Just recently got my jobs approval for Law School...

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
thomaspickles
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed May 02, 2012 3:33 pm

Just recently got my jobs approval for Law School...

Postby thomaspickles » Fri May 04, 2012 10:12 am

Here's my 1st draft personal statement, and it's a very rough rough draft. I would appreciate any advice on what to include / what not to include here. I'm 2.5 years into my career after college, looking to further career w/ law.

Thanks a lot, any help is appreciative! I'm late to the party, but hoping to get a good/reasonable personal statement out there ASAP. :) (i.e. is there any way to mention the italicized paragraph without sounding stupid?)

>>>>>>>>>>>

Growing up, I always knew I would aspire to achieve higher education at all levels, but I can’t say I was always completely sure what that would exactly entail. Majoring in Marketing, Business Administration, Video Production, Engineering – my mind was anything but made up as I went through high school. My parents have always instilled an appreciation of education in my mind, beginning at a young age. My father attended X University when I was much younger, and even at that time I knew how important it was to him when he successfully graduated with an MBA. I still remember a 1998 trip to the local engraving shop, proud of my father and dead-set on purchasing a statuesque ‘Business Man’ trophy for his desk to commemorate the achievement; with my mother’s help of course. These types of small, yet important events, helped mold me to value and desire an education at a higher level.

Computers, LCD monitors, circuit kits, and a television – these were the big items that filled my room as I applied for colleges during my senior year of high school. I’ve always held a strong passion for all things technology and electronics – to the point that it essentially mandated my course of study as I transitioned to a college student. “Electrical Engineering” I placed on my applications for every university in which I had applied. I was excited to learn the ins and outs of the engineering world, and how modern day technology operated at a technical level. Throughout my days at college, I began to discover the immense importance of also intense human interaction and relationships, and how they can help foster further growth in almost any field. My senior design project, in which we were placed in groups of four students and given an open-ended project, most clearly defined why these relationships were so important. Many students were not able to quickly mold their group together to form a social bond, whereas our group members were extremely close from the beginning. This aspect helped us achieve success by the end of our project, being able to assign tasks, define our individual roles, and know our commitments to the group. We ended the year completing a working Thermoelectric Generator (TEG), using a DC-DC Boost system to successfully charge a pocket device with the wasted heat from a laptop computer. The engineering aspect was required, but the human aspect was just as important.

I was able to join the Electric Power Industry work force immediately after my college graduation, partly due to holding a cooperative education position since my sophomore year at that same company. Soon after beginning my full-time position I began to realize that my career detailed much more than simple one-line circuit diagrams, logic tables, and voltage graphs. I began to notice that engineered power facilities, discussions with outside parties, and regulatory actions all dealt with legal consequences. Aside from the engineering aspects, I was also starting to get heavily involved with the federal regulations and reliability standards with which power companies must comply. These reliability standards were mandated by Congress in the Energy Policy Act of 2005, which went into effect in 2007, so the legal consequences were actually fairly new to everyone. Along with these new regulations, my company added “Compliance” to my engineering title, officially confirming that my position detailed much more than just engineering work. My direct supervisor, who is the Director of Engineering and Regulatory Commissions, came to our company with a background that focused more on the regulatory side of the utility industry, a side in which I wasn’t familiar with from school. He has since fundamentally changed the way I looked at the industry, how I approach agreements, discussions, and the new reliability standards. I now realize that being able to articulate and discuss these power system projects and compliance with a legal mind is of the utmost importance to our company, our end-use consumers, and our system reliability.

I’ve always had a love for discussion, formulating debates, and reasoning. Many of my friends in life have detailed this passion in a slightly negative light, while still noting that I was usually successful. This success is usually because I find great joy in looking at discussions as a logical puzzle – almost a formulation of the English language, tinkering with the words to form a thought which will be successful. While there is obviously no exact answer, there are surely more correct ways to state something, and with this new realization I took greater understanding in how society formulates its written rules. I was made even aware of many of these formulations while helping my company sift through Engineering Studies and Agreements of various concerns, many of being submitted to federal agencies such as the Federal Energy Regulatory Committee (FERC) and the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA).

