey » Sun Mar 06, 2011 2:36 am

viking138 wrote:I think this is just a cultural difference. Knowing that you have a different culture and, if they know anything about your culture, knowing that weddings are generally very large and involve invites to basically everyone, I don't think professors would be offended. I wouldn't invite a professor who doesn't know you, but those with whom you built up a relationship you should feel ok inviting.

Also, Goosey, I'm just basing this off of what I know about Indian weddings, but will you even have a wedding registry? I know the weddings my Indian boyfriend goes to almost never involve wedding gifts. Close family friends or relatives give money and that's about it. I think the whole idea that a prof would be giving you a gift is what is throwing a lot of people off.



no, no registry---people see that as asking for gifts and its a huge no-no. Nowadays people will create a registry for friends [usually the guy's friends that complain about how they dont know what to buy] and only share the information with a very select few that specifically ask/harass the couple to register somewhere. but we absolutely do not tell anyone other than our own closest friends about it...so, for example, even if a professor asked me if i was registered somewhere, I would say no and tell them that there is absolutely no need for a gift. and you are right..its generally money that is given by fam and friends...and we have two wedding days [one paid for by the girls fam and one paid for by the guy's]---the money that is given on the first day generally is kept by the girl's parents and is a gift to them more than the couple per se. Younger friends give specific gifts and the couple keeps those [to put into perspective--i have 30 guests, my parents have over 200]. The money received on the guy's day is kept by the couple. I would invite them on the first day that is being paid for by my parents...and considering they dont even know my parents, its a bit odd to expect them to give something to them. so yeah..there would be no gifts involved here.

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summerstar
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby summerstar » Sun Mar 13, 2011 4:00 pm

Problem is you're thinking like a newlywed-to-be, not a law student. You're are on cloud nine, the world is your oyster and everyone is your friend in this rosie time. You have your arms wide open to the world.

Law school is the on-ramp to a very formal business world. These profs are not your colleagues...yet.

While it may look generous and well meaning, you are actually putting your profs on the spot. It's an awkward situation to impose a chuminess on them that is basically a construct of an academic environment. The fact that you don't even know their spouses names or family status means they're really not that close to you. And, when people get invites like that, they automatically think it's because you want a gift (even if that's not your motivation).

I wouldn't do it in a million years. Remember, even profs who are "friends" are friends within a law school setting. They wear a hat of authority that they are loathe to put off, even for a wedding. And righteously so.

On the other hand, law profs love a good drink...they may come for that. But how will you feel when the one who drank your champagne chastises your answer next semester?

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goosey
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby goosey » Sun Mar 13, 2011 4:17 pm

summerstar wrote:Problem is you're thinking like a newlywed-to-be, not a law student. You're are on cloud nine, the world is your oyster and everyone is your friend in this rosie time. You have your arms wide open to the world.

Law school is the on-ramp to a very formal business world. These profs are not your colleagues...yet.

While it may look generous and well meaning, you are actually putting your profs on the spot. It's an awkward situation to impose a chuminess on them that is basically a construct of an academic environment. The fact that you don't even know their spouses names or family status means they're really not that close to you. And, when people get invites like that, they automatically think it's because you want a gift (even if that's not your motivation).

I wouldn't do it in a million years. Remember, even profs who are "friends" are friends within a law school setting. They wear a hat of authority that they are loathe to put off, even for a wedding. And righteously so.

On the other hand, law profs love a good drink...they may come for that. But how will you feel when the one who drank your champagne chastises your answer next semester?



Well, I won't have any alcohol at my wedding so I guess that takes away the major motivation to attend haha.

And yeah, you are absolutely right. It probably is not the best idea and can potentially look like I just want a gift, etc. Lol @ newly-wed-to-be mentality..u nailed it. Ill stick to classmates, family, and close friends.

delusional
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby delusional » Sun Mar 13, 2011 4:45 pm

buckilaw wrote:Tag.

Where do you see your current relationship heading, and when do you plan to check back?




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