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iamgeorgebush wrote:what are the schools and financial aid offers? all else being equal, it seems like you should chose NYC, but all else is probably not equal.

JSWright101 wrote: (he's never lived more than 10 miles from his parents and his mom still handles all of his bills for him out of his checking account) and he's not really a risk-taker (as compared to me - I live the width of the country from my family). Any opinions? Anyone have a similar experience trying to convince the SO to take a leap of faith and a jump across the country with you?

Jaqen wrote:Assuming your profile information is accurate: your numbers give you a shot at a Hamilton or a Butler at Columbia and NYU's equivalents. How late did you apply? It may be worth it to sit out a cycle and reapply early.

TooOld4This wrote:Your post reads like you your long term hopes for your relationship are based on either your BF fundamentally changing (you see a future with the person you want him to become) or a general fear of being alone. As an old married person, I will say neither of these lay a foundation for a good marriage. Take sometime to really figure out if you will be happy long term with someone who has a completely different outlook on life, the role of family, and willingness to take risk. You can't convince someone to change these parts of themselves. You may be able to wear them down to agree to do something that goes against their instincts and desires, but that usually plants the seed of resentment. Compromise is critical in all relationships, but compromise requires having a shared sense of the big picture and compatible visions of what a good life looks like. Compromise is about short-term sacrifices, not giving up on your own world view.

iamgeorgebush wrote:

Jaqen wrote:Assuming your profile information is accurate: your numbers give you a shot at a Hamilton or a Butler at Columbia and NYU's equivalents. How late did you apply? It may be worth it to sit out a cycle and reapply early.

one thing to note: OP went to adelphi for undergrad. i don't know much about adelphi, but i get ads for it on spotify, so i imagine it's a TTT undergrad. which is to say it might have hurt OP's chances at HYS/CCN. that goes against TLS conventional wisdom that undergrad doesn't matter, but TLS conventional wisdom is prob wrong anyway.

TooOld4This wrote:First, your BF is right. It would be completely stupid for him to move. He has a job he seems to like, and is unlikely to find comparable employment elsewhere unless he wants to invest in a degree (and doing so doesn't have a ton of upside if he isn't is vested in wanting mobility).

You, on the other hand, have almost no professional need to be anywhere other than NYC, at least in comparison to your BF. NYC is the biggest legal market in the US. It has law schools at every tier. You may want to go somewhere else, but professionally, NYC May be the best place for you to be, and it almost certainly won't be a detriment.

This brings me to the second point. Your post reads like you your long term hopes for your relationship are based on either your BF fundamentally changing (you see a future with the person you want him to become) or a general fear of being alone. As an old married person, I will say neither of these lay a foundation for a good marriage. Take sometime to really figure out if you will be happy long term with someone who has a completely different outlook on life, the role of family, and willingness to take risk. You can't convince someone to change these parts of themselves. You may be able to wear them down to agree to do something that goes against their instincts and desires, but that usually plants the seed of resentment. Compromise is critical in all relationships, but compromise requires having a shared sense of the big picture and compatible visions of what a good life looks like. Compromise is about short-term sacrifices, not giving up on your own world view.



Good luck.

El Principe wrote:

iamgeorgebush wrote:one thing to note: OP went to adelphi for undergrad. i don't know much about adelphi, but i get ads for it on spotify, so i imagine it's a TTT undergrad. which is to say it might have hurt OP's chances at HYS/CCN. that goes against TLS conventional wisdom that undergrad doesn't matter, but TLS conventional wisdom is prob wrong anyway.

I'll have to admit, I had to google who they were, but it's not like Adelphi is Devry. They're not bottom of the barrel in terms of rankings; they're #153 or something like that, and people have gotten accepted from similarly low ranked schools before.

Unless they have a notoriously bad rep, which I would be oblivious to seeing as I'm not from the region, then I think your point about rankings is off.

