Biglaw Engagement Ring Forum

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LBJ's Hair

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Re: Biglaw Engagement Ring

Post by LBJ's Hair » Mon Jan 10, 2022 2:41 pm

Anonymous User wrote:
Sun Jan 09, 2022 9:06 pm
Feel like someone needs to put some downward pressure on these numbers.
We were a dual biglaw couple when we got engaged. She's still biglaw, while I've moved in-house.
I think I spent $150 on a ring that held special meaning to us. She hasn't been bullied out of the firm, though no guarantees the partners don't spend all of their meetings discussing her jewelry.
It might be easier to get away with this when both SOs have the same work/life balance.
this only works if it's coming from the s/o. you don't suggest it, you *definitely* don't surprise her w/ it

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Re: Biglaw Engagement Ring

Post by Anonymous User » Mon Jan 10, 2022 6:32 pm

We can all acknowledge that it’s a little bit ridiculous but still play the game.

Buying an expensive engagement ring for your fiancé is about:

(a) demonstrating to your fiancée your so committed to her you’re willing to drop a significant amount of cash on her;

(b) giving her a pretty object that looks good when she wears it;

(c) demonstrating to your respective peers that you have a boat load of cash; and

(d) giving your fiancée the opportunity to show off to her friends that she has a wealthy fiancé that loves her.

Probably more too. But don’t overlook (d) - if you cheap out on the ring, whether or not your fiancée verbalizes it or not, I guarantee she feels the difference when her friends are all rocking 2 carats and she has a 0.5 carat sapphire. We’re human, we can’t help it.

Give her the opportunity to flex a bit, enjoy it, get a big stone.

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Re: Biglaw Engagement Ring

Post by Anonymous User » Mon Jan 10, 2022 7:09 pm

Unless she is one of those women who actively dislike big diamonds. We do exist.

(Signed, someone who picked out her own sapphire engagement ring.)

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Re: Biglaw Engagement Ring

Post by Anonymous User » Mon Jan 10, 2022 8:01 pm

Anonymous User wrote:
Mon Jan 10, 2022 7:09 pm
Unless she is one of those women who actively dislike big diamonds. We do exist.

(Signed, someone who picked out her own sapphire engagement ring.)
According to my extensive research* a gem quality sapphire goes for 2000-10k per carat. Less than equivalent diamond, but not a buck fifty.

* a quick google

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Re: Biglaw Engagement Ring

Post by Anonymous User » Mon Jan 10, 2022 8:33 pm

LBJ's Hair wrote:
Mon Jan 10, 2022 2:41 pm
Anonymous User wrote:
Sun Jan 09, 2022 9:06 pm
Feel like someone needs to put some downward pressure on these numbers.
We were a dual biglaw couple when we got engaged. She's still biglaw, while I've moved in-house.
I think I spent $150 on a ring that held special meaning to us. She hasn't been bullied out of the firm, though no guarantees the partners don't spend all of their meetings discussing her jewelry.
It might be easier to get away with this when both SOs have the same work/life balance.
this only works if it's coming from the s/o. you don't suggest it, you *definitely* don't surprise her w/ it
Above anon.
Fair point. We were very aligned on our financial goals and she knew the type of ring that I was shopping for. We probably spent a lot less on our wedding than most biglaw folks, so it's a theme for us.
More just wanted to highlight that it's possible to avoid the numbers being discussed if you're on the same page.

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Re: Biglaw Engagement Ring

Post by Anonymous User » Tue Jan 11, 2022 11:36 am

My ring was a ring that belonged to my grandmother so was free. I have no idea what it's worth, but probably not very much, but it's an interesting 1950s style ring that I like a lot. I personally think solitaire diamonds are boring and expensive jewelry in general is a waste of money, so to each their own. I have also never once noticed a friend's or colleague's ring without them explicitly showing it to me unless it was something unusual that caught my eye. All this to say, if your girlfriend is into flashy expensive stuff, then get her whatever flashy expensive ring you think you can afford. But I would definitely talk to her first about what she thinks is a reasonable amount to spend to make sure you guys are on the same page with financial priorities. If my husband ever bought me a piece of jewelry that cost more than $500, especially without checking in first, I would be a little annoyed.

