Feedback on PS???

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )

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Feedback on PS???

Postby nguyenr22 » Sat Feb 13, 2010 6:44 pm

“Four score and seven years ago,” as I was stumbling into Hoag chemical dependency center, frightened, I uttered these words to Nurse Greg, "Are you guys going to kick my butt in here?" "No, you kick your own butt in here!" he yelled. Little did I know then, that it was the day (July 7th, 2006) that I stopped kicking my own butt and began patting myself on the back? It was that day that I caught my first glimpse of a peak of the rainbow--a new life brought about not just ordinary rain. This rain quenched my decade-drought of drug addiction. The proverb, “everything happens for a reason,” began to ring true. My drug addiction led me to snacking and napping at places beyond my imagination. It bonded me to individuals marginalized by society who shared similar dreams and fears as any average Joe. It showed me that food and safety are not guaranteed. Most ironically, however, it guided me to a career ambition. I learned that drug addicts and alcoholics deserve rehabilitation and not incarceration. We just strayed down a wrong road and needed to stop and ask for directions. “Why not,” we asked, “help us out with a small map?” I enjoy making a difference in people’s lives. I hope to be their “tour guide.” A guide should not just be knowledgeable but also compassionate in serving the public. I have developed a strong foundation of both these qualities, yet there is always room for improvement.
I live my life abiding by two principles. One, most of my actions affect at least a friend and a stranger, thus I must constantly be proofreading my rhetoric. Two, with privileges come responsibilities; responsibilities require dedication; it follows, then, that dedication affords privileges.
My father once said, “Con hoc thi bo cho con.” That statement means my education benefits me. Sure. But my education not only benefits me, but it also benefits others. If I am educated, then in turn I can share my knowledge with others. Share is my favorite word of the English language. Mayor Foster of Long Beach, CA relayed, “Community members are not interconnected just geographically, but also psychologically and mentally.” For most of my life, for example, I struggled with obesity. Too many lonely Friday nights lured me in joining a local gym. I began learning proper dietary and effective exercising regimens. Seeing I sweated away 60lbs inspired Frank, a friend of mine, to mirror my practices. I shared with him that starving oneself and being a gym rat are not the bases of true nutrition. It is smarter to exercise in intervals and knowing that, on average, it is a 2000 calories deficit per pound of weight. Frank is now my workout partner thrice weekly.

My fitness education affected a friend. It also benefitted at least a stranger. Since my clothing size went from 2XL to a Medium, I donated my unused jackets to the homeless individuals on Fourth Street in Santa Ana. When it’s cold and it rains my heart goes out to them. I am humble that I helped six strangers stay warmer this cold winter. Mother Teresa urged, “If you can’t feed a hundred people, then feed just one.”

The reason I want to go to law school is that I want to continue to make a difference in people’s lives. A couple years ago a UC Berkeley admission officer shared a Noblesse oblige that I today hold dear to my head and heart, “With privileges come responsibilities.” I am privileged. How dare can I claim otherwise after chatting with Joe, a middle age heroin-addicted Marine veteran. He told me that he felt worthless to society and drugs help him to escape momentarily. I shared with Joe that I too felt worthless when having failed to quit umpteenth of times and that I was privileged to know someone who showed me how to stay off drugs. Thus it was my responsibility to pave for Joe a similar path. One can’t shake years of addiction over nights, however. Nothing in life comes easy. I continued to take Joe to self-help meetings everyday for the first thirty days. We were dedicated to our sobriety, and it afforded us the privilege of a changed life.

So how do these experiences prepare me for law school? The what is knowing that I was down but did not and will not go out. The why is the heart and gut to be of service leads me to disregard the critics and stay focused on a path I know to be right. The who are those who have guided me with criticisms and encouragements. The how is the discipline I toil for daily because I am what I repeatedly do. And the when? The when is now!

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Re: Feedback on PS???

Postby JordynAsh » Sat Feb 13, 2010 6:59 pm

This is a complete mess.

Last edited by JordynAsh on Sat Feb 13, 2010 7:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Feedback on PS???

Postby booboo » Sat Feb 13, 2010 7:00 pm

I messaged you a PM about your PS.

They are general comments on the structure/ideas of the PS and not grammar/syntax based.

Good luck!


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Re: Feedback on PS???

Postby spearnreel » Sat Feb 13, 2010 7:07 pm

Thanks for coming out with this. I am also a recovering addict and because of the disease I lost it all. I am on the same path as you regarding admission but I have a lengthy legal record that may hurt me from ever practicing law? I'm thinking the legal world could use more people like you and I. I wish you luck.

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Re: Feedback on PS???

Postby UF Gators » Sun Feb 14, 2010 1:58 am

I agree, this is a complete mess. Way too many useless quotes and it was hard to read in general. This ps has no theme or cohesion and we know nothing about you. You need to pick a specific topic and then develop your story from there.

washed out

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Re: Feedback on PS???

Postby washed out » Sun Feb 14, 2010 11:03 am

I'm not sure why you needed to start a new thread. Did you read my post?

Again, you need to inform the admissions committee of wherever you are applying that you are mentally ready to handle law school, not just that you have a desire. You do that by proving to them you have a successful academic record, not ignoring it in your personal statement.

Where are you applying?

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