New PS draft

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
adclemen
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Oct 04, 2011 10:38 pm

New PS draft

Postby adclemen » Tue Oct 18, 2011 9:57 pm

My Voyage, My Dream
Chance or destiny – it is a fine line, but not in a moment of clarity. Trembling at the edge of my grandfather’s bed as tears rolled down my cheeks, I looked deep into his eyes and realized that this would be the end. As I mumbled out the words “I will love you forever”, he lovingly stared back at me and uttered the phrase that changed my life. There, as he was coming to the end and nearing God, he told me “Never give up on yourself and follow your dreams”. I have never been able to forget his profound words of wisdom. This remark, though not specific, has given me the motivation to follow what I feel to be my calling – a career in law. Deep in my heart, I know what those words were meant for in my life, and I believe law to be destiny.
All my life, I played around with thoughts of being a lawyer. But various questions constantly clouded my vision. Is law really the right choice for me? Can I succeed in such a cut-throat profession? Personally, I did not think it possible for me. The thought of pursuing an education in law intimidates, yet excites me. But when my grandfather muttered that fundamental phrase, I saw it as the wake-up call I needed. Though he did not come right out and tell what to do with my future, when he said those words, my future in law immediately flashed before me. My grandfather ultimately provided me with the enthusiasm necessary to take the next step. I know now, more than ever before, it was meant to be. These feelings alone are enough to power me through anything. And once I believe in something, I will accomplish it.
Coming from a family with no background in college education, pursuing a college education was a major triumph for me. I have always loved to learn. During a chat with my family over my time in college, I remember saying, “The list of classes that interest me at Purdue is endless; I just want to take them all!” My family looked at me like I was crazy, as most people my age are saying things to the contrary. Hearing time and time again from my parents, “I do not know where you get your smarts”, or “I do not know how you do so well in school” never really impacted me, since neither of them truly excelled school wise. I do not consider myself inherently smart, but rather I hold myself to a high standard of success in order to continue pushing myself forward. I strive for perfection in all aspects of my life, never stopping until my work is the best it can be. This comes from a strong sense of self-worth and motivation. I do not do it for the recognition, or to please others, or to fit in. I do it solely for me.
Nearing the middle of my career as an undergraduate student, I I was presented with the opportunity to study abroad for Spanish. Hesitantly, I forced myself to take advantage of the situation, given that things of this nature do not come around often. Not only did I walk out of the trip with renewed confidence in myself, but I was a whole new person. My Spanish speaking skills had sharpened significantly, giving me confidence in the second language I had been working so diligently to perfect. Upon returning home, I thought to myself that if I can do this, I can do anything. Traveling abroad has broadened my horizons, and made me realize I can accomplish anything I put my mind to. After entering a foreign world, and becoming shrouded with uncertainty, I found that I could thrive. I even experienced an epiphany, realizing just how blessed I am when it comes to my intelligence and drive. What my parents had been saying all these years about my intellect really did mean something, and was characteristic of me.
I succeeded amazingly in high school, flourished as a college student, and just loved the thought of learning and gaining even more knowledge. This, paired with an experience of a lifetime, provided me with the assurance that I had been deeply longing for. Thoughts of failing were plain stupid, and I must listen to my grandfather’s advice and follow my dreams – dreams of becoming a brilliant lawyer.
The idea of a career in law has been a main contender for most of my adult life. Other options have been in and out as I go through school/life; nothing interesting me more. Honed with the abilities to succeed in any environment, I will use my grandfather’s advice to propel my innate/instinctive dream of being a prosperous lawyer furthering my knowledge and my success. ‘Never give up on yourself and follow your dreams’ are words to live by and die by and I plan to do just that, living and dying by my dream of being a lawyer.

LisaLaw
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2011 9:18 pm

Re: New PS draft

Postby LisaLaw » Tue Oct 18, 2011 10:23 pm

I like your writing style however I would focus less on writing about law school as your dream or destiny or chance and focus on concrete reasons why you would be a good choice. Maybe focus more on your study abroad or other specific interest. Also I would worry that rhetorical questions about self doubt would leave admissions committees with doubts about you.

Hope that helps. Also I would appreciate any feedback on my 2nd draft PS...




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