The past few years I’ve broadened my scope quite a bit, and along with this I’ve broadened what I hope to achieve in my career. Realizing the extremely relevant importance of legal counsel in the Electric Utility Industry, I began to pursue the idea of a continuing my education, but this time with a focus on Law. I wanted to be more involved with the day-to-day, rather than only planning and individual projects. The notion to attend law school became of even more essence when my direct supervisor, having spent 30 years in the industry, recommended that I pursue a Law Degree. Since that recommendation, especially, I’ve been determined to fulfill my desire to attend X University Law School this coming fall.

kublaikahn
Posts: 647
Joined: Wed Feb 09, 2011 12:47 am

Re: Just recently got my jobs approval for Law School...

Postby kublaikahn » Fri May 04, 2012 3:06 pm

Its too late for this cycle. You are applying for 2013 correct?

thomaspickles wrote:Growing up, I always knew I would aspire to achieve higher education at all levels, but I can’t say I was always completely sure what that would exactly entail. Majoring in Marketing, Business Administration, Video Production, Engineering – my mind was anything but made up as I went through high school. My parents have always instilled an appreciation of education in my mind, beginning at a young age. My father attended X University when I was much younger, and even at that time I knew how important it was to him when he successfully graduated with an MBA. I still remember a 1998 trip to the local engraving shop, proud of my father and dead-set on purchasing a statuesque ‘Business Man’ trophy for his desk to commemorate the achievement; with my mother’s help of course. These types of small, yet important events, helped mold me to value and desire an education at a higher level. [the diction here is confusing, passive, and overly wordy]

[so now you say you knew you were into technology, but above you say you dont know what you are into?] Computers, LCD monitors, circuit kits, and a television – these were the big items that filled my room as I applied for colleges during my senior year of high school. I’ve always held a strong passion for all things technology and electronics – to the point that it essentially mandated my course of study as I transitioned to a college student. “Electrical Engineering” I placed on my applications for every university in which I had applied. I was excited to learn the ins and outs of the engineering world, and how modern day technology operated at a technical level. Throughout my days at college, I began to discover the immense importance of also intense human interaction and relationships, and how they can help foster further growth in almost any field. My senior design project, in which we were placed in groups of four students and given an open-ended project, most clearly defined why these relationships were so important. Many students were not able to quickly mold their group together to form a social bond, whereas our group members were extremely close from the beginning. This aspect helped us achieve success by the end of our project, being able to assign tasks, define our individual roles, and know our commitments to the group. We ended the year completing a working Thermoelectric Generator (TEG), using a DC-DC Boost system to successfully charge a pocket device with the wasted heat from a laptop computer. The engineering aspect was required, but the human aspect was just as important. [this sentence demonstrates the problem with the passive voice. We don't know who or what is the actor and are left wondering what the aspect is. Rewrite these weak sentences placing the actor as the subject of the sentence quickly followed by the predicate. I.e. Our success depended on our ability to work as a team even more than our engineering ability (or something to that effect)]

I was able to [go through and cut out all the superfluous words; they slow the reader down and detract from your message] joined the Electric Power Industry work force immediately after my college graduation, partly due to holding a cooperative education position since my sophomore year at that same company I had externed for a company in the field since my sophmore year and based on my body of work they hired me despite the down market. Soon after beginning my full-time position I began to realize that my career detailed much more than simple As I crafted my one-line circuit diagrams, logic tables, and voltage graphs, I began to notice the legal touchpoints of my technical work. that Engineered power facilities, discussions with outside parties, and regulatory actions all dealt with had legal consequences on the work I provided. Aside from the engineering aspects, I was also starting to get heavily involved with began taking on projects managing the federal regulations and reliability standards with which power companies must comply. These reliability standards were mandated by Congress in The legal consequences of the Energy Policy Act of 2005, which went into effect in 2007, so the legal consequences were actually fairly new to everyone, and I became our company's expert. Along with these new regulations, My company added “Compliance” to my engineering title, officially confirming that my position detailed much more than just engineering work, and I became excited with the direction my career was taking.
[new paragraph, although I think you can probably do with this. I can see where you are going. Use the space to develop your love for regulatory compliance by telling a success story of your role as compliance engineer] My direct supervisor, who is the Director of Engineering and Regulatory Commissions, came to our company with a background that focused more on the regulatory side of the utility industry, a side in which I wasn’t familiar with from school. He has since fundamentally changed the way I looked at the industry, how I approach agreements, discussions, and the new reliability standards. I now realize that being able to articulate and discuss these power system projects and compliance with a legal mind [poor choice of words and sentence structure, are you discussing with a legal mind or do you have the legal mind?] is of the utmost importance to our company, our end-use consumers, and our system reliability.

