Top Law Schools

Hi all,

Personal question for anyone willing to share. On a biglaw salary, how much did you spend on your SO engagement ring? Aside from the obvious financial impact, I was curious what the norm in a biglaw office is (if it’s even ever spoken about). I wouldn’t want to appear cheap, but I also wouldn’t want to appear foolish for spending too much.

Thanks in advance!

IMO, the "two months salary" rule doesn't make sense generally, but especially not in the biglaw associate context where it would mean that a second or third year should spend $30-40K on a ring. If you're a debt-free/financially stable associate, $10-15K seems right to me, but I have no idea if that's above/below average for biglaw associates.

Interested in others' views.

I was married before biglaw but I don’t see why there would be a standard for this. Is there some WAGS of biglaw group that compares rock sizes?

I think the neighborhood of 7k-15k is pretty normal from what I've seen.

I spent just about $16k when I was a second year and that was fine. Wife loves her ring and constantly gets compliments on it. I did have a partner joke that he knew he was paying us too much when he saw her ring, but it was clearly a joke and a compliment on the ring itself. Did my research and know I got a good deal on it which helped too.

Any female associates willing to share their perspective/experience here? My girlfriend has told me about female partners judging female associates on their choice of shoes/bags, what about rings?

I think a good rule of thumb should be that the ring is at least 2x your best watch at the time you purchase the ring. So if that's $7-$10k (your typical starter JLC, mid-end IWC, Rolex from an AD (lol...)), that puts you around ~$15k for the ring.

Anonymous User wrote: ↑

Mon Jan 03, 2022 6:34 pm

Any female associates willing to share their perspective/experience here? My girlfriend has told me about female partners judging female associates on their choice of shoes/bags, what about rings?

Yup. Definite judgment of engagement rings.

Anonymous User wrote: ↑

Mon Jan 03, 2022 7:00 pm

I think a good rule of thumb should be that the ring is at least 2x your best watch at the time you purchase the ring. So if that's $7-$10k (your typical starter JLC, mid-end IWC, Rolex from an AD (lol...)), that puts you around ~$15k for the ring.

I like this rule, as you should be spending more on the ring than on fancy stuff for yourself. Not sure how it would translate to other types of luxury items for non-watch guys, though. For example, if you just bought a $100K Model S for yourself, not sure you need to spend that amount on a ring, but $10K (1/10th of the price) on a ring seems a little comparatively low.

Anonymous User wrote: ↑

Mon Jan 03, 2022 8:26 pm

Anonymous User wrote: ↑

Mon Jan 03, 2022 6:34 pm

Any female associates willing to share their perspective/experience here? My girlfriend has told me about female partners judging female associates on their choice of shoes/bags, what about rings?

Yup. Definite judgment of engagement rings.

So how much do I need to spend to ensure my future fiance doesn't get bullied?

Anonymous User wrote: ↑

Mon Jan 03, 2022 8:56 pm

Anonymous User wrote: ↑

Mon Jan 03, 2022 8:26 pm

Anonymous User wrote: ↑

Mon Jan 03, 2022 6:34 pm

Any female associates willing to share their perspective/experience here? My girlfriend has told me about female partners judging female associates on their choice of shoes/bags, what about rings?

Yup. Definite judgment of engagement rings.

So how much do I need to spend to ensure my future fiance doesn't get bullied?

1.5 + carats of high quality diamond.
2 would be ideal, but you can get away with less if she’s very petite.

Anonymous User wrote: ↑

Mon Jan 03, 2022 9:19 pm

Anonymous User wrote: ↑

Mon Jan 03, 2022 8:56 pm

Anonymous User wrote: ↑

Mon Jan 03, 2022 8:26 pm

Anonymous User wrote: ↑

Mon Jan 03, 2022 6:34 pm

Any female associates willing to share their perspective/experience here? My girlfriend has told me about female partners judging female associates on their choice of shoes/bags, what about rings?

Yup. Definite judgment of engagement rings.

So how much do I need to spend to ensure my future fiance doesn't get bullied?

1.5 + carats of high quality diamond.
2 would be ideal, but you can get away with less if she’s very petite.

