PS critique

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )

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Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2011 1:03 am

PS critique

Postby ahindoy » Mon Jul 18, 2011 9:58 pm

This is an early draft of my personal statement that I plan to send out in a few months. I wanted to focus on the difficulties of growing up poor in a very rich neighborhood and how it has affected me. Please let me know what you think. I was not aiming for why I want to pursue law, more that I am ready for the challenges of law school and will not shy away when things get tough. Thanks

Another round sandwich, I hated those round sandwiches. Opening my lunch bag at school always got me strange looks because my classmates had never seen sandwiches made out of pita bread. Once again I felt as if there was a spotlight shining down on me as I ate that sandwich, a spotlight that I did not enjoy. Growing up there was nothing worse to me than standing out in a crowd, from being different from the people around me. The worst part of it was that I stood out for many reasons. I come from a fairly affluent town; the majority of my friends come from upper middle class families with parents that have prominent careers as doctors and engineers. My family, on the other hand, is none of that. We are Middle Eastern; my parents both immigrated to this country years ago, and have struggled the entire time. My father owns a small, slowly failing butcher shop and my mother works as a nurse. It sometimes felt like those were the factors that determined who I was, that my self worth was somehow tied in to the net worth of my family.
A few years ago, however, I came to an understanding with my family’s situation, understood that growing up poor did not have to dictate the rest of my life. It taught me that I had to start taking care of my own future because it would not happen any other way. I started working in the beginning of my senior year of high school in order to raise money for college because I knew my parents could not help me out. I then spent the next two years at a community college since I could not afford a university right out of high school. Working close to full time while taking a full load of classes had its detriments, but more than that it taught me how to prioritize my time and stay focused on the task at hand. I did not have time to waste, did not have time to complain, and most of all I did not have time to feel sorry for myself.
I have had many tough days in my life, many days that crawling into a hole and never coming back out again seemed like the best option. That is not an option though because I am at a crossroad in my life; I can either maintain the status quo, or take the leap and play an active role in shaping my own future. The road has been difficult, and it does not seem like it will get any easier, but what I have learned about myself these last few years is that the foundation I have built for myself will not crumble, and I will always find a way to succeed even in the bleakest of times.


Posts: 74
Joined: Sun Jan 09, 2011 12:39 am

Re: PS critique

Postby sold123 » Mon Jul 18, 2011 11:34 pm

"A few years ago, however, I came to an understanding with my family’s situation, understood that growing up poor did not have to dictate the rest of my life."

Why? Answer that question with a specific response and you'll have a better ps. There is much to work on in your PS, but start with answering that question.

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