What do you think?! REVISED holocaust survivor statement

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barig15
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What do you think?! REVISED holocaust survivor statement

Postby barig15 » Wed Dec 14, 2011 11:18 am

Lash marks. Broken ear drums. Lost kidney. Bruised egos. Shattered faith. Ninety family members dead. That lists just some of the things my grandfather, a Holocaust survivor, carries around with him every day. As a survivor of 7 different concentration camps, as well as a number of near death experiences after liberation, he is more than just an inspiration to me.

Since I was a little girl I have heard stories of perservearance and of determination. These stories were not only from his life within the concentration camp, but also after; about coming to America and making a life for himself and his family. His perservearance and drive to become better in spite of all his obstacles is what inspired me to become better, and to want to succeed as a legal professional.

He is the real reason I am who I am today. A strong, dedicated individual. My grandfather has instilled in me the ideas that obstacles can be overcome, and that with dedication comes greatness. I live with these ideas and continue to apply them to my life every day.

As an undergraduate freshman, I searched for a major that would make me feel important, something that would give me some sort of meaning after I graduated. As I scanned the course books, I came across the Legal Studies program and immediately was drawn to it. My decision was made, Legal Studies became my major. Throughout my undergraduate years I have complete course work for over 15 legal classes, most of which will surely help me in my law school career. However, I have also gained invaluable experience. I have had pleasure to work in the legal profession for 3 years and can affirm that this is in fact my passion. The dedication I have put forth to succeed in my major is undeniable and although difficult, it only makes me strive to be excellent in every endeavor I take on.

As an undergraduate sophomore, I was diagnosed with a depression disorder that caused me to miss days of school at a time, and to fall behind in my classes. I was ill and knew I needed help, and sought therapy to overcome my medical obstacles. As I dedicated my time to therapy, I also began to dedicate time to my school work again. I was determined to beat the disease that was trying to take over my life. In 2 and a half weeks I managed to complete almost an entire semester full of work in order to pass all my classes. I think this time in my life has taught me to dedicate time when time needs to be dedicated in order to achieve goals. As my semesters progress, I still fight my own personal battle with depression, but have worked towards controlling my illness. This coupled with my drive to succeed has allowed me to work through my last 2 years of college without any other incidence. I believe the skills I have learned, and the determination I have put forth can only help me become a better lawyer, but first a successful law student. I think that my experiences have given me the strength to withstand the pressure and workload that comes with enrolling in a law school.

My experiences and my coursework, along with the inspiration my grandfather has given me has fueled my desire to become a successful lawyer. With the right atmosphere, such as _____, I believe I can flourish academically and become an integral part of the law school community.
Last edited by barig15 on Wed Dec 14, 2011 1:35 pm, edited 2 times in total.

thederangedwang
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Joined: Tue Jul 12, 2011 9:44 pm

Re: PLEASE! WHAT DO YOU THINK?! holocaust survivor statement

Postby thederangedwang » Wed Dec 14, 2011 11:31 am

It's never good to be angry at anything...and that is the focus of your personal statement. You never want your ps to be a vendetta or revenge driven, hate-filled, and anger influenced. And that is exactly the message your PS communicates regardless of the value of the anger.

Better to be motivated than angry. Change your message and tone into an uplifting inspirational story, not one about you being pissed off. The overall topic is good though, just make sure this PS is about you and not about your relatives.

Also here are a few lines that stood out to me

Can you imagine how many stories they had?Yes, Yes I probably can

The stories that are filled with anger. The ones where my grandpa screamed about how INJUST things were, and how saying something was "unfair" was a vast understatementThis is too emotionally raw especially how you capitalize INJUST...it just seems like your really pissed off which is not good and shows lack of control in both your emotions and writing

He resented every country that didn't try to stop the Nazi's sooner, and he resented the injustice of it all; the torture he had to go through for being himself. Too strong...resentment?

I have been inspired since my freshman year of college to do what is right, and to seek justice in the smallest of things, because I know how important even the smallest of things are. Whether it be the way a paper is graded, or defending a classmate being bullied (yes this happens in college), I strive for what I believe is the right.This is just bad message, to me, the image I get of you is an overzealous student quick to pick a fight with any PERCEIVED injustice...also the part about the bullying is not good, delete

This entailed heading the judicial board, which disciplined members for violating the constitution of the organization.As I said before, this fuels the image of you of being some overzealous person who likes to judge others and believes oneself to have the authority to do so

but there is always and will always be his voice in my head telling me that justice needs to be served, and to do the right thing.Simply naive

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bk1
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Re: PLEASE! WHAT DO YOU THINK?! holocaust survivor statement

Postby bk1 » Wed Dec 14, 2011 11:34 am

Meh. A PS is supposed to be about you, not about your relatives. The only thing about you in this PS is what you majored in in undergrad and that is completely underwhelming.

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franklyscarlet
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Re: PLEASE! WHAT DO YOU THINK?! holocaust survivor statement

Postby franklyscarlet » Wed Dec 14, 2011 11:41 am

The idea you present and seem to hold of justice is bombastic, And characterizes you (I hope mistakenly) as someone who will spend their time arguing with professors over every little point in the name of "justice." remember, your PS doesn't need to show you as some champion for justice- it just needs to show who you are and why law school is a good fit.




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