Yield Protect Email Feedback

[moshei24]

Immediate background information: My numbers are 3.49/165/170 (170 is the most recent) and the school I wrote the email to's 75th percentile numbers for full-time students are: 3.68/166.

I wrote the following email a month after being put on hold by my university's law school. Right after being put on hold, I made it clear to them, very politely, that I was still very interested in the school and asked if I could organize a meeting with the dean to discuss the hold. I got some standard response; they basically disregarded my email and shoo'ed me away. To find out what was going on, I contacted a friend of mine who works at my undergraduate school to find out what was going on. He spoke to the Dean of Admissions for me and was told that they ran out of scholarship money and that I could attend for full tuition if I so desired, so I knew almost for certain that it was a yield protect and that I was unofficially accepted if I so chose.

Some background information. I've turned down a few scholarship offers at T25 schools because I wanted to stay in NYC for school. I also applied late in the cycle, which was why the school had run out of scholarship funding. I currently have put down deposits at one school that is considered on par with the school who put me on hold and one that is considered the next level above that school. The one on par offered me $45K a year and the one a level higher offered me $25K a year.

Also, I wanted this email to show that I was pissed off and I wanted it to get a response out of them. However, I did not want it to sound like I was some spoiled 0L who thinks he should get everything he wants. Your feedback would be very much appreciate. Trolls are welcome.

PS - If you need any further info, please ask me. I will gladly answer you.

Here is the email:

"Dear [Admissions Officer],

I hope all is well.

Exactly four weeks ago I received an email from [Law School] informing me that they were unable to act on my application, and that I was put on hold. (Before I continue, I want to apologize if anything I write sounds in any way rude, as it is not my intention.) That email didn't really make sense to me given my numbers and given the fact that I'm a [University] alumnus who was very involved in leadership programs and groups while in their undergraduate program. After speaking to [University Representatives] (I tried to speak to [Law School representatives] to no avail), I found out that [Law School] had run out of scholarship money, and for that reason put me on hold. I was also told that I could be admitted and attend [Law School] without scholarship money, if I so desired. As you might understand, that would not be an intelligent decision on my part.

This whole series of events really tainted the [University] name for me. Being put on hold really felt like a slap in the face, especially after I had waited an extremely long period time to hear back from [Law School]. Even given all of these events, I would still consider attending [Law School]. At this point, I have placed deposits at [School A] and [School B] , two schools that have offered me generous scholarships. [School A] : $25K a year, and [School B]: $45K a year. If [Law School] is in the position to make me an offer this week, I would be happy to consider it, and hopefully be able to continue my stay under the [University] umbrella.

If you would like to discuss any of this over the phone, I would be happy to do so.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
[0L]"

[t-14orbust]

.

[moshei24]

I feel like it's very possible that money will open up when people drop out and go elsewhere. You agree?

[Rotor]

A) No one is entitled to a spot in any school regardless of his/her numbers. You sound EXACTLY like a spoiled 0L who expects to get everything you want.

B) If you have to put a parenthetical that suggests a note might be rude, it is.

C) If you really want to go there, but won't go without scholarship, then suck the loss of your seat deposit at the other school, sit out a year then apply on Day 1 next cycle.

[t-14orbust]

.

[stuckinthemiddle]

I'm being 100% honest when I say that there is absolutely nothing redeeming about this e-mail. I hope you haven't sent it yet. If I were an adcomm, I'd be offennded, think you're a huge asshole, and reject you on the spot.

Why do you feel you're entitled to an acceptance? Your GPA isn't even that high...

[kwais]

this email displays poor judgement and a lack of self-awareness. do not send anything in this ballpark.

[Clearly]

Is this a joke!? Get real man. YOU applied late.

[moshei24]

In case some of you missed it, I was already told that if I wanted to go, I would be accepted if I told them so.

[moshei24]

By late in the cycle, I mean later January with their deadline being April 1. And I also got my 170 on the Feb LSAT.

[moshei24]

Spoiler: This email WAS successful for exactly what I wanted it to be.

And to clarify again, there is no rejecting in the conversation. I was told by my connection that I was put on hold because they ran out of money and if I wanted to I could go for full tuition - all I had to do was tell them.

And the school isn't enticing enough to wait a year to go there.

[Dmini7]

In case some of you missed it, I was already told that if I wanted to go, I would be accepted if I told them so.

They did not say you could be an asshole about telling them so. I would not be surprised if they rejected you for your snarky remarks. If they cared about their median, they can very well accept two other people to bolster it who would gladly attend at sticker. If you really want to attend the school I would suggest rewording this last part.

If [Law School] is in the position to make me an offer this week, I would be happy to consider it, and hopefully be able to continue my stay under the [University] umbrella.

Be honest, you were with the rest of the email. Tell them if they are able to make a competitive offer you would gladly attend. The fact you are writing this makes me think you actually want to go, if that is the case just come out and tell them money would be the only thing holding you back.

