"Why UVA?" for an EDing Splitter

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )

What did you think?

Boo, what garbage.
2
25%
Are you such a poor that you couldn't fly up there to visit so you would have something to write about that isn't essentially website and LST regurgitation?
3
38%
It's not that awful.
1
13%
You're going to drown in your UVA debt and it's going to suck.
2
25%
 
Total votes: 8

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North
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"Why UVA?" for an EDing Splitter

Postby North » Wed Jan 09, 2013 1:03 am

So, I'm wussing out and EDing to UVA with a 3.3/173. I want to be as admit-secure as possible, so I wrote a "Why UVA?" It's certainly not my most moving work -- It was hard to make it sound as sincere as I wanted it to sound. I also couldn't figure out a way to work in wanting to hang out with Br3v and ShadowofJazz as a reason for EDing.

If you don't mind, break any quoting up into one or two sentence blocks. I'll take my OP down when I ED, but put it back up after I get a decision so that future TLSers can benefit.

So, if you have some time, I hope you'll tell my why it's awful and what I can do to make it less awful. Here it is:

North wrote:STATEMENT OF INTEREST

.

Note: That last line is a reference to my PS.
Last edited by North on Wed Jan 09, 2013 1:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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bluepenguin
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Re: "Why UVA?" for an EDing Splitter

Postby bluepenguin » Wed Jan 09, 2013 1:36 am

Umm, it's okay. I don't know that it's all that necessary. The ED shows all the commitment they want, and you're a lock. Admitting your biglaw ambition might even cost you some potential $$ (or I might be wrong, seeing as that's complete conjecture).

-Hopefully careful consideration goes without saying
-They know UVA = University of Virginia
-Active vs passive (receive my legal education vice, say, study law)
-Going happily as opposed to EDing reluctantly and going under protest?
-I always wonder about things like that comparison to HLS. On the one hand, ego stroking can be good. On the other hand, sometimes people are egomaniacs and might be bothered by being compared to a "better" school. Plus it kinda says, "you compare favorable to the type of school i would go to if my numbers were better."

kegels for kagan
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Re: "Why UVA?" for an EDing Splitter

Postby kegels for kagan » Wed Jan 09, 2013 1:41 am

I wouldn't send this. They know it's your top choice because you are applying ED and your numbers should get you in (worst case scenario you get WL). You said yourself that this is not your best work, so unless you're willing to scrap this and really take the time to do a bang-up job, I would omit it.

The best "Why X" statements I've read have been more personal - describing a visit to the school or something along those lines that illustrates how attending law school X will make you the best version of yourself as well as how you will contribute to the community at X. So if you haven't had the chance to visit the school and can, I would definitely make the trip and write about this experience.

You may also want to save something for the off-chance you do get WL. If you send this now, it will make finding something to say in those LOCI that much more difficult.

TL;DR: You don't need this and as it stands now, it won't help your case. If you decide to send one anyway, take the time to do it right. I'm at UVA now so feel free to PM me if there's anything I can tell you about specifically to help with writing it and good luck!

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North
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Re: "Why UVA?" for an EDing Splitter

Postby North » Wed Jan 09, 2013 1:55 am

Thanks BP & Kagan. I'll sleep on it, then. I was under the impression that a "Why UVA?" was all but required, ED or not. I thought it would be a good idea because it's so late in the cycle. I'm just dealthy afraid of the WL Kagan mentioned...

So, to be clear -- is the verdict to not send it because it isn't necessary, not send it because it's not as good as it needs to be, or both? Both, I'm thinking.

BP, I'm going to fix the things you pointed out when I wake up tomorrow. I was iffy about the Harvard comparison too.

Kagan, it's pretty cool to be in your first post. Stick around.

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bluepenguin
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Re: "Why UVA?" for an EDing Splitter

Postby bluepenguin » Wed Jan 09, 2013 2:41 am

Umm... if I had to guess I'd say spend a day or three making sure it's absolutely perfect grammatically/etc and send it. The point is maybe less that it be great and more the mere fact that you cared enough to write it. There's nothing in it that would make it a negative in your file content-wise, even if the content is not super-helpful either.

I'm not really tuned into UVA's particular admissions trends, though.

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PickMe!
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Re: "Why UVA?" for an EDing Splitter

Postby PickMe! » Wed Jan 09, 2013 4:39 am

North wrote:STATEMENT OF INTEREST
I would not submit this statement of interest. The writing seems very rushed.

After careful consideration, I have come to understand that the University of Virginia (UVA) is the ideal place to receive my legal education. It is my top choice and I would happily attend if admitted. No other law school will put me in a better position to reach my personal and professional goals. No other law school offers a more intimate, intellectual, or idyllic setting in which to study the law. For these and the following reasons, I have chosen to apply to UVA through the Binding Early Decision program.

