"Why UCI?" essay (please critique)

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"Why UCI?" essay (please critique)

Postby 3v3ryth1ng » Mon Jan 02, 2012 8:39 am


Prompt: We know that you have many options when applying to law school. Tell us why you are interested in the School of Law at University of California, Irvine. What do you believe we have to offer you? What will you bring to the School of Law? How would your experiences and perspectives enhance and enrich the quality and breadth of our law school community?

I thought this essay would be easy, but for some reason I've had a very difficult time writing it. For those of you who don't know, UCI is a very new school. I'm trying to focus on my prior experience establishing a new school, because that's what will likely stand out among other essays. My other reasons (as listed in the first paragraph) are genuine, but I anticipate most other "Why UCI?" essays broach these subjects.

This is still a rough draft. Here's what I'd like to know:

-As a concept, would this be effective?
-Overall, does it flow?
-Did you have any problems/misunderstandings while reading it?
-Did you notice any mistakes?
-Would you add/omit/reword anything?
-General comments, advice?

Please, constructive comments only.
Trolls/post-count whores, please derp/up your post count elsehwere.

And, as always, thank you to that segment of TLS who has always been helpful and supportive throughout this whole process. You know I'll return the favor. Just ask!

I am convinced that, with its accomplished faculty, small class sizes, and experiential learning approach, UCI Law School would provide the best legal education available. After reading the school’s website and statements by Dean Chemerinsky, I am also convinced that UCI’s public service ideals mesh with my own. Furthermore, with its proximity to my birthplace, where I ultimately intend to raise a family, I could even say UCI is the perfect location for me to study law.

However, my primary reason for wanting to attend is because, by virtue of its youth, UCI Law School offers me the greatest opportunities for meaningful contribution. I want to feel truly invested in my education, and the experience of building a new law school, in conjunction with the efforts of other like-minded individuals, would provide such investment. At no other law school does this opportunity exist.

I know that, in many respects, a school functions like a team. As someone who has worked with others to establish a new school, I know how vital positive, constructive, and collaborative attitudes are to a team’s success. I believe that UCI attracts people with such attitudes, and these are the types of people I wish to be surrounded with. My experience collaborating with others would be a great asset to this team, and together we could accomplish great things for the school.

A successful team also requires that each member be willing to carry more than his or her own weight. Similarly, a new school’s stakeholders, including both students and staff, must assume responsibility for every detail of the school’s identity. I do not shy from this challenge. In fact, I have met this challenge several times in the past. I helped build tradition by organizing our school’s annual talent shows. I helped establish our reputation for having high academic standards by implementing a successful school-wide literacy intervention plan. I helped to build spirit and community by writing our school’s motivational theme songs. Because my input was needed and valued, I felt personally invested in the school’s outcomes. This investment was a powerful motivator for me to succeed professionally, and it is this kind of investment that I believe can help further motivate me to succeed in law school.

While I realize that establishing a law school is quite different from establishing a high school, and that my role would shift from that of a staff member to a student, I know my insight and experience would be valuable assets to your school. UCI needs students who are willing take initiative in creating all the opportunities one would expect from a top-tier law school. I am ready to meet these challenges, as I’ve met similar challenges before. I would like nothing more than to spend the next three years at UCI building the kind of law school I would want to attend.

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Re: "Why UCI?" essay (please critique)

Postby soitgoes9 » Mon Jan 02, 2012 9:21 am

I did not like the first two paragraphs. I would try to cut half the words in them. They sound too verbose and also introduced ideas like faculty strength that you never return to. Cut a lot form the first two make them one then add one more graph that talks about the faculty or programs that you would like to expand or help start. Also I was only 300 words and I got in so if you are a little short that may be ok.

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