In reality though, you really should rewrite the entire email.

edit: So, what type of response did you want? Do you even want to attend, or was it sort of a last screw you before you leave? I am genuinely curious as to why, and what their response was.

[JamMasterJ]

This whole series of events really tainted the [University] name for me. Being put on hold really felt like a slap in the face, especially after I had waited an extremely long period time to hear back from [Law School]. Even given all of these events, I would still consider attending [Law School].

are you kidding me?

[moshei24]

I also applied to this school at the same time as the other ones, and this one's deadline was later than the better school. Though, this one waited to look at my file until they got my Feb LSAT. I wonder if that was a mistake on my part.

[BlueDiamond]

Spoiler: This email WAS successful for exactly what I wanted it to be.

And to clarify again, there is no rejecting in the conversation. I was told by my connection that I was put on hold because they ran out of money and if I wanted to I could go for full tuition - all I had to do was tell them.

And the school isn't enticing enough to wait a year to go there.

Did you get pushed down stairs often in high school?

[moshei24]

In case some of you missed it, I was already told that if I wanted to go, I would be accepted if I told them so.

They did not say you could be an asshole about telling them so. I would not be surprised if they rejected you for your snarky remarks. If they cared about their median, they can very well accept two other people to bolster it who would gladly attend at sticker. If you really want to attend the school I would suggest rewording this last part.

If [Law School] is in the position to make me an offer this week, I would be happy to consider it, and hopefully be able to continue my stay under the [University] umbrella.

Be honest, you were with the rest of the email. Tell them if they are able to make a competitive offer you would gladly attend. The fact you are writing this makes me think you actually want to go, if that is the case just come out and tell them money would be the only thing holding you back.

In reality though, you really should rewrite the entire email.

edit: So, what type of response did you want? Do you even want to attend, or was it sort of a last screw you before you leave? I am genuinely curious as to why, and what their response was.

I wouldn't necessarily go to them. It would all depend how negotiations go with the better school. Don't worry - that email sounds nothing like this one. This email was a pissy email. Intentionally.

THE RESPONSE OF THE SCHOOL:
They actually called me up on my cell that day to explain the situation and were very apologetic. Basically, it was a yield protect. My end goal came to this fruition through this email.

[moshei24]

Spoiler: This email WAS successful for exactly what I wanted it to be.

And to clarify again, there is no rejecting in the conversation. I was told by my connection that I was put on hold because they ran out of money and if I wanted to I could go for full tuition - all I had to do was tell them.

And the school isn't enticing enough to wait a year to go there.

Did you get pushed down stairs often in high school?

Yay! The trolls have come!

But, no, I didn't. Why do you ask?

[hephaestus]

Either you're a bad troll or you completely lack self-awareness. Also, if you already sent the email and it worked, I don't see the point of making a thread about it.

[moshei24]

Either you're a bad troll or you completely lack self-awareness. Also, if you already sent the email and it worked, I don't see the point of making a thread about it.

A friend of mine I had an argument about it. Even after it was successful, he still couldn't admit that he was wrong about whether or not it was a good email. I knew the school I was dealing with well, as I went to the undergrad, was very involved, and understood the culture, so I knew what buttons to press. I would never write an email like this another school. Well, maybe to Barry Law. Those emails get soooo annoying.

[Dmini7]

I wouldn't necessarily go to them. It would all depend how negotiations go with the better school. Don't worry - that email sounds nothing like this one. This email was a pissy email. Intentionally.

THE RESPONSE OF THE SCHOOL:
They actually called me up on my cell that day to explain the situation and were very apologetic. Basically, it was a yield protect. My end goal came to this fruition through this email.

Do you mind showing us what the real email was?

[Ti Malice]

You can't be surprised that Cardozo ran out of money by early March. This just comes down to poor planning on your part.

If you choose Fordham over BLS, I hope you're living rent-free with your folks, because graduating from Fordham with $180K+ of debt would be sheer insanity.

[moshei24]

I wouldn't necessarily go to them. It would all depend how negotiations go with the better school. Don't worry - that email sounds nothing like this one. This email was a pissy email. Intentionally.

THE RESPONSE OF THE SCHOOL:
They actually called me up on my cell that day to explain the situation and were very apologetic. Basically, it was a yield protect. My end goal came to this fruition through this email.

Do you mind showing us what the real email was?

That was the real email. The exacts were just taken out.

[moshei24]

I wouldn't necessarily go to them. It would all depend how negotiations go with the better school. Don't worry - that email sounds nothing like this one. This email was a pissy email. Intentionally.

THE RESPONSE OF THE SCHOOL:
They actually called me up on my cell that day to explain the situation and were very apologetic. Basically, it was a yield protect. My end goal came to this fruition through this email.

Do you mind showing us what the real email was?

That was the real email. The exacts were just taken out.

$180K+? Where do you get that number from? Tuition is 50K a year and right now I have 25K scholarship.

[Ti Malice]

Is your cost of living fully covered by someone else? If not, do you plan on buying food and living indoors?

[Pope Francis]

Please do not pay sticker at Fordham. That is all.