Please critique my PS!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
zahunter
Posts: 28
Joined: Sat Nov 13, 2010 10:44 pm

Please critique my PS!

Postby zahunter » Wed Nov 24, 2010 6:59 pm

Deleted. Thanks
Last edited by zahunter on Sun Dec 05, 2010 3:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

zahunter
Posts: 28
Joined: Sat Nov 13, 2010 10:44 pm

Re: Please critique my PS!

Postby zahunter » Wed Nov 24, 2010 9:14 pm

any comment would be appreciated at this point. thanks.

jasonc.
Posts: 119
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2010 1:22 am

Re: Please critique my PS!

Postby jasonc. » Thu Nov 25, 2010 12:54 am

I assume this is a rough draft because its no where near finish. You have very interesting story it just a bit choppy. I sure you can weave the story together to turn out an amazing ps.

zahunter
Posts: 28
Joined: Sat Nov 13, 2010 10:44 pm

Re: Please critique my PS!

Postby zahunter » Thu Nov 25, 2010 1:06 am

yes, it is the first rough draft. thanks for the comment.

Nailjohnj
Posts: 117
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 10:40 am

Re: Please critique my PS!

Postby Nailjohnj » Thu Nov 25, 2010 1:16 am

The story itself is great. You do a nice job of bringing it back to law school at the end and talk about overcoming adversity. It just comes back to weaving it all together like the above poster said and smoothing out the transitions. If you are able to accomplish that, it will be an awesome PS

zahunter
Posts: 28
Joined: Sat Nov 13, 2010 10:44 pm

Re: Please critique my PS!

Postby zahunter » Thu Nov 25, 2010 1:54 am

thanks. that helps alot

ShakinNotStirred
Posts: 11
Joined: Wed Nov 03, 2010 6:47 am

Re: Please critique my PS!

Postby ShakinNotStirred » Thu Nov 25, 2010 2:24 am

I think the paragraphs on your enlisted & OCS time are good. I would shorten the introductory section on your family history; I think you could probably write a few sentences about how independence is your defining trait based on the environment you grew up in and still convey the same message/set a framework for the rest of your statement. I know that there is (usually) no requirement that a PS specifically address why you want to study law, but I think there is an expectation that those of us who have significant work experience at least touch on the topic. It isn't as if you are coming straight from undergrad, you've had an opportunity to travel/work in different fields/etc. so I would include something about what specifically led to your decision to switch careers.




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