Rising 2L Scholarship Personal Statement...Advice Please! Forum

[jbarl1]

Hey everyone! So I am a rising 2L at a tier 2 (not hard to find which one if you look through my old posts haha) and I am in the top 6% of my class after the first year. I recently got an email about a few scholarships that are available to rising 2Ls at my school. To apply you need to submit a written statement that explains your professional ambition and the steps that you are taking to further that goal. Also, you need to include how receipt of the scholarship will help you achieve that goal (I really need help with this, it's why I don't have a conclusion on the essay, because I don't know how to say that money is really tight and a scholarship would be great to ease my mind without sounding kind of dumb). I started my statement but I could really use some feedback. This is a super rough draft that I just kind of threw together to get an idea of what I wanted to write. Thanks ahead of time for the feedback!


As I was nearing the end of my freshman year in college, I applied to be a Resident Assistant. The ability to help other students appealed to me and I thought that the position would help me build skills in areas like teamwork, organization and time management. I didn’t know when I applied that the job would be the single most influential thing that I experienced as an undergraduate student. When I started my undergraduate career I always hoped that law school would be in my future. I wasn’t sure what type of law I wanted to practice, but I felt that my academic talents would be well suited for studying law. However, when I became a Resident Assistant, I also discovered a love for student affairs.

Over the next three years I immersed myself in my position as a Resident Assistant. I dedicated my spare time to helping students adjust to college, excel in their classes and learn to overcome the obstacles that life presented to them. As I helped others, I also discovered myself. I became more outgoing and learned to work with small and large groups of people. I realized that I couldn’t do everything myself and found trust for those around me. I was honored when I was recognized officially multiple times by the Office of Residential Life and Campus Services at my undergraduate institution, but I was truly humbled every time a resident knocked on my door to tell me that I had helped them achieve something. Being a Resident Assistant allowed me to understand and recognize my true potential as a professional and as a student. The position was more than a job and truly became part of who I am.

As graduation approached in the spring of 2010, I was thrilled to be heading to law school at Penn State, but couldn’t help but feel as if I was discarding my love for student affairs and the college environment. As I did more and more research, I was amazed to discover all the opportunities that exist in the legal world for those who are passionate about higher education. It was then that I chose to dedicate myself to what is developing into my true passion: education law. While I have only just finished my first year of law school and the core classes that are associated with it, I am so excited about the future classes that I can take in order to open my eyes to the legal issues that face colleges and universities today. I’m confident that I have found the niche of law that is right for me and that I can continue to find success while exploring the opportunities and challenges that education law presents.

Receipt of this scholarship would truly be an honor. I worked very hard throughout my first year of law school and am so proud of the academic success that I have been able to find.

[sparty99]

Hey everyone! So I am a rising 2L at a tier 2 (not hard to find which one if you look through my old posts haha) and I am in the top 6% of my class after the first year. I recently got an email about a few scholarships that are available to rising 2Ls at my school. To apply you need to submit a written statement that explains your professional ambition and the steps that you are taking to further that goal. Also, you need to include how receipt of the scholarship will help you achieve that goal (I really need help with this, it's why I don't have a conclusion on the essay, because I don't know how to say that money is really tight and a scholarship would be great to ease my mind without sounding kind of dumb). I started my statement but I could really use some feedback. This is a super rough draft that I just kind of threw together to get an idea of what I wanted to write. Thanks ahead of time for the feedback!


As I was nearing the end of my freshman year in college, I applied to be a Resident Assistant. The ability to help other students appealed to me and I thought that the position would help me build skills in areas like teamwork, organization and time management. I didn’t know when I applied that the job would be the single most influential thing that I experienced as an undergraduate student. When I started my undergraduate career I always hoped that law school would be in my future. I wasn’t sure what type of law I wanted to practice, but I felt that my academic talents would be well suited for studying law. However, when I became a Resident Assistant, I also discovered a love for student affairs.

Over the next three years I immersed myself in my position as a Resident Assistant. I dedicated my spare time to helping students adjust to college, excel in their classes and learn to overcome the obstacles that life presented to them. As I helped others, I also discovered myself. I became more outgoing and learned to work with small and large groups of people. I realized that I couldn’t do everything myself and found trust for those around me. I was honored when I was recognized officially multiple times by the Office of Residential Life and Campus Services at my undergraduate institution, but I was truly humbled every time a resident knocked on my door to tell me that I had helped them achieve something. Being a Resident Assistant allowed me to understand and recognize my true potential as a professional and as a student. The position was more than a job and truly became part of who I am.

As graduation approached in the spring of 2010, I was thrilled to be heading to law school at Penn State, but couldn’t help but feel as if I was discarding my love for student affairs and the college environment. As I did more and more research, I was amazed to discover all the opportunities that exist in the legal world for those who are passionate about higher education. It was then that I chose to dedicate myself to what is developing into my true passion: education law. While I have only just finished my first year of law school and the core classes that are associated with it, I am so excited about the future classes that I can take in order to open my eyes to the legal issues that face colleges and universities today. I’m confident that I have found the niche of law that is right for me and that I can continue to find success while exploring the opportunities and challenges that education law presents.

Receipt of this scholarship would truly be an honor. I worked very hard throughout my first year of law school and am so proud of the academic success that I have been able to find.

The essay is too general and does not stand out. Be more specific, how did you help students? How were you selected to this program? Additionally, you are in law school. How has your classes determined that you want to go into educational law? How will you use this scholarship? Will you start your own school, like Oprah? What type of educational law? You can put your need for money: "As a first generation college student, I do not come from a wealthy family. I paid my way in college by working 40 hours a week as a resident assistant. Your scholarship donation will give me the ability to focus my time on my academics and my passion for helping others. blah, blah, blah"