personal statement beginning

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Anonymous User
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personal statement beginning

Postby Anonymous User » Fri Oct 11, 2013 10:20 pm

I was handed the flyer and I kept walking while not initially thinking much of the paper I was just handed. Across the top it stated ‘work opportunity for college students’, ‘pay starts at $25/hour’. Immediately my skepticism and curiosity had kicked in. I knew this opportunity was too good to be true. My curiosity didn’t allow me to pass up on this experience to see what this was all about. I called the number on the flyer and I was scheduled for a job interview. Going into the interview, I knew that this was going to be bogus. I simply went to see what the experience would be like with no intention of working for the company.
Upon my arrival, I saw something similar to a cult. People were being brainwashed before my eyes. Innocent individuals were buying into a scam and they didn’t know what they were getting themselves into. Right off the bat, I knew that this was a pyramid scheme. I looked around as droves of foolish people gathered around to hear managers of the company talk about the possible successes. I personally have a tendency to not always believe that I hear. I don’t let people influence my beliefs and It takes a lot of work to change my mind.


this is about how i witnessed people getting trapped into a pyramid scheme and how I would like to help people like them as an attorney.

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midwest17
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Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 5:27 pm

Re: personal statement beginning

Postby midwest17 » Sat Oct 12, 2013 11:14 am

Here's what I get out of this: you're arrogant, and everyone else is stupid.

jac101689
Posts: 139
Joined: Thu Oct 25, 2012 2:10 pm

Re: personal statement beginning

Postby jac101689 » Sat Oct 12, 2013 11:39 am

Anonymous User wrote:I was handed the flyer and I kept walking while not initially thinking much of the paper I was just handed. Across the top it stated ‘work opportunity for college students’, ‘pay starts at $25/hour’. Immediately my skepticism and curiosity had kicked in. I knew this opportunity was too good to be true. My curiosity didn’t allow me to pass up on this experience to see what this was all about. I called the number on the flyer and I was scheduled for a job interview. Going into the interview, I knew that this was going to be bogus. I simply went to see what the experience would be like with no intention of working for the company.
Upon my arrival, I saw something similar to a cult. People were being brainwashed before my eyes. Innocent individuals were buying into a scam and they didn’t know what they were getting themselves into. Right off the bat, I knew that this was a pyramid scheme. I looked around as droves of foolish people gathered around to hear managers of the company talk about the possible successes. I personally have a tendency to not always believe that I hear. I don’t let people influence my beliefs and It takes a lot of work to change my mind.


this is about how i witnessed people getting trapped into a pyramid scheme and how I would like to help people like them as an attorney.


What up, Feynmann?

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rutgers17
Posts: 149
Joined: Mon Mar 11, 2013 10:43 pm

Re: personal statement beginning

Postby rutgers17 » Sat Oct 12, 2013 3:28 pm

The writing itself is weak -- very redundant wording and choppy. It also doesn't make much sense -- if you were so confident it was fake, why did you go? You sort of come off like a douche, judging everyone for being at this meeting that you were also at.

Also, I'm pretty sure one of the example PS's on TLS that I read (or maybe it was one that someone just submitted) was about this same exact topic (and even had some of the same phrasing). So I'm not sure if you copied that or not, but it's eerily similar. I didn't think the topic worked that well for the other one, and it doesn't seem to work for this either. I'd try to find a better topic. Good luck!




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