Thinking about Submitting this please help w/ any last ideas

[Gonzod23]

-For Texas Tech App.
-They want a 600 word PS and a separate 600 word Statement of Purpose

Personal Statement

My sister said, “Go David hurry! Do something before it gets worse!” I quickly jolted from my sleep, jumped out of bed, put on my shoes, and went running out the door. That night, my goal was to call the police to help save my mother from being beaten and killed from my abusive, alcoholic father. I ran three blocks down the street, making it to the convenient store to call the police. After night’s end, my goal was accomplished. The police took him away, and my mother finally decided, after having a gun pointed at her in front of her children, that she had had enough; she finally left him for good. I was only ten years old. From then on my life completely changed. I realized that in order for me to achieve any goal in life, I would have to deal with obstacles that would be extremely tough and challenging. All I had to do, though, was keep running with the purpose to achieve goals. Fifteen years later, I run relentlessly.

Raised by a single mother with three older brothers and one younger sister, I found it very hard to grow up in a world full of difficulties, especially after seeing each of my older brothers drop out of high school. Learning from their mistakes, I wanted to be different. I wanted to be a positive role model not only for my younger sister, but also for my entire family. Filled with self-determination and fighting all odds, I did it. I was the first in my family to graduate from high school. As tough of a challenge as this was, I believed I had the potential to do so much more. That is why my next run was toward the United States Marine Corps.

As a seventeen year old, entering the United Sates Marine Corps was no easy feat. I was away from my home, family, and mother and still helped provide and care for them as much as possible. I remember sending my mother money every month to help pay her bills. If my sister needed anything for school, I would be the first person to help her any way I could. I even helped my older brothers from time to time. I remember helping them solve personal problems alike, listening to them during hard spells, and constantly motivating them to better their lives. Most importantly, I helped myself by joining the Marine Corps because it gave me my best chance towards a brighter future.

Now, as I prepare to be the first college graduate in my family, I continue to strive for this better future. Not just for myself and my family but for every other young girl/boy who grew up in a broken home with very little hope of succeeding in life. I want to show them everyone is capable of running towards, and achieving their goals.