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Re: Biglaw Engagement Ring

Post by Anonymous User » Tue Jan 11, 2022 12:41 pm

Anonymous User wrote:
Tue Jan 11, 2022 11:36 am
My ring was a ring that belonged to my grandmother so was free. I have no idea what it's worth, but probably not very much, but it's an interesting 1950s style ring that I like a lot. I personally think solitaire diamonds are boring and expensive jewelry in general is a waste of money, so to each their own. I have also never once noticed a friend's or colleague's ring without them explicitly showing it to me unless it was something unusual that caught my eye. All this to say, if your girlfriend is into flashy expensive stuff, then get her whatever flashy expensive ring you think you can afford. But I would definitely talk to her first about what she thinks is a reasonable amount to spend to make sure you guys are on the same page with financial priorities. If my husband ever bought me a piece of jewelry that cost more than $500, especially without checking in first, I would be a little annoyed.

Do you tell people it was your grandmother's ring, or does it usually not come up? Debating a similar situation.

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Re: Biglaw Engagement Ring

Post by Anonymous User » Tue Jan 11, 2022 1:35 pm

The ring should match the recipient.

Also, just because a diamond is expensive does not mean it is flashy.

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Re: Biglaw Engagement Ring

Post by Anonymous User » Tue Jan 11, 2022 1:43 pm

Anonymous User wrote:
Tue Jan 11, 2022 11:36 am
If my husband ever bought me a piece of jewelry that cost more than $500, especially without checking in first, I would be a little annoyed.
They’re not your husband when they propose to you though, and your finances typically aren’t combined at that point (although obviously if they are, and you’re effectively spending your partner’s money, then yeah you should definitely double check on that purchase).

To be clear though, we’re all talking about biglaw engagement rings. Not to be obnoxious, but $10k, which will get you a fantastic diamond, is really not very much money for people who will earn $450k in their first 2 years of their job.

Unless that family stone is REALLY compelling, I’d take the leap and buy something that’s going to blow her away.

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Re: Biglaw Engagement Ring

Post by Anonymous User » Tue Jan 11, 2022 1:52 pm

Honestly after shopping for months I did not see any amazing diamonds for $10k. In my search, it was around the $20k mark when the diamonds started getting good, and the $30k mark where the diamonds are really good.

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Re: Biglaw Engagement Ring

Post by Ultramar vistas » Tue Jan 11, 2022 2:08 pm

Anonymous User wrote:
Tue Jan 11, 2022 1:52 pm
Honestly after shopping for months I did not see any amazing diamonds for $10k. In my search, it was around the $20k mark when the diamonds started getting good, and the $30k mark where the diamonds are really good.
I mean everyone will have different standards but if your future wife is not hung up on the “real” vs “lab” diamond debate (i.e., does she understand it that there is no difference and this isn’t like… moissanite), and you aren’t obsessed with having a diamond that looks perfect under all levels of magnification, then 10k will get you a 2 carat diamond that’s flawless, colorless and brilliant to the naked eye. That’s what I did, and it’s been a huge success. The reactions from other people are always really enjoyable, even if I know I’m being silly for getting such a kick out of it. People always assume it’s like 2x more expensive than it was.

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Re: Biglaw Engagement Ring

Post by Anonymous User » Tue Jan 11, 2022 4:04 pm

Anonymous User wrote:
Tue Jan 11, 2022 12:41 pm
Anonymous User wrote:
Tue Jan 11, 2022 11:36 am
My ring was a ring that belonged to my grandmother so was free. I have no idea what it's worth, but probably not very much, but it's an interesting 1950s style ring that I like a lot. I personally think solitaire diamonds are boring and expensive jewelry in general is a waste of money, so to each their own. I have also never once noticed a friend's or colleague's ring without them explicitly showing it to me unless it was something unusual that caught my eye. All this to say, if your girlfriend is into flashy expensive stuff, then get her whatever flashy expensive ring you think you can afford. But I would definitely talk to her first about what she thinks is a reasonable amount to spend to make sure you guys are on the same page with financial priorities. If my husband ever bought me a piece of jewelry that cost more than $500, especially without checking in first, I would be a little annoyed.

Do you tell people it was your grandmother's ring, or does it usually not come up? Debating a similar situation.
I find that people don't talk about rings much, but sometimes people who are into fashion history will ask about it. I also could have chosen my great-grandmother's ring, but that one was Art Deco and a little too much for my tastes for everyday wear. I don't really bring up that it's a family ring much, but more because it is just not a common topic of conversation. When I do, though, I suppose some people think it's interesting that it is a family ring and some people probably feel a little sorry for me that I don't have a big honkin' diamond. I personally like that it is a connection to my grandmother -- it makes it feel more meaningful than just something my husband picked out at a store. I totally get that everyone has their own values, but the $$ has nothing to do with what fraction of a person's salary the ring is. I mean, even if my spouse and I were making $5mil a year I would not want jewelry that cost more than $500 - I just truly don't see the point.

