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chadbrochill
- Posts: 394
- Joined: Tue Mar 08, 2011 12:19 am
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fallingup
- Posts: 481
- Joined: Sat Jul 17, 2010 4:34 pm
Re: Personal Statement (Asian-themed), Is it Ready?
your paragraph about chinese history and stuff is too dry and not about you. the reason you want to study law should be more personal - tie it back to the way you were treated and the type of person it made you become - not to some dry/boring legal theory stuff.
i recommend you take out the words rebel and hippie from your first paragraph. they make you sound childish.
in general, i wish you would talk more in your essay about your emotions and your "troubled psyche" because that's what tells the reader about the true significance of your experiences. ok, kids made fun of you, and you weren't used to seeing other Asians, but how did this change your inner self? You need to talk about your VALUES, character, deeper impacts, otherwise it's just a sob story.
if you see yourself as marketable to asian firms, consider dropping some stuff in there about speaking Chinese fluently or having had travel experiences in Asia or something else concrete. there's a billion asians out there, why are you specifically more marketable?
my PS is about the same topic, if you want to look at it to bounce ideas around your head a little more let me know. i'd appreciate some reciprocal feedback
sorry if i sound harsh, this is a good statement.
i recommend you take out the words rebel and hippie from your first paragraph. they make you sound childish.
in general, i wish you would talk more in your essay about your emotions and your "troubled psyche" because that's what tells the reader about the true significance of your experiences. ok, kids made fun of you, and you weren't used to seeing other Asians, but how did this change your inner self? You need to talk about your VALUES, character, deeper impacts, otherwise it's just a sob story.
if you see yourself as marketable to asian firms, consider dropping some stuff in there about speaking Chinese fluently or having had travel experiences in Asia or something else concrete. there's a billion asians out there, why are you specifically more marketable?
my PS is about the same topic, if you want to look at it to bounce ideas around your head a little more let me know. i'd appreciate some reciprocal feedback
sorry if i sound harsh, this is a good statement.