A. Nony Mouse wrote:

El Principe wrote:

iamgeorgebush wrote:one thing to note: OP went to adelphi for undergrad. i don't know much about adelphi, but i get ads for it on spotify, so i imagine it's a TTT undergrad. which is to say it might have hurt OP's chances at HYS/CCN. that goes against TLS conventional wisdom that undergrad doesn't matter, but TLS conventional wisdom is prob wrong anyway.

I'll have to admit, I had to google who they were, but it's not like Adelphi is Devry. They're not bottom of the barrel in terms of rankings; they're #153 or something like that, and people have gotten accepted from similarly low ranked schools before.

Unless they have a notoriously bad rep, which I would be oblivious to seeing as I'm not from the region, then I think your point about rankings is off.

Yeah, I don't think Adelphi is going to give OP a boost (but nothing does outside of a very small tier of very elite schools), but I don't think they're illegitimate enough to hurt the OP.

jbagelboy wrote:

A. Nony Mouse wrote:

El Principe wrote:

iamgeorgebush wrote:one thing to note: OP went to adelphi for undergrad. i don't know much about adelphi, but i get ads for it on spotify, so i imagine it's a TTT undergrad. which is to say it might have hurt OP's chances at HYS/CCN. that goes against TLS conventional wisdom that undergrad doesn't matter, but TLS conventional wisdom is prob wrong anyway.

I'll have to admit, I had to google who they were, but it's not like Adelphi is Devry. They're not bottom of the barrel in terms of rankings; they're #153 or something like that, and people have gotten accepted from similarly low ranked schools before.

Unless they have a notoriously bad rep, which I would be oblivious to seeing as I'm not from the region, then I think your point about rankings is off.

Yeah, I don't think Adelphi is going to give OP a boost (but nothing does outside of a very small tier of very elite schools), but I don't think they're illegitimate enough to hurt the OP.

I think y'all and OP are speaking past each other. She (or he? not trying to be overly normative here) already applied, and already has a set of possibilities. This isn't a chances issue. On that note, I'm thinking we are not talking about Columbia and Harvard. We are more likely talking about 'Dozo/Fordham/BU/Northeastern. In which case we really need to know COA's and whether moving or law school really makes sense at all.

FWIW, it's not that going to Adelphi or wherever precludes someone from attending HLS or CLS, but it's definitely less likely, culturally & pedagogically, and given the general narrative here we're not looking at those types of choices. No offense intended, OP, and feel free to correct us.

A. Nony Mouse wrote: Well, according to their profile, the OP has a 174/3.9, they're held at CLS and JS1 at Harvard, in at Berkeley, waiting to hear from NYU, rejected at Yale, waitlisted at UCLA (probably YP?). Obviously profile boxes aren't infallible, but I'm a little confused by your comment.

jbagelboy wrote:

A. Nony Mouse wrote: Well, according to their profile, the OP has a 174/3.9, they're held at CLS and JS1 at Harvard, in at Berkeley, waiting to hear from NYU, rejected at Yale, waitlisted at UCLA (probably YP?). Obviously profile boxes aren't infallible, but I'm a little confused by your comment.

That makes more sense. My bad.

I'm still confused as to how that constitutes a decision between NYC and Boston, for example.

jbagelboy wrote:

A. Nony Mouse wrote: Well, according to their profile, the OP has a 174/3.9, they're held at CLS and JS1 at Harvard, in at Berkeley, waiting to hear from NYU, rejected at Yale, waitlisted at UCLA (probably YP?). Obviously profile boxes aren't infallible, but I'm a little confused by your comment.

That makes more sense. My bad.

I'm still confused as to how that constitutes a decision between NYC and Boston, for example.

Big Dog wrote:your BF is correct. Without higher education, he will have a very difficult time finding a job in Boston or the Bay Area, particularly in HR. If he makes a jump and in unemployed, he will be miserable. Then you will be miserable. (The strain will probably take out the relationship.)

Boston is not that far from NY. But if you can get into BC/BU, you can also get into Fordham. That should be your focus.

That being said, are you sure that YOU will be happy marrying down? (Professional school and professional work will change you.)