cheers, mate

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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Mad_Twatter
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cheers, mate

Postby Mad_Twatter » Wed Mar 02, 2011 1:15 am

:)
Last edited by Mad_Twatter on Sun Mar 06, 2011 12:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

BlueDiamond
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Re: The last PS about evolution you will ever read...

Postby BlueDiamond » Wed Mar 02, 2011 1:18 am

let me guess.. youre applying to Ave Maria, Catholic, Notre Dame, Villanova, and Boston College?

no but I remember reading this the first time and my only problem was the fix the world mentality of the PS.. seems to me like thats fixed now with what I view as some more realistic goals

Ill also add that when you posted your last PS you basically said you didnt even wanna go to law school.. so why are you still editing a PS? and apply next cycle if you still go

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buckilaw
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Re: The last PS about evolution you will ever read...

Postby buckilaw » Wed Mar 02, 2011 1:33 am

I like it. Your message feels sincere without being over the top.

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Mad_Twatter
Posts: 31
Joined: Mon Sep 27, 2010 6:02 pm

cheers, mate

Postby Mad_Twatter » Wed Mar 02, 2011 1:37 am

:)
Last edited by Mad_Twatter on Sun Mar 06, 2011 12:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

sparty99
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Re: The last PS about evolution you will ever read...

Postby sparty99 » Wed Mar 02, 2011 4:32 am

I want to get a beer with you

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gothamm
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Re: The last PS about evolution you will ever read...

Postby gothamm » Thu Mar 03, 2011 10:28 pm

I really don't know how to feel about this one :?

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suspicious android
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Re: The last PS about evolution you will ever read...

Postby suspicious android » Fri Mar 04, 2011 1:21 am

because the evidence pointed to its validity. Evolution was not just Darwin’s hypothesis. It was a comprehensive scientific explanation


Consider a change to present tense, these things are all still true now. That occurs in a couple other places but jumped out at me in that paragraph. Overall pretty good, I think it could be tightened up a bit, especially the second paragraph, which I would cut down to one sentence and incorporate into either paragraph 1 or 3. In general, it makes you come off as thoughtful, passionate and considerate of conflicting viewpoints.

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Mad_Twatter
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cheers, mate

Postby Mad_Twatter » Fri Mar 04, 2011 1:34 am

:)
Last edited by Mad_Twatter on Sun Mar 06, 2011 12:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

kublaikahn
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Re: The last PS about evolution you will ever read...

Postby kublaikahn » Sat Mar 05, 2011 2:18 am

This is much better than V1. I notice that you have incorporated many of the prior tips given. A sure sign of a quick study. Good for you.


I think your PS starts well, although poorly written. You begin to build a theme about breaking from dogmatic traditions, peer pressure, group think, etc. But then you needlessly go into how strong the case for evolution is and, frankly, do not provide evidence that you know what you are talking about. I would keep the personal stuff about hiding your desire to understand science, but cut the bs about why evolution is "fact". Segue directly into how you do not want others to be denied the opportunity to follow knowledge wherever it may lead them.

My concern is this. If you are worried about making the case for evolution, you were wrong to leave the field of biology. If, however, you are concerned with making the free flow of knowledge available to everyone, than you maybe should be a lawyer. If the latter is the case, focus on that and drop the pro-darwin rap.

I see no conflict between science and religion.


Just an aside, most of your PS is in direct dispute of this statement.

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Mad_Twatter
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cheers, mate

Postby Mad_Twatter » Sat Mar 05, 2011 1:06 pm

:)
Last edited by Mad_Twatter on Sun Mar 06, 2011 12:52 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Tanicius
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Re: The last PS about evolution you will ever read...

Postby Tanicius » Sat Mar 05, 2011 1:28 pm

I think your PS starts well, although poorly written. You begin to build a theme about breaking from dogmatic traditions, peer pressure, group think, etc. But then you needlessly go into how strong the case for evolution is and, frankly, do not provide evidence that you know what you are talking about. I would keep the personal stuff about hiding your desire to understand science, but cut the bs about why evolution is "fact"


I think you would need to focus less on why you accept evolution and more on why it matters to you and how it's affected your life. Personal statements about going to Africa to help starving children don't focus on convincing the reader that helping starving children is a moral necessity. Get it?

kublaikahn
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Joined: Wed Feb 09, 2011 12:47 am

Re: The last PS about evolution you will ever read...

Postby kublaikahn » Sat Mar 05, 2011 9:34 pm

Tanicius wrote:
I think your PS starts well, although poorly written. You begin to build a theme about breaking from dogmatic traditions, peer pressure, group think, etc. But then you needlessly go into how strong the case for evolution is and, frankly, do not provide evidence that you know what you are talking about. I would keep the personal stuff about hiding your desire to understand science, but cut the bs about why evolution is "fact"


I think you would need to focus less on why you accept evolution and more on why it matters to you and how it's affected your life. Personal statements about going to Africa to help starving children don't focus on convincing the reader that helping starving children is a moral necessity. Get it?


+1. Thanks for making my point for me. :D

CanadianWolf
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Re: The last PS about evolution you will ever read...

Postby CanadianWolf » Sat Mar 05, 2011 9:50 pm

The primary concern with your personal statement is the lack of substance; your essay contains three or four paragraphs of lightweight observations stretched into seven somewhat repetitive paragraphs. The danger is in presenting yourself as a mile wide and an inch deep. Typically, a writing of this type would recognize the strengths & valid points of the opposite view before concluding that one side is correct while the other viewpoint is just for someone else. In short, your personal statement suggests that you may not be ready intellectually for law school. My overall impression is that you are quite similiar to your high school teacher that skipped over the chapter on evolution--except that you would skip over the chapters involving faith & religion.

kublaikahn
Posts: 647
Joined: Wed Feb 09, 2011 12:47 am

Re: The last PS about evolution you will ever read...

Postby kublaikahn » Sat Mar 05, 2011 10:56 pm

CanadianWolf wrote:The primary concern with your personal statement is the lack of substance; your essay contains three or four paragraphs of lightweight observations stretched into seven somewhat repetitive paragraphs. The danger is in presenting yourself as a mile wide and an inch deep. Typically, a writing of this type would recognize the strengths & valid points of the opposite view before concluding that one side is correct while the other viewpoint is just for someone else. In short, your personal statement suggests that you may not be ready intellectually for law school. My overall impression is that you are quite similiar to your high school teacher that skipped over the chapter on evolution--except that you would skip over the chapters involving faith & religion.


+1 You're so money.

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Mad_Twatter
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Re: The last PS about evolution you will ever read...

Postby Mad_Twatter » Mon Mar 07, 2011 1:08 pm

:)




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