Are ur parents jealous of ur BigLaw job? Forum

[PARTY]

If he did ask, I would probably not tell him.

really?

[Anonymous User]

...

[LawIdiot86]

Now that I'm back home with my parents for a few weeks, I keep picking up on snide remarks and subtle jabs. Im not all that close to my parents, who're probably considered middle class, but I really thought they'd be more supportive. Is this normal, or does anyone else think their parents might be jealous of their 160k salary...

If you come from a middle-class family that would resent your 160k salary, chances are you're in debt up to your ears. So no, I doubt your parents are jealous. It might be that they're sending you subtle hints to shut the fuck up about your 160k salary, though. Not because they're jealous, but because that's annoying.

I'm imagining several possible feelings from your parents.

We liquidated our 401K to pay for that year abroad you took during your four years at that overpriced small liberal arts college where you majored in creative writing and that you had to attend because it was the only place you could find yourself. Why haven't you mentioned the repayment of that gift now?

You're making 160k? Great! What's your net worth again? Oh, right, -160k with those student loans. We might not have big bucks pouring in like you do, but at least we didn't bury ourselves in debt at your age. Shut up until you've repaid enough to be worth zero.

We raised you to look at people beyond the number on your W-2 and now all you can talk about to your own parents is your W-2. You haven't mentioned anything about what you're actually doing at this job or described the types of things you'll do. We aren't the smartest people; we didn't go to law school. But we would really like to know more about what you do besides your paycheck and hope you don't view us as just a smaller dollar sign.

[dailygrind]

Sorry, I'm asian with immigrant parents...I swear there is an appropriate meme for this that I am just too lazy to find this morning lol.

the thing with asian parents is that they're greedy and will only be happy with their children's success if the success can be attributed back to the parents. otherwise, they tend to resent their children.

Maybe your parents, dood. I'm going down a radically different path from either of my parents and I haven't really taken to heart most of the lessons they've taught me (or I'd probably have ended up on a similar path), which they are well aware of. They are nonetheless quite proud of me.

[turkishswat]

We raised you to look at people beyond the number on your W-2 and now all you can talk about to your own parents is your W-2. You haven't mentioned anything about what you're actually doing at this job or described the types of things you'll do. We aren't the smartest people; we didn't go to law school. But we would really like to know more about what you do besides your paycheck and hope you don't view us as just a smaller dollar sign.

Well put.

[09042014]

My mom thinks 160K a year means I'll be a baller with cash to blow. Trying to explain how 250K in debt means that isn't true, but she doesn't get it.

[094320]

..

[Anonymous User]

My parents are very happy for me in general (though I can tell they are confused as to why some kid with zero experience should be making so much right out of school). But they are happy for me nonetheless. We are Jews, so parents need to be able to brag about their kids to their friends. So in general, and externally, they are very supportive and happy for me, know how important it is to start at one of these big firms since it will hopefully set me up for a successful career, etc.

Where they get "jealous" is when I focus too much on the material shit. We are and always have been a middle-class family who was smart with money and I was taught the value of things. My parents get "resentful" a bit when I go against those lessons. For example, I will say how I'm thinking about buying a Brooks Brothers suit during my summer SA as a treat, and my parents will think I'm a misguided and lost fool, totally going against what they taught me. My dad will go on about how he never spent more than $200 for a suit in his life, and that its about the quality of the work you do, not the brand of suit or shoe you wear. So they now think of me as this soft, materialistic, and deluded kid, yet they can turn around to their friends and brag about the same shit they criticize me for.

Though I told my parents they are going on a European cruise in 2 years (30th anniversary) on me, so that sort of placated them

[ruski]

Though I told my parents they are going on a European cruise in 2 years (30th anniversary) on me, so that sort of placated them

not saying its not nice to do stuff for your parents, it totally is, but be careful about promising stuff like this man. 160k seems like more money then u know what to do with now, but 2 years from now you'll be having your own dreams/desires to save ur own nest egg, to go to vacation yourself + SO, etc and spending 5k for your parents vaca may no longer be on the top of your list as it is now. im not saying you shouldnt send them to europe, im just saying you shouldnt promise now to send them to europe. if u still want to 2 years from now, great u should.

[Anonymous User]

parents have been great and are proud of me, but its with friends that its getting awkward. maybe im being paranoid but i feel theres this expectation now im suppose to pick up tabs constantly and offer to pay, etc. which i dont mind doing occasionally, but now i feel theres an expectation to, just a general attitude i am picking up on from my non-law friends, which maybe im just imagining. while 160k is pretty rich, its not like 'let me by bottles for everyone' rich. also i learned that some of them thought i would be making 200 to 250 as a first year so that doesn't really help either.

