Lawyers tell you how to get no offered. Forum

[09042014]

• miss deadlines with no warning
• skip a lot social events
• blame someone else for your mistakes
• be really rude like falling asleep or cracking mean jokes
• wearing booty shorts to a firm event
• complain

[El Pollito]

Ask if the secretaries give handies.

[MKC]

Ask if the secretaries give handies.

Why would anyone ask about such an obvious perk? TCR is to just whip it out at her desk.

[09042014]

• be a tls megaposter

[IAFG]

• invent fake cases to cite in your research memo

[09042014]

• invent fake cases to cite in your research memo

dont out boo bro

[rad lulz]

.

[84651846190]

• miss deadlines with no warning
• skip a lot social events
• blame someone else for your mistakes
• be really rude like falling asleep or cracking mean jokes
• wearing booty shorts to a firm event
• complain

Depending on what you look like, booty shorts might actually be a good thing for winning over certain biglaw partners.

[existenz]

Reply-all to firmwide emails in order to share your snowflake opinions on things

[09042014]

• miss deadlines with no warning
• skip a lot social events
• blame someone else for your mistakes
• be really rude like falling asleep or cracking mean jokes
• wearing booty shorts to a firm event
• complain

Depending on what you look like, booty shorts might actually be a good thing for wining over certain biglaw partners.

Even if you make a male partner want to fuck you, you'll piss off a metric fuckton of flabby female partners.

[09042014]

callin ga partner a [homophobic language redacted] and putting him in a headlock

[84651846190]

• miss deadlines with no warning
• skip a lot social events
• blame someone else for your mistakes
• be really rude like falling asleep or cracking mean jokes
• wearing booty shorts to a firm event
• complain

Depending on what you look like, booty shorts might actually be a good thing for winning over certain biglaw partners.

Even if you make a male partner want to fuck you, you'll piss off a metric fuckton of flabby female partners.

ti, oc, tcr

[rpupkin]

You're working on a pressing matter with a couple of associates who will need to work through the night to meet a deadline. It's 7 p.m. and they tell you to go home. You insist on staying because you want to make a good impression by pulling an all-nighter.

Don't gun when you're a SA. In general, you're a nuisance to the partners and associates. That nuisance is an accepted cost of recruiting so everyone puts up with it, but it becomes really bothersome when a summer associate insists on "helping" when the actual attorneys have to focus on getting shit done.

[NYSprague]

Remember the story of the guy who left for the afternoon on his birthday to hang out with his wife? Don't be that guy.

Don't make unasked suggestions on how to improve recruiting, the summer program, the firm, anything.

[09042014]

Remember the story of the guy who left for the afternoon on his birthday to hang out with his wife? Don't be that guy.

Don't make unasked suggestions on how to improve recruiting, the summer program, the firm, anything.

Don't make suggestions even if asked.

[suzige]

are people really this stupid? i hope so.

[09042014]

are people really this stupid? i hope so.

Yes, but as a TLSer you are probably also a sperglord and don't know it. You might do something as cringeworth and think you are totally justified.

[El Pollito]

are people really this stupid? i hope so.

Yes, but as a TLSer you are probably also a sperglord and don't know it. You might do something as cringeworth and think you are totally justified.

They've basically guaranteed themselves a no offer. I am excited to see this play out.

[seespotrun]

Try too hard to establish mentee-mentor relationships with a herd of associates of varying levels of seniority with whom you have no connection at all. Then attempt to glad hand your way to an offer by relying almost solely on the herd's advice, which you too often actively solicit instead of exercising basic judgment.

[NYSprague]

Remember the story of the guy who left for the afternoon on his birthday to hang out with his wife? Don't be that guy.

Don't make unasked suggestions on how to improve recruiting, the summer program, the firm, anything.

Don't make suggestions even if asked.

True.

Also don't treat support staff badly.

[bjsesq]

Look up cuckold on westlaw

[09042014]

Look up cuckold on westlaw

That day BJS learned why his dad hated test tubes.

[IAFG]

Try to stand out.

[bjsesq]

Look up cuckold on westlaw

That day BJS learned why his dad hated test tubes.

*bumps knucks*

[IAFG]

Mail joke letters on firm letterhead. Get address wrong so it's returned to the mall room.