I’ve always had a love for discussion, formulating debates, and reasoning. Many of my friends in life have detailed this passion in a slightly negative light, while still noting that I was usually successful. This success is usually because I find great joy in looking at discussions as a logical puzzle – almost a formulation of the English language, tinkering with the words to form a thought which will be successful. While there is obviously no exact answer, there are surely more correct ways to state something, and with this new realization I took greater understanding in how society formulates its written rules. I was made even aware of many of these formulations while helping my company sift through Engineering Studies and Agreements of various concerns, many of being submitted to federal agencies such as the Federal Energy Regulatory Committee (FERC) and the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA). [cliche, take it out. Never mention your command of the English language, it sets the bar too high]

The past few years I’ve broadened my scope [what does this mean? privately/professionally? the reader has no idea where you are going, so when you do this, the reader is left scratching their head] quite a bit, and along with this I’ve broadened what I hope to achieve in my career. Realizing the extremely relevant [relevant to whom? leave these useless and unnecessary modifiers out of you writing; never ever use words like "extremely", they add no descriptive value] importance of legal counsel in the Electric Utility Industry, [I don't think you need to reiterate this, and it narrows your legal focus unnecessarily.] I began to pursue the idea of a continuing my education, but this time with a focus on Law. I wanted to be more involved with the day-to-day, rather than only planning and individual projects. [don't diminish your contribution, the reader does not know you are not involved in the day-to-day legal aspects] The notion to attend law school became of even more essence [wtf?, you're killing me. do you say this IRL? ] when my direct supervisor, having spent 30 years in the industry, recommended that I pursue a Law Degree. Since that recommendation, especially, I’ve been determined to fulfill my desire to attend X University Law School this coming fall. [mentioning law x in the last stanza of your piece is a patronizing fail, probably an auto-ding I would hope]

thomaspickles
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed May 02, 2012 3:33 pm

Re: Just recently got my jobs approval for Law School...

Postby thomaspickles » Fri May 04, 2012 4:29 pm

No, I'm applying for 2012 fall at my local school. Why would you say it's too late, I just called their admissions and told them I would have my application completed by next week and they said it was fine.

Thanks so much for your help though, I really really appreciate it !!! :D

User avatar
rinkrat19
Posts: 13915
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2010 5:35 am

Re: Just recently got my jobs approval for Law School...

Postby rinkrat19 » Fri May 04, 2012 4:30 pm

thomaspickles wrote:No, I'm applying for 2012 fall at my local school. Why would you say it's too late, I just called their admissions and told them I would have my application completed by next week and they said it was fine.

Thanks so much for your help though, I really really appreciate it !!! :D
There is no school worth attending that is still accepting applications. You should have applied by Christmas.

6lehderjets
Posts: 226
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 11:01 pm

Re: Just recently got my jobs approval for Law School...

Postby 6lehderjets » Fri May 04, 2012 4:45 pm

rinkrat19 wrote:
thomaspickles wrote:No, I'm applying for 2012 fall at my local school. Why would you say it's too late, I just called their admissions and told them I would have my application completed by next week and they said it was fine.

Thanks so much for your help though, I really really appreciate it !!! :D
There is no school worth attending that is still accepting applications. You should have applied by Christmas.


In @ T14s. Applied in late January/early Feburary.

ETA: First part may be true, mostly TTTT that have app deadlines this late. However, the second part is unproven TLS belief that has been excessively perpetuated.
Last edited by 6lehderjets on Fri May 04, 2012 4:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
franklyscarlet
Posts: 2914
Joined: Mon Jun 13, 2011 10:16 pm

Re: Just recently got my jobs approval for Law School...

Postby franklyscarlet » Fri May 04, 2012 4:46 pm

6lehderjets wrote:
rinkrat19 wrote:
thomaspickles wrote:No, I'm applying for 2012 fall at my local school. Why would you say it's too late, I just called their admissions and told them I would have my application completed by next week and they said it was fine.

Thanks so much for your help though, I really really appreciate it !!! :D
There is no school worth attending that is still accepting applications. You should have applied by Christmas.