Also nontraditional cuts like emerald, princess have more surface area to carat ratio. Side diamonds are relatively inexpensive and can help make for an impressive overall big rock look. But check with her what she prefers first as far as cut and setting goes.

I paid around $8,500 as a summer associate. That bought a high quality 1.7ish carat diamond and the setting.

Anonymous User wrote: ↑

Mon Jan 03, 2022 7:00 pm

I think a good rule of thumb should be that the ring is at least 2x your best watch at the time you purchase the ring. So if that's $7-$10k (your typical starter JLC, mid-end IWC, Rolex from an AD (lol...)), that puts you around ~$15k for the ring.

My wallet and I like this rule. My best watch is worth about $200

Female associate chiming in here. I would just get your gf/future fiance anything she wants, within reason. If her favorite rings are 20k, spend the extra money and make her happy. If her favorite rings are 5k, then a 5k ring is great, too. She'll be the one wearing this ring the rest of her life; you want her to be happy with it and proud to show it off. If that means spending a little extra money, just spend the money.

I just spent $4.5K so I guess I’m in the minority here. But my SO is in a much lower paying career and couldn’t wear a super nice ring to work. I am a little insecure about it but think she would prefer that the extra money goes to other things like house/wedding.

Whatever you do, go lab-grown. It's 1/3rd of the price of a mined diamond of equivalent quality. They are literally the same exact thing molecularly, no way anybody could ever tell the difference without looking at the serial number or whatever they do to identify diamonds. Added bonus of it being more environmentally friendly (I think, not sure how much energy it takes to make these puppies) and ethical.

You'll learn what all this means when you get to the jeweler, but I spent a little under $10k all-in for a lab grown diamond of 1.17 carats (a little on the small side but my fiancé would've hated anything bigger because that's not her style + she has the world's skinniest fingers), VVS1, D color, ideal cut with a platinum setting. Would've been $25k-$30k if I had gone mined.

I am a second year and just dropped $40k on an engagement ring. The ring is awesome.

4-6 months salary.

Anonymous User wrote: ↑

Fri Jan 07, 2022 3:12 pm

I am a second year and just dropped $40k on an engagement ring. The ring is awesome.

I'm a senior associate so I'll probably have to spend at least $20-30k, but I'm reluctant to go much above that because it seems silly financially but also because at a certain point I worry it makes her a target for theft.

I spend $11k at the end of my first year when we still make $190k.

unlicensedpotato wrote: ↑

Fri Jan 07, 2022 4:22 pm

Anonymous User wrote: ↑

Fri Jan 07, 2022 3:12 pm

I am a second year and just dropped $40k on an engagement ring. The ring is awesome.

I'm a senior associate so I'll probably have to spend at least $20-30k, but I'm reluctant to go much above that because it seems silly financially but also because at a certain point I worry it makes her a target for theft.

I think something in the $20-30k range is perfect really. You will get her a super nice ring that she will love.

The only reason why I went up to the $30-40k range was because I was after a very specific cut that required high specs. I am also older than the typical second year who went straight through.

Good luck!

I was a first year and I spent around $15k. My now wife loved the ring. Just remember you are really buying it to make one person happy and the rest doesn't really matter.

Feel like someone needs to put some downward pressure on these numbers.
We were a dual biglaw couple when we got engaged. She's still biglaw, while I've moved in-house.
I think I spent $150 on a ring that held special meaning to us. She hasn't been bullied out of the firm, though no guarantees the partners don't spend all of their meetings discussing her jewelry.
It might be easier to get away with this when both SOs have the same work/life balance.

I am a female associate and yes, certain people (but not everyone) will judge you a little if you come off cheap, but it’s more to do with how much you spend on yourself. Like if you show up to work in bespoke suiting, live in the trendiest neighborhood, and go on about your expensive hobbies all the time, and then spend like $5K on a ring for your wife even though we all know how much you make, that looks a little cheap. But if you are generally not a flashy person (and neither is your wife), then I don’t think people think anything of it. No one knows anyone’s school loan situation. The judgey comments I have heard people make when it comes to thinking someone is cheap are all more to do with if you look selfish with your money.