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Re: Biglaw Engagement Ring

Post by Anonymous User » Tue Jan 11, 2022 5:30 pm

Ultramar vistas wrote:
Tue Jan 11, 2022 2:08 pm
Anonymous User wrote:
Tue Jan 11, 2022 1:52 pm
Honestly after shopping for months I did not see any amazing diamonds for $10k. In my search, it was around the $20k mark when the diamonds started getting good, and the $30k mark where the diamonds are really good.
I mean everyone will have different standards but if your future wife is not hung up on the “real” vs “lab” diamond debate (i.e., does she understand it that there is no difference and this isn’t like… moissanite), and you aren’t obsessed with having a diamond that looks perfect under all levels of magnification, then 10k will get you a 2 carat diamond that’s flawless, colorless and brilliant to the naked eye. That’s what I did, and it’s been a huge success. The reactions from other people are always really enjoyable, even if I know I’m being silly for getting such a kick out of it. People always assume it’s like 2x more expensive than it was.
True, lab grown is far less expensive than mined. I'm glad your purchase worked out!

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Re: Biglaw Engagement Ring

Post by Anonymous User » Tue Jan 11, 2022 5:36 pm

Anonymous User wrote:
Tue Jan 11, 2022 4:04 pm
Anonymous User wrote:
Tue Jan 11, 2022 12:41 pm
Anonymous User wrote:
Tue Jan 11, 2022 11:36 am
My ring was a ring that belonged to my grandmother so was free. I have no idea what it's worth, but probably not very much, but it's an interesting 1950s style ring that I like a lot. I personally think solitaire diamonds are boring and expensive jewelry in general is a waste of money, so to each their own. I have also never once noticed a friend's or colleague's ring without them explicitly showing it to me unless it was something unusual that caught my eye. All this to say, if your girlfriend is into flashy expensive stuff, then get her whatever flashy expensive ring you think you can afford. But I would definitely talk to her first about what she thinks is a reasonable amount to spend to make sure you guys are on the same page with financial priorities. If my husband ever bought me a piece of jewelry that cost more than $500, especially without checking in first, I would be a little annoyed.

Do you tell people it was your grandmother's ring, or does it usually not come up? Debating a similar situation.
I find that people don't talk about rings much, but sometimes people who are into fashion history will ask about it. I also could have chosen my great-grandmother's ring, but that one was Art Deco and a little too much for my tastes for everyday wear. I don't really bring up that it's a family ring much, but more because it is just not a common topic of conversation. When I do, though, I suppose some people think it's interesting that it is a family ring and some people probably feel a little sorry for me that I don't have a big honkin' diamond. I personally like that it is a connection to my grandmother -- it makes it feel more meaningful than just something my husband picked out at a store. I totally get that everyone has their own values, but the $$ has nothing to do with what fraction of a person's salary the ring is. I mean, even if my spouse and I were making $5mil a year I would not want jewelry that cost more than $500 - I just truly don't see the point.
Different nosy poster here, but how did your husband know about and acquire your grandmother's ring in the first place? Did he ask your family for it? Or did you give it to him to give to you? I take it he was OK not purchasing your engagement ring himself?

Unlikely, but it would be cool if there was some awesome story behind it like him finding the ring in a random pawn shop, buying it and giving it to you, only for you to then realize it was your grandmother's. Hallmark movie material.

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Re: Biglaw Engagement Ring

Post by Anonymous User » Tue Jan 11, 2022 6:20 pm

Anonymous User wrote:
Tue Jan 11, 2022 5:36 pm
Anonymous User wrote:
Tue Jan 11, 2022 4:04 pm
Anonymous User wrote:
Tue Jan 11, 2022 12:41 pm
Anonymous User wrote:
Tue Jan 11, 2022 11:36 am
My ring was a ring that belonged to my grandmother so was free. I have no idea what it's worth, but probably not very much, but it's an interesting 1950s style ring that I like a lot. I personally think solitaire diamonds are boring and expensive jewelry in general is a waste of money, so to each their own. I have also never once noticed a friend's or colleague's ring without them explicitly showing it to me unless it was something unusual that caught my eye. All this to say, if your girlfriend is into flashy expensive stuff, then get her whatever flashy expensive ring you think you can afford. But I would definitely talk to her first about what she thinks is a reasonable amount to spend to make sure you guys are on the same page with financial priorities. If my husband ever bought me a piece of jewelry that cost more than $500, especially without checking in first, I would be a little annoyed.

