I wrote the following email a month after being put on hold by my university's law school. Right after being put on hold, I made it clear to them, very politely, that I was still very interested in the school and asked if I could organize a meeting with the dean to discuss the hold. I got some standard response; they basically disregarded my email and shoo'ed me away. To find out what was going on, I contacted a friend of mine who works at my undergraduate school to find out what was going on. He spoke to the Dean of Admissions for me and was told that they ran out of scholarship money and that I could attend for full tuition if I so desired, so I knew almost for certain that it was a yield protect and that I was unofficially accepted if I so chose.
Some background information. I've turned down a few scholarship offers at T25 schools because I wanted to stay in NYC for school. I also applied late in the cycle, which was why the school had run out of scholarship funding. I currently have put down deposits at one school that is considered on par with the school who put me on hold and one that is considered the next level above that school. The one on par offered me $45K a year and the one a level higher offered me $25K a year.
Also, I wanted this email to show that I was pissed off and I wanted it to get a response out of them. However, I did not want it to sound like I was some spoiled 0L who thinks he should get everything he wants. Your feedback would be very much appreciate. Trolls are welcome.

PS - If you need any further info, please ask me. I will gladly answer you.
Here is the email:
"Dear [Admissions Officer],
I hope all is well.
Exactly four weeks ago I received an email from [Law School] informing me that they were unable to act on my application, and that I was put on hold. (Before I continue, I want to apologize if anything I write sounds in any way rude, as it is not my intention.) That email didn't really make sense to me given my numbers and given the fact that I'm a [University] alumnus who was very involved in leadership programs and groups while in their undergraduate program. After speaking to [University Representatives] (I tried to speak to [Law School representatives] to no avail), I found out that [Law School] had run out of scholarship money, and for that reason put me on hold. I was also told that I could be admitted and attend [Law School] without scholarship money, if I so desired. As you might understand, that would not be an intelligent decision on my part.
This whole series of events really tainted the [University] name for me. Being put on hold really felt like a slap in the face, especially after I had waited an extremely long period time to hear back from [Law School]. Even given all of these events, I would still consider attending [Law School]. At this point, I have placed deposits at [School A] and [School B] , two schools that have offered me generous scholarships. [School A] : $25K a year, and [School B]: $45K a year. If [Law School] is in the position to make me an offer this week, I would be happy to consider it, and hopefully be able to continue my stay under the [University] umbrella.
If you would like to discuss any of this over the phone, I would be happy to do so.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
[0L]"