Swaping PS

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )

Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Oct 07, 2010 9:36 pm

Swaping PS

Postby username10 » Thu Oct 07, 2010 9:40 pm

Would anyone like to take a look at my PS? I am welling to swap as well. :roll:

Here it is if anyone has any ideas. This is the third draft. Any ideas...

Accountability is the state of being held liable or responsible for someone or some action. I heard this word at an early age, but it would be a while before I knew exactly what this word truly meant and why it would haveold so much power in my lifeand direction as to what I wanted to do with my life.
In July of 1986 my uncle was sentenced to death row in Lumberton, North Carolina for the murder of three people. Since I was so young, I had no idea what capital murder or 1st degree murder was, but this is what I heard my family call his crime.would here my family call his crime. I was very fond of my uncle and loved him dearly. He would eventually start writing me once I was older and able to understand why he was there and why he wasn't coming back.
I remember asking my dad how could we save his life and my father sat me down and said to me, "No honey, Uncle Sammy has to be held accountable for what he did." This is when I took it upon myself to look this word up in the dictionary and ask my father to supplement what was there. I needed to know on so many levels why this one word was keeping my beloved uncle captive and eventually why this one word would take his life. He would eventually start writing me once I was older and able to understand why he was there and why he wasn't coming back.
As I grew older and more diverse with my readings and rationalizations, I realized that that noun did not entangle and kill my uncle,; that he had done this to did to himself. That his self. That noun was only a canoe that took him to the shore of devastation. He had a choice to keep paddling to see what the sea had to offer, but he gave up and docked [sm1] .
It was through these tragic yet healing circumstances that I learned what accountability was. No longer is it a word of hurt or danger but one of respect. It is not the same noun that I heard all those years ago. It has strength and it has options. It has all and ?I knew then that I wanted to be held accountable but for different reasons. I have taken these memories throughout my life. I have remained conscience of my decisions . I want to be held accountable for being the voice of the people. I need to be held responsible for the safety of the people of this great country and I was going to be the force in which it will all be done. [sm2] I travelled many avenues to arrive at applying to this institution that will one day be held accountable for me being able to serve justice and become a superb officer of the law.
While pursuing my Bachelors at Fort Valley State University, I ventured into my first foray, the Veterinary Science program. I had the opportunity to participate in an internship program that took me beyond the classroom experience and into the work force. The internship was in a small animal clinic in a rural setting which gave me the opportunity to work with little to no advanced technological equipment. During this internship, my best friend and future guiding noun; accountability showed up. Just because I did not have the best tools to work with didn't mean that I should not be producing quality work.
I was held liable for the actions and results of my given tasks and the lack of advanced equipment taught me to use my reasoning and analytical skills, going far beyond the knowledge I had gained in classroom. A short time later, I was presented with the chance to gain further practice in Veterinary Science at the University of Georgia's College of Veterinary Medicine. In contrast to my internship at the small animal clinic, this experience gave me the opportunity to work with more advance and high powered equipment and I was always responsible for a job well done. At the heart of both opportunities they were very rewarding and wonderful experiences.
In Continuing to look for ways to open myself up to new adventures that would led me to public service, I set my itinerary for Rio de Janeiro. I was humbled by my time at the Poco das Antas Reserve, where I worked with Capchucin monkeys. The tranquility of the atmosphere allowed me to clear my mind and be opinion-free for a world wind of a trip. As a foreigner in Brazil, I came with so many preconceived notions and left with a sense of jubilation. I was amazed; there was a great responsibility that members had to their community and society at large. There was certainly a sense that every action has a separate but equally important reaction. I arrived back in the States with a renewed take on life and opened to all the possibilities of a new adventure.
As I continued to look for opportunities to go beyond the known, including Political Science in my academic portfolio was an easy decision; it allowed me to gain further knowledge about the history of politics and importance of policy. This transition afforded me the opportunity to participate in research that examined coordination of Federal, State and Local governments. In doing so I have had the opportunity to meet and talk to people who work in the public sector and they encouraged me to pursue my goals in serving the public. These very different but useful curricula have helped me balance scientific and humanistic knowledge that I have gained so far as well as improved my reasoning and analytical skills.
As a prospective graduate, I know that I have a true commitment to public service because of the calling on my life to keep my uncle’s memory alive by sharing his experience. Although my uncle died before his scheduled execution, he died waiting to die and that is not a good way to live and if one person could be saved by this story then it was all worth the travelling I did to get to this point and if one person could save someone else with this story, then everything has worked together for a greater good. Like so many others, I would like the opportunity to improve society. I would like to keep my uncle’s memory alive as an example of how life's choices affect those around you. My passion for public service has served to legitimize my interest in working in a prosecutor's capacity, but I am also open to any area of law where I can make a difference [sm5] . I will continue to draw on my experiences as I endeavor to further my education. I know with great certainty that your institution will lay the path for me to do so. I am so thrilled at this opportunity.
I am excited about the prospect of pursuing a legal education at Atlanta’s John Marshall Law School [sm6] because it will afford me the opportunity to grow intellectually and professionally. I have noted the make-up of your student body, and I feel that I can add to the diversity at your institution while taking the opportunity to learn from others and have others learn from me. Having also researched the legal curriculum at other legal institutions, I feel that yours is an institution where I can get a quality education that will allow me to honor my uncle’s memory by exploring the question of responsibility in its total capacity in regards to all aspects of law. I would love for your school to be held accountable for me making lives better one course at a time.


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Joined: Wed Sep 08, 2010 11:07 pm

Re: Swaping PS

Postby ht2988 » Thu Oct 07, 2010 10:39 pm

This has a lot of grammatical issues. You should have a professor at your school glance this over - it's very difficult to even begin to address the content (which has the potential to be captivating) before you fix the grammar problems.

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