Rough Draft. I will RETURN the favor for your PS or DS Forum

[odela]

Any feedback would be appreciated.

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I learned about the importance of law in my own home. My mother faced domestic issues that bred a constant mix of fear and stress for our family from a boyfriend who threatened and abused her. My mother’s relationship within a matter of mere months became toxic as her boyfriend’s insecurities and desire for control led him to treat the entire household without empathy or concern for his actions. Nights were spent awake as he demanded to speak to her and attempted to find ways to get inside. In our home, he would refuse to leave, take and destroy property, or go in my mother’s room, locking the door and confining her against her will. His actions and degrading dialogue disturbed me during my studies.

Representing herself in court without the means to afford a lawyer, I helped my mother create and edit statements while attending college in an attempt to convince the court to approve a restraining order. Although granted a temporary restraining order, we were ultimately not successful in getting a long-term restraining order authorized. Not together anymore, he still has contact for the purpose of picking up their daughter, and some problems persist. He still seeks to use his aggressive attitude to provoke conflict with her and me. Following the case, the lack of hard evidence encourages me to proactively approach the situation; I continue to obtain video footage of his behavior toward us, record audio of his lewd and threatening comments through his phone calls, and write details of his harassment if needed in a future case.

During the relationship my mother developed clinical depression, which still debilitates her from performing daily functions and responsibilities. I have formed a strong compassion for domestic problems in general as I could identify how these private issues have little transparency for protection. Away from home for college, I reflected on my work ethic and grades during high school and committed to improve and take seriously the resources available. With the strength of my ambitions, I received an academic award every semester.

While in law school, I wish to acquire an education that I can later use to advocate for those who do not have the financial resources or the knowledge to protect and express their rights. I am particularly interested in labor and immigration law because these fields of law address issues affecting members from the Mexican community, my ethnic heritage, and criminal law, because of my past from a troubled home. As a result of my experiences, the outlook I will contribute to a law community, particularly with class and adversity, will enrich the understanding of my peers.

[lawschool2014hopeful]

Quite boring and repetitive,

Abused family, blame justice system, I want to help. To further the problem, you wrote that same stanza 3 times, instead of introducing the abused family, then failure of the system, then I want to help each once, with its own paragraph (boring approach as well, but is better).

Also, you have contradictions within your statement. First you claim sexual abusement, then you said there was not enough physical harm to justify a restraining order?

Honestly I would write about something else.