Please Give your opinions / critique

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )

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Joined: Wed Jan 01, 2014 4:12 am

Please Give your opinions / critique

Postby Amelia101 » Fri Jan 10, 2014 12:02 am

Hello friends,

I would appreciate your comments on my draft Personal Statement.

“By 2030, India's diabetes burden is expected to cross the 100 million mark as against 87 million earlier estimated.”* When I read the headline in the newspaper, I was unmoved. As someone who had just begun working as a legal professional, I thought the issue was more for medical professionals to worry about. However, two years since that incident, after co – founding a company and collaborating with local health officials, I have gained a new perspective. I believe that XYZ School of Law will be the most ideal springboard to understand the working of laws in United States of America.

I learned the nuts and bolts of legal practice as an intern at XYZ & Co., a prestigious law firm. While working there, I prepared cases and represented clients in the Mumbai High Court. This brought forth the need to work with a diverse group of individuals including the clients, high court bureaucrats and other fellow colleagues. This helped me develop excellent inter-personal as well as communication skills. Even though I enjoyed the work, I realized that as an advocate, I only get to use my legal skills after a violation has taken place. I was interested in a more proactive manner in which I could use my skills to ensure legal compliance.

For this reason, I completed the Company Secretary examination conducted by the Indian Institute of Company Secretaries. Since its establishment in 1981, there are only 31000 Company Secretaries in India. It makes me feel really honored that I belong to such a small group of professionals.

After landing a job at XYZ Group in Mumbai, one of the oldest and reputed family run business houses in India, I felt I had arrived. However, even though I enjoyed the work and challenges it brought forth, I always felt at the back of my mind that there was something missing that would enable me to utilize my training and skills in a more constructive and far reaching way.

I am applying to XYZ School of Law to pursue an LLM with special focus on heath and corporate laws. I strongly believe that studying law under the guidance of Professors X will equip me with the understanding of the health care system and the legal, policy, economic and ethical issues surrounding it. I want to study health laws so that I can work in a law firm in India which has American companies as clients. My knowledge of health and corporate laws would be beneficial to the American companies planning to invest in the Indian market.

My work experience, academic background, and personal effort make me an ideal candidate for your law school. I am prepared to accept the responsibility and work hard. I am honored to be considered for admission to the XYZ School of Law.

*Times of India, December 14, 2011 – figures as provided by the International Diabetes Federation (IDF)

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Re: Please Give your opinions / critique

Postby rinkrat19 » Fri Jan 10, 2014 12:03 am took your resume and added some words to make the sentences longer.

This is not a personal statement. It doesn't tell me anything about you as a person.

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