After earning a law degreeAdd a comma here. I intend to pursue an Article III judicial clerkship, large firm work in the southeast United States, and, eventually, policy work Your subject and verb does not agree.with the federal government. A legal education from UVA would put that career path within my grasp. UVA placed 10.6% of its 2011 graduates directly into Federal Clerkships – a placement rate that rivals Harvard. UVA also places its graduates exceptionally well into large law firms in the southeast – the region of the country in which I would like to spend my career. Towards that end, I hope to participate in UVA’s Law & Business program. I believe it would help me ease from my liberal arts education into the complexities of transactional law and, through the emphasis on experiential learning, afford me a leg up in making myself valuable to a large firm as a junior associate. I also intend to build upon my background in public policy and government by capitalizing on the course offerings of UVA’s exceptional faculty (specifically, professorCapitalize the P in Professor, and add a semicolon after Ryan. James Ryan, whose background is in educational policy) and proximity to our nation’s center of government The second half of this sentence is confusing.. An education from the University of Virginia would enable me to build a careerThis sentence has two dependant clauses; you need a comma here. I can be proud of.

What I have learned about the elite education offered by UVA made the school my top choice, but Charlottesville and the beautiful University of VirginiaAdd an apostrophe s to Virginia. campus is what made signing the Early Decision contract so easy. I grew up in south Florida and, quite frankly, I believe that it’s time I experienced all four of the seasons I am told are out there. I’m excited to explore the historical sites in the town and to see the Foxfield Races. I agree with Thomas Jefferson’s conviction that an intellectual community within a beautiful environment fosters learning and personal growth.

I am convinced that there is no better law school for me than the University of Virginia. A legal education from UVA will make my dream career attainable Add a comma here. and I would be proud to call myself a Cavalier. There is nowhere else I would rather spend the next three years. After careful consideration, I am certain that the next time I pack up my old Camry, I want it to be headed to Charlottesville. Your use of the word next is redundant.

[/quote]

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bluepenguin
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Re: "Why UVA?" for an EDing Splitter

Postby bluepenguin » Wed Jan 09, 2013 5:15 am

PickMe! wrote:
North wrote:After earning a law degree, I intend to pursue an Article III judicial clerkship, large firm work in the southeast United States, and, eventually, policy work Your subject and verb does not agree.with the federal government.

I also intend to build upon my background in public policy and government by capitalizing on the course offerings of UVA’s exceptional faculty (specifically, professoradd a semicolon after Ryan. James Ryan, whose background is in educational policy) and proximity to our nation’s center of government.

An education from the University of Virginia would enable me to build a careerThis sentence has two dependant clauses; you need a comma here. I can be proud of.

What I have learned about the elite education offered by UVA made the school my top choice, but Charlottesville and the beautiful University of VirginiaAdd an apostrophe s to Virginia. campus is what made signing the Early Decision contract so easy.

There is nowhere else I would rather spend the next three years. After careful consideration, I am certain that the next time I pack up my old Camry, I want it to be headed to Charlottesville. Your use of the word next is redundant.



I do not understand your reasoning for any of these revisions.

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PickMe!
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Re: "Why UVA?" for an EDing Splitter

Postby PickMe! » Wed Jan 09, 2013 5:52 am

- He's using "Professor" as a title.
-"Next" seven steps from "Next" is considered a repeated modifier. It's style.
- I know the "career, I can" looks weird, but it's grammatically sound. The comma is separating dependant clauses. I wouldn't risk not putting it there.
- YOU ARE RIGHT ABOUT policy work. I read the subject and the verb and it didn't agree, but in the context it does... 4:51am.

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bluepenguin
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Re: "Why UVA?" for an EDing Splitter

Postby bluepenguin » Wed Jan 09, 2013 6:19 am

Not necessarily saying you are or were wrong. Just not tracking your thinking. Not an English major here.

PickMe! wrote:- He's using "Professor" as a title.
-"Next" seven steps from "Next" is considered a repeated modifier. It's style.
- I know the "career, I can" looks weird, but it's grammatically sound. The comma is separating dependant clauses. I wouldn't risk not putting it there.
- YOU ARE RIGHT ABOUT policy work. I read the subject and the verb and it didn't agree, but in the context it does... 4:51am.

-What does that have to do with a semicolon?
-Okay, "next" isn't redundant, it's repeated. I didn't notice it, but that's something that'd drive me crazy if I wrote it, so I see where you're coming from.
-I only see one dependent clause. What's the second?
-Okay. Looked good to me, but I wasn't sure.

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PickMe!
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Re: "Why UVA?" for an EDing Splitter

Postby PickMe! » Wed Jan 09, 2013 6:34 am

When something is redundant it is said to be superfluous or more than what is necessary or natural. If a written work is redundant, then it contains repetitive expressions (or words). Hey, I love arguing mechanics, but I have to get some rest. Can we continue this in a few hours? My eyes are heavy. TTYL Lol.