[09042014]

parents have been great and are proud of me, but its with friends that its getting awkward. maybe im being paranoid but i feel theres this expectation now im suppose to pick up tabs constantly and offer to pay, etc. which i dont mind doing occasionally, but now i feel theres an expectation to, just a general attitude i am picking up on from my non-law friends, which maybe im just imagining. while 160k is pretty rich, its not like 'let me by bottles for everyone' rich. also i learned that some of them thought i would be making 200 to 250 as a first year so that doesn't really help either.

Your friends shouldn't know how much you make.

[Anonymous User]

parents have been great and are proud of me, but its with friends that its getting awkward. maybe im being paranoid but i feel theres this expectation now im suppose to pick up tabs constantly and offer to pay, etc. which i dont mind doing occasionally, but now i feel theres an expectation to, just a general attitude i am picking up on from my non-law friends, which maybe im just imagining. while 160k is pretty rich, its not like 'let me by bottles for everyone' rich. also i learned that some of them thought i would be making 200 to 250 as a first year so that doesn't really help either.

Your friends shouldn't know how much you make.

yea none of them do. i havent told any of them. its not a secret though that corporate lawyers make a lot. like i mentioned some were under the impression corporate lawyers make 250 starting.

[Anonymous User]

parents have been great and are proud of me, but its with friends that its getting awkward. maybe im being paranoid but i feel theres this expectation now im suppose to pick up tabs constantly and offer to pay, etc. which i dont mind doing occasionally, but now i feel theres an expectation to, just a general attitude i am picking up on from my non-law friends, which maybe im just imagining. while 160k is pretty rich, its not like 'let me by bottles for everyone' rich. also i learned that some of them thought i would be making 200 to 250 as a first year so that doesn't really help either.

Thats why, this summer, I'm going to keep going to the same places I went with my friends before. I mean, we went to Applebees for half-price appetizers before I got my SA, and we will keep doing the same after, and we would obviously continue to split the tab. Its not like, since I'll be making much more $$ now, that I am going to force my friends to come to fancier restaurants and bars than we used to go to.

I also agree with the post saying you shouldn't know how much your friends make, yet I always end up finding out somehow without ever wanting to.

[09042014]

parents have been great and are proud of me, but its with friends that its getting awkward. maybe im being paranoid but i feel theres this expectation now im suppose to pick up tabs constantly and offer to pay, etc. which i dont mind doing occasionally, but now i feel theres an expectation to, just a general attitude i am picking up on from my non-law friends, which maybe im just imagining. while 160k is pretty rich, its not like 'let me by bottles for everyone' rich. also i learned that some of them thought i would be making 200 to 250 as a first year so that doesn't really help either.

Your friends shouldn't know how much you make.

yea none of them do. i havent told any of them. its not a secret though that corporate lawyers make a lot. like i mentioned some were under the impression corporate lawyers make 250 starting.

"Bro, you know how many unemployed lawyers there are!"

I was actually pretty fucking shocked anyone made 160K to start.

[Anonymous User]

Did your parents help finance any of your education? Then shut it and pay them back.

[Anonymous User]

Its not like, since I'll be making much more $$ now, that I am going to force my friends to come to fancier restaurants and bars than we used to go to.

yea ull still be going to applebees but now theyll just expect you to pay the tab. like maybe they'll be short on cash one (or a few times) and you'll spot them. they wont feel a huge need to pay you back. this has been my experience with a few friends. just saying. and none of them know EXACTLY how much i make, they just assume im a boss corporate lawyer (which i am )

[Anonymous User]

Its not like, since I'll be making much more $$ now, that I am going to force my friends to come to fancier restaurants and bars than we used to go to.

yea ull still be going to applebees but now theyll just expect you to pay the tab. like maybe they'll be short on cash one (or a few times) and you'll spot them. they wont feel a huge need to pay you back. this has been my experience with a few friends. just saying. and none of them know EXACTLY how much i make, they just assume im a boss corporate lawyer (which i am )

I guess I'll watch out for people being conspicuously short on cash each time we go out. Though I have a hard time imagining that out of my friends. They are the super proud types who see it as a sign of character that they can pay their way even though they aren't making as much $$ as they would like (since most are pretty underemployment right now). But I'd imagine that I would of course be unwilling to draw a line if they are ever short since I love those guys, so yeah, I see where you are coming from.

[Lawl Shcool]

My mom thinks 160K a year means I'll be a baller with cash to blow. Trying to explain how 250K in debt means that isn't true, but she doesn't get it.

I get this problem with my friends more than my parents. No matter how I try to explain that, after I make my student loan payments, I am making less than them at non-law jobs, they expect me to buy a boat and fund drinking activities.

[dailygrind]

My mom thinks 160K a year means I'll be a baller with cash to blow. Trying to explain how 250K in debt means that isn't true, but she doesn't get it.

