PS 2nd attempt

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )

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PS 2nd attempt

Postby Lady_In_Red » Thu Aug 12, 2010 11:30 pm

Last edited by Lady_In_Red on Tue Jan 04, 2011 11:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Tenth Usher

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Joined: Sat Jul 17, 2010 12:39 pm

Re: PS 2nd attempt

Postby Tenth Usher » Thu Aug 12, 2010 11:48 pm

I mean this to be constructive, but it strikes me as rambling and somewhat boring.

Just my take, but many people had awkward HS experiences, so that's not very interesting. It's certainly not real adversity. The part about the financial office work experience didn't really go anywhere.

My main advice would be find a central, compelling story to tell that conveys the information you want the readers to know about you.
Last edited by Tenth Usher on Fri Aug 13, 2010 12:00 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: PS 2nd attempt

Postby ShuckingNotJiving » Thu Aug 12, 2010 11:56 pm

Some PS'ers on here sure are quick on the turn-around....How do you do it?

Lady_In_Red wrote:During this search, I was recruited to apply for Teach for America. I had never considered teaching, but the more I learned about the program, the more I saw how educational equity was pivotal. In a society where education is the main legitimate source of social mobility, education becomes the means through which to level the economic playing field, thereby reducing the incidence of injustice. Inspired to make a difference by providing quality teaching in underperforming schools and aware of challenges that accompanied doing so, I applied for the program. I was ultimately rejected. This risk did not bring the success I had hoped, but it was still crucial to my development because it provided me with the strategy I needed. I may not be skilled to teach, but there many other ways I can promote educational equity and social justice.

Take this paragraph out. Telling a story about being rejected from a program,unless followed by reflection of lessons learned (which this essay does not have), will not work in your favor. I'm not understanding why you seem to think being rejected from TFA means you "aren't skilled to teach." You do know there are other avenues to pursue teaching other than TFA--right? Also, your revelation of TFA rejection conveys the idea that law school was your back-up plan of sorts. Not good...

You say you care about social injustice, but nothing in your essay supports this. Draw from some experiences that support this when you write your essay again. There's your theme. Your crusade to cure society of injustice. Make a circle in the center of the page. Write "social justice" in the circle. Write bubbles surrounding the circle of things you've done that relate to social justice. Go nuts. Then, pick a couple of them and write a new PS.


Get a couple years of work-experience then apply to law school.

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