rip me a new one! Forum

[houng89]

please i need some critique, tell me if this ps works or not... thanks!

As I sat listening to my commencement address, I felt strangely detached from my fellow peers. Many Marshall undergraduates, myself included, had entered USC holding the unwavering belief that we would become the next generation of business professionals. Most would leave Marshall with that belief intact. Though some strayed from this path, I still felt like a white sheep among a sea of black cap and gowns. Two significant experiences have contributed to my decision to attend law school. One has granted me skills essential to a lawyer while the other the passion and resolve to successfully pursue such a commitment.

In the spring of 2009, I became the youngest intern to work at Smith Barney’s Pasadena branch. I worked diligently to gain the trust of my supervisor, Wynne. With each successful assignment, I was given greater responsibilities. For my final project, I was to identify financial opportunities for clients with a net worth of over $100 million dollars. I successfully completed a 30-page report after two weeks of in-depth research and rigorous financial analysis. On my last day, Wynne granted me the opportunity to share my opinions on investments that could help clients retain their wealth during one of the largest recessions in history. Pleased with my work, Wynne thanked and asked me to return the following semester.

My internship at Smith Barney was certainly an invaluable experience. The countless hours of market research and the act of constantly scrutinizing financial spreadsheets conditioned me to become critical of small details. This attention to detail and the critical reasoning abilities I honed as an intern are skills necessary for any successful law student. Although I appreciated my time at Smith Barney, wealth management lacked something I was looking for.

Two years later, I was asked to present another report, but this time I found myself in juvenile court. A judge requested that I represent Carlos, a foster child who had been abused or neglected. As a Court Appointed Special Advocate, I hoped to provide the judge with a unique perspective on the case. I would advocate for Carlos’ best interests by developing a deep relationship him. However, advocacy did not come easily for me.

For two months, Carlos refused to attend any of our scheduled activities. Nonetheless, I remained persistent.
After dozens of phone calls and unsuccessful visits, I finally met Carlos. With each subsequent interaction, our friendship and trust in each other would slowly grow. Carlos later informed me that he had avoided our earlier meetings because he distrusted most of the adults working on his case. They always seemed to investigate him or his family. On the other hand, I attempted to listen to his needs and aspirations. Eventually, I was given the opportunity to advocate for Carlos’ dreams in court. My testimony ultimately convinced the judge to provide county funds so that Carlos could finally join his school’s wrestling team.

Although I played only a small role in the judicial system, I played a much larger role in Carlos’ life. I witnessed his elation first hand as I informed him that money would no longer be an obstacle in pursuing his dream of joining the wrestling team. By advocating for someone unable to advocate for himself, I experienced a fulfillment that I had never encountered before. I believe I have found what I was searching for, something to be passionate about. This passion and the tenacity I demonstrated as an advocate will be crucial to my success in law school.

As graduation concluded, the alienation I felt before began to erode into feelings of camaraderie. Regardless of whichever path I took, I shared with my fellow Trojans a similar passion and tenacity. I hope to utilize the tenacity and skills I’ve developed to pursue my passion and study public interest law. By serving the public interest, I hope to leave some sort of legacy. I recognize that although I may not change the world I wish to use my finite time to speak up for those that society has abandoned because everyone deserves to be genuinely listened to without judgment or prejudice.