I get this problem with my friends more than my parents. No matter how I try to explain that, after I make my student loan payments, I am making less than them at non-law jobs, they expect me to buy a boat and fund drinking activities.

Maybe there's an expectation that the money will keep flowing forever. I mean, if we could legitimately expect the big lawl income stream for the rest of our careers (especially considering raises), even the sizeable student debt we have would not stop us from being complete baller status. Except that's not exactly a reasonable expectation.

[Anonymous User]

My mom thinks 160K a year means I'll be a baller with cash to blow. Trying to explain how 250K in debt means that isn't true, but she doesn't get it.

I get this problem with my friends more than my parents. No matter how I try to explain that, after I make my student loan payments, I am making less than them at non-law jobs, they expect me to buy a boat and fund drinking activities.

I'm not sure why people's friends know what they will be making? One of my friends was like "so what do those big NY firms pay 1st years? 70-80K a year?", and I just said "yeah, about that". Why would I want them to know what I make? My dad won't even tell me what he makes, since thats what my grandfather taught him. And my grandfather was so extreme about this that he wouldn't even tell my grandmother what he made. She would ask, and he would be like "you live comfortably, right? so don't worry". Sure, we don't live in the 50's and 60's anymore when that will fly, but its sort of weird that people discuss it so much more openly now.

[Anonymous User]

I'm not sure why people's friends know what they will be making? One of my friends was like "so what do those big NY firms pay 1st years? 70-80K a year?", and I just said "yeah, about that". Why would I want them to know what I make? My dad won't even tell me what he makes, since thats what my grandfather taught him. And my grandfather was so extreme about this that he wouldn't even tell my grandmother what he made. She would ask, and he would be like "you live comfortably, right? so don't worry". Sure, we don't live in the 50's and 60's anymore when that will fly, but its sort of weird that people discuss it so much more openly now.

well u have lucky friends. probably from shows like 'suits' and w/e garbage is out now, most of my friends think i make bank. plus its kind of hard to hide. when they see perks like a free blackberry, or you ever pulling up in a black car, or just simply by seeing the insane amount of hours you work, they kind of figure out that you must be making bank. i mean hell, if i was just some nurse who had no idea about the legal field, and i see my friend always on two phones and dressed in a nice suit, i would probably assume he is making at least 200k too.

[Anonymous User]

I'm not sure why people's friends know what they will be making? One of my friends was like "so what do those big NY firms pay 1st years? 70-80K a year?", and I just said "yeah, about that". Why would I want them to know what I make? My dad won't even tell me what he makes, since thats what my grandfather taught him. And my grandfather was so extreme about this that he wouldn't even tell my grandmother what he made. She would ask, and he would be like "you live comfortably, right? so don't worry". Sure, we don't live in the 50's and 60's anymore when that will fly, but its sort of weird that people discuss it so much more openly now.

well u have lucky friends. probably from shows like 'suits' and w/e garbage is out now, most of my friends think i make bank. plus its kind of hard to hide. when they see perks like a free blackberry, or you ever pulling up in a black car, or just simply by seeing the insane amount of hours you work, they kind of figure out that you must be making bank. i mean hell, if i was just some nurse who had no idea about the legal field, and i see my friend always on two phones and dressed in a nice suit, i would probably assume he is making at least 200k too.

Most of my friends are either unemployed or underemployed, so to them, 70-80K is totally making bank. To them, 200K is pretty much inconceivable. But I haven't started actually working yet, so its not like they ever see me in a suit, on a blackberry, working on friday nights, etc.

[hichvichwoh]

Sorry, I'm asian with immigrant parents...I swear there is an appropriate meme for this that I am just too lazy to find this morning lol.

the thing with asian parents is that they're greedy and will only be happy with their children's success if the success can be attributed back to the parents. otherwise, they tend to resent their children.

I'm so glad my asian parents aren't asian

[Kronk]

Honest question, is there anyone in this thread, student loans aside, that would RATHER make 160k-250k than work 70 hour, inconsistent weeks and put in work time on vacation than work 40 hour weeks, never work on weekends or vacation, and make 60k-100k?

Genuinely curious. Probably depends a bit on if you're living with ridiculous COL like in NYC or SF as opposed to near anywhere else. But I'm actually curious.

[Anonymous User]

Sorry, I'm asian with immigrant parents...I swear there is an appropriate meme for this that I am just too lazy to find this morning lol.

the thing with asian parents is that they're greedy and will only be happy with their children's success if the success can be attributed back to the parents. otherwise, they tend to resent their children.

I'm so glad my asian parents aren't asian

Just like how some of my jewish friends have parents that so aren't jewish. My jewish parents are definitely jewish though