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North
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Re: "Why UVA?" for an EDing Splitter

Postby North » Wed Jan 09, 2013 10:39 am

Okay, so I'm about to ED WITHOUT this "Why UVA" because y'all don't like it and that's cool. All the criticism is spot on, now that I'm reading it with fresh eyes -- it sounds rushed and contrived, just like I was afraid of.

So, I'm thinking I'll try to visit next weekend. Should I try to write a better, more personal one and send that in before the decision comes out in 15 days?

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bluepenguin
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Re: "Why UVA?" for an EDing Splitter

Postby bluepenguin » Wed Jan 09, 2013 1:26 pm

North wrote:Okay, so I'm about to ED WITHOUT this "Why UVA" because y'all don't like it and that's cool. All the criticism is spot on, now that I'm reading it with fresh eyes -- it sounds rushed and contrived, just like I was afraid of.

So, I'm thinking I'll try to visit next weekend. Should I try to write a better, more personal one and send that in before the decision comes out in 15 days?


I really think you'll get in either way.

But here's my thinking: If I get your ED app and see you registered for a campus visit or you send me a LOCI about your campus visit before I've made my decision on your app, I'm just gonna wonder why the heck you ED'd so shortly before visiting. Plus anything you send will sound ridiculous. "I came here and fell in love, so thank goodness I made an irreversible binding commitment just ten-odd days before I had the opportunity to actually make sure this was the right place in person."

Then I see your 3.3/173, upward grade trend, and work experience and accept you anyway.

Point being, in your shoes I'd either take a day to write a short, perfunctory Why UVA or simply submit it without it and let it ride. I'd save the campus visit for the unlikely scenario where you get WL'd and need a LOCI.

Or I'd write the website-trawling crap, then I'd visit. Then sit in the library and finish up the statement and submit it in the building, with all the reasons I found that day. "As I finish up my application in the Morris Law Library, I know I am making the right decision. All the evidence said UVA was the best place for me, but I had see it myself to be sure. Now I'm convinced that I want to spend the next 3 years in Charlottesville."

Then they can check and see that you really did visit that day (heck, maybe you spoke with them) and you're golden. Probably worth an extra 5-10 days to pull that trick. Far outweighs any minor costs from applying mid-January vs late early January.
Last edited by bluepenguin on Wed Jan 09, 2013 1:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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bluepenguin
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Re: "Why UVA?" for an EDing Splitter

Postby bluepenguin » Wed Jan 09, 2013 1:42 pm

PickMe! wrote:When something is redundant it is said to be superfluous or more than what is necessary or natural. If a written work is redundant, then it contains repetitive expressions (or words). Hey, I love arguing mechanics, but I have to get some rest. Can we continue this in a few hours? My eyes are heavy. TTYL Lol.


Wait, did you mean the first "next" or the second one? The first one is arguably unnecessary, but the second one isn't.

albanach
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Re: "Why UVA?" for an EDing Splitter

Postby albanach » Wed Jan 09, 2013 1:57 pm

1. UVA doesn't have a campus.

2. I'm not sure why you want to ED with numbers that should get you in to either UVA or a peer school.

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North
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Re: "Why UVA?" for an EDing Splitter

Postby North » Wed Jan 09, 2013 2:11 pm

albanach wrote:1. UVA doesn't have a campus.
Huh?

albanach wrote:2. I'm not sure why you want to ED with numbers that should get you in to either UVA or a peer school.
All of its peer schools feed into regions I don't want to work in (it took me a long time to come to that conclusion -- I love Cornell and Penn and had my heart set on them until I decided it would be much less stupid to go to the school that actually feeds into the market I want, the Southeast) and I'm scared of blowing my chances at UVA with such a late RD app (13% acceptance rate for above 75th LSATs via RD including early applications). TLS said I wouldn't be up for much in the way of scholarships anyway and that I'd likely have to hustle off a waitlist to get in. Are those (honestly asking) good enough reasons to forfeit a chance at, what, maybe 10K per year?

albanach
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Re: "Why UVA?" for an EDing Splitter

Postby albanach » Wed Jan 09, 2013 2:27 pm

North wrote:
albanach wrote:1. UVA doesn't have a campus.
Huh?

albanach wrote:2. I'm not sure why you want to ED with numbers that should get you in to either UVA or a peer school.
All of its peer schools feed into regions I don't want to work in (it took me a long time to come to that conclusion -- I love Cornell and Penn and had my heart set on them until I decided it would be much less stupid to go to the school that actually feeds into the market I want, the Southeast) and I'm scared of blowing my chances at UVA with such a late RD app (13% acceptance rate for above 75th LSATs via RD including early applications). TLS said I wouldn't be up for much in the way of scholarships anyway and that I'd likely have to hustle off a waitlist to get in. Are those (honestly asking) good enough reasons to forfeit a chance at, what, maybe 10K per year?


It's called 'grounds'.

Your reasons make sense. You might still want to think carefully about whether borrowing $220,000+ is a better option than potentially getting a very substantial scholarship from Vanderbilt or Emory given where you wish to work.




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