In @ T14s. Applied in late January/early Feburary.


yeah... not the same as applying in May.

User avatar
gaud
Posts: 5790
Joined: Sat Feb 05, 2011 2:58 am

Re: Just recently got my jobs approval for Law School...

Postby gaud » Fri May 04, 2012 4:48 pm

Cool name.

thomaspickles wrote:.


--ImageRemoved--

User avatar
DCDuck
Posts: 242
Joined: Mon Apr 06, 2009 4:27 pm

Re: Just recently got my jobs approval for Law School...

Postby DCDuck » Fri May 04, 2012 4:48 pm

There's a big difference between applying in Jan and May. TCR an overwhelming amount of the time is to not go to a school that will let you in if you apply in May. WIthout knowing any more about OP, take some time to polish your statement and apply early next cycle. Generally, the chances of an average/mediocre applicant are much improved earlier in the cycle.

User avatar
JCFindley
Posts: 1283
Joined: Thu Mar 01, 2012 1:19 pm

Re: Just recently got my jobs approval for Law School...

Postby JCFindley » Sat May 05, 2012 4:17 pm

rinkrat19 wrote:
thomaspickles wrote:No, I'm applying for 2012 fall at my local school. Why would you say it's too late, I just called their admissions and told them I would have my application completed by next week and they said it was fine.

Thanks so much for your help though, I really really appreciate it !!! :D
There is no school worth attending that is still accepting applications. You should have applied by Christmas.


University of Alabama: Deadline: August 08, 2012 as copied directly from the LSAC page. I am pretty sure Bama is a pretty good school and probably the BEST school is you want to practice in the state.....

OK, now on to the argument that you should sit out and wait then apply the FIRST day apps open.... Keep in mind that TLS is full of some hard core gunners but that does not mean they are always right and there is NO data to back up the theory that applying late is throwing away money..... (Yes, applying early likely helps but you have nothing to lose applying late except for the app fee.....)

To the OP, I got the same advice back in march that it was FAR to late to apply now and I should wait a year. I applied to my top two choices within days of the deadline and got into both....

Next someone will say, yeah but just because someone wins the lottery doesn't mean it is easy. To them, you can't win if you don't play.......

All that said, the OP has a career and wants to further it with LS. That may well mean that he HAS a job when graduating and the local TTTT will get him the piece of paper he needs. Heck, his employers may even be paying for it.....

jC

User avatar
kapachino
Posts: 566
Joined: Mon Feb 07, 2011 11:43 pm

Re: Just recently got my jobs approval for Law School...

Postby kapachino » Sat May 05, 2012 4:24 pm

JCFindley wrote:
rinkrat19 wrote:
thomaspickles wrote:No, I'm applying for 2012 fall at my local school. Why would you say it's too late, I just called their admissions and told them I would have my application completed by next week and they said it was fine.

Thanks so much for your help though, I really really appreciate it !!! :D
There is no school worth attending that is still accepting applications. You should have applied by Christmas.


University of Alabama: Deadline: August 08, 2012 as copied directly from the LSAC page. I am pretty sure Bama is a pretty good school and probably the BEST school is you want to practice in the state.....


The general population of aspiring lawyers isn't going to be interested in attending UoA, either because most think they can do better, or just don't want to practice in fucking Alabama. Anyway, the advice that the OP should wait and apply at a time when he/she will have the greatest number of options is far more sound than applying extremely late to every school that is still taking apps just because they're still taking apps.

User avatar
JCFindley
Posts: 1283
Joined: Thu Mar 01, 2012 1:19 pm

Re: Just recently got my jobs approval for Law School...

Postby JCFindley » Sat May 05, 2012 6:46 pm

kapachino wrote:The general population of aspiring lawyers isn't going to be interested in attending UoA, either because most think they can do better, or just don't want to practice in fucking Alabama. Anyway, the advice that the OP should wait and apply at a time when he/she will have the greatest number of options is far more sound than applying extremely late to every school that is still taking apps just because they're still taking apps.


It still contradicts that there is NO school worth attending regardless of your obvious bias against the fine state of Alabama....

And if you were to actually read the OP's statement he/she is applying at the LOCAL school and not in fact applying to "every school" still taking apps.....

:)




Return to “Law School Personal Statements”

Who is online

The online users are hidden on this forum.