Do you tell people it was your grandmother's ring, or does it usually not come up? Debating a similar situation.
I find that people don't talk about rings much, but sometimes people who are into fashion history will ask about it. I also could have chosen my great-grandmother's ring, but that one was Art Deco and a little too much for my tastes for everyday wear. I don't really bring up that it's a family ring much, but more because it is just not a common topic of conversation. When I do, though, I suppose some people think it's interesting that it is a family ring and some people probably feel a little sorry for me that I don't have a big honkin' diamond. I personally like that it is a connection to my grandmother -- it makes it feel more meaningful than just something my husband picked out at a store. I totally get that everyone has their own values, but the $$ has nothing to do with what fraction of a person's salary the ring is. I mean, even if my spouse and I were making $5mil a year I would not want jewelry that cost more than $500 - I just truly don't see the point.
Different nosy poster here, but how did your husband know about and acquire your grandmother's ring in the first place? Did he ask your family for it? Or did you give it to him to give to you? I take it he was OK not purchasing your engagement ring himself?

Unlikely, but it would be cool if there was some awesome story behind it like him finding the ring in a random pawn shop, buying it and giving it to you, only for you to then realize it was your grandmother's. Hallmark movie material.
That would be an amazing story! But sadly not true. We decided to get engaged and then my mom said she would give me either my grandmother's or my great-grandmother's ring (she'd already given her engagement ring to my older sister so I anticipated that something would be coming our way). There was no big proposal where he presented me with a ring on one knee or anything -- we just had a conversation one day and decided that we wanted to be married because we wanted to start a family -- so there was no need for a surprise or anything like that. Probably not super romantic by some people's standards, but we had been together for a zillion years and were living together and neither of us really go in for pageantry. And he was extremely ok not having to buy a ring! He liked the family connection too and it just gave us more money to put toward goals that were more important to us, like saving for a family.

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Re: Biglaw Engagement Ring

Post by Anonymous User » Tue Jan 11, 2022 7:28 pm

Are people really full-on surprising their wives with a ring? I could not even imagine the type of jewelry my wife would want to wear every day for the rest of her life. So, I just asked her what she was looking for in a ring. We sat down and looked at several pictures/makes/styles and got a general idea of what she liked and what she didn't.

There was still plenty of surprise in the end as I ultimately choose the final ring and timing/proposal. I can't imagine dropping that much cash without discussing it with my wife and knowing that she's going to absolutely love the ring.

Back to OP's question - I spent around $17k. After discussing with my wife some must-haves, I knew it was going to be around $15-20k which was a number I was comfortable with.

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Re: Biglaw Engagement Ring

Post by Anonymous User » Tue Jan 11, 2022 8:08 pm

I mean I went with my husband and straight up picked out my ring, so there are lots of ways to do this. (We also skipped the wedding and got married in a judge’s office so I realize we’re not really typical.)

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Re: Biglaw Engagement Ring

Post by Anonymous User » Tue Jan 11, 2022 9:17 pm

Anonymous User wrote:
Tue Jan 11, 2022 7:28 pm
Are people really full-on surprising their wives with a ring? I could not even imagine the type of jewelry my wife would want to wear every day for the rest of her life. So, I just asked her what she was looking for in a ring. We sat down and looked at several pictures/makes/styles and got a general idea of what she liked and what she didn't.

There was still plenty of surprise in the end as I ultimately choose the final ring and timing/proposal. I can't imagine dropping that much cash without discussing it with my wife and knowing that she's going to absolutely love the ring.

Back to OP's question - I spent around $17k. After discussing with my wife some must-haves, I knew it was going to be around $15-20k which was a number I was comfortable with.
I bought a rock from a dealer, then she picked out a setting.

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Re: Biglaw Engagement Ring

Post by Anonymous User » Tue Jan 18, 2022 10:48 am

Who cares what people at work think? Ask your fiancé what she wants and then go get it, if it's reasonable.

For a data point, my ring is 0.7 carat and cost around $4,500 and I haven't noticed people judging me for it (although my husband is not a lawyer). I picked it out myself. I'm petite so I think anything larger would look silly on my finger and I love dainty jewelry. Personally I wouldn't want something gaudy. I have other friends who would prefer a colored gemstone over a diamond, and others who would balk at anyone spending thousands on a piece of jewelry for them. So just ask what she wants. Your co-workers' opinions have literally no bearing on this - only her opinion matters (as long as she's not asking for something you can't afford).

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Re: Biglaw Engagement Ring

Post by Anonymous User » Tue Jan 18, 2022 6:28 pm

I love that this is what gets traction on this site.

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Re: Biglaw Engagement Ring

Post by Goldie9270 » Wed Feb 02, 2022 8:33 pm

Female biglaw associate -- I bought my own ring because I currently make significantly more money than my younger (now) husband-- spent around $22k on a beautiful 1.7ct diamond and setting (three stone, all round) and absolutely love it. With all the money they're throwing at us, part of me wishes I would have sprung for a 2ct., but I would have had to pay like $30k just for a high-quality round diamond. I also feel like 1.7 is big enough to hold its own in any crowd, but not so large that I feel embarrassed or like an a$$hole when I'm getting my nails done or around people who make less money than me.

Remember, sparkle > size.

My $.02!

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Re: Biglaw Engagement Ring

Post by toomuchtoosoon » Thu Mar 31, 2022 11:04 am

Blows my mind that people even care this much. Or care that other people care this much. Imagine working so hard to be so accomplished only to be a slave to other people’s potential thoughts and opinions. Even if those opinions materialize…who cares? We all know what everyone makes. Laughable and bewildering thread. Especially loved the bit about partners judging shoes and bags.

Yeah, that’s how they keep you chained to the desk—pressuring you to buy a bunch of stuff you don’t need that add zero value to your life. That’s also how lawyers get ethically compromised—you begin to go to extraneous lengths to keep the cash flow so you can continue to buy overpriced things you don’t need. Amazing you can be smart enough to practice law at the highest levels but empty and silly enough to fall into this.

Law doesn’t even pay that well when you break down for hourly pay (though that’s getting better). If you’re all so money- and status-obsessed, you should’ve just gotten an MBA. Less loans, less barriers, more upside. Or started a YouTube channel lmao. Amazingly laughable thread. Imagine spending 30k on a ring for what will probably not be your last marriage in the first year or two of practice.

So many assumptions about the economy and the future that you’re taking for granted. Stop putting stress on yourself unnecessarily by basing your life decisions on what a bunch of unhappy partners on their third or fourth marriage or mistress will say, that’s nonsense. Just discuss it with your spouse like a normal person and get something reasonably priced, whatever that looks like for you two. 100k Tesla, 10k watch, 20k engagement ring…all within a few years of starting out. And you’re still not happy, and neither are the people judging you. What’s the point?
Last edited by cavalier1138 on Thu Mar 31, 2022 1:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Outed for anon abuse.

nixy

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Re: Biglaw Engagement Ring

Post by nixy » Thu Mar 31, 2022 11:13 am

Did you stretch before leaping to those conclusions?

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Re: Biglaw Engagement Ring

Post by Labhuershi » Tue Jun 21, 2022 1:51 pm

Female associate here. Surprised that this is still a thing. Worked at two firms in the past four years and have never seen this becoming an issue - no one cares. It's a personal matter.

My ring cost <$6k but SO was doing public interest.

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Re: Biglaw Engagement Ring

Post by Anonymous User » Tue Jun 21, 2022 2:23 pm

Labhuershi wrote:
Tue Jun 21, 2022 1:51 pm
Female associate here. Surprised that this is still a thing. Worked at two firms in the past four years and have never seen this becoming an issue - no one cares. It's a personal matter.

My ring cost <$6k but SO was doing public interest.
Echoing this with one datapoint, my wife is Brazilian-American, born in Brazil but moved to the States when she was young. It's more typical for Brazilian couples to wear matching wedding bands, with no separate engagement ring with gems. I knew that was the case when we got engaged, and I said there was a standing offer for an engagement ring if she ever wanted one, but she's never taken me up on it. We were both biglaw at the time, so we certainly could have afforded it. I asked her if she ever feels like the odd one out, and she said she feels like no one cares at all and she's never gotten any odd feelings about it.

For what it's worth, she loves to drop cash on nice clothes and looks like a million bucks in professional settings, so I don't think anyone could suspect her of not knowing how to be fashionable.

Seriously? What are you waiting for?

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