. Forum

[The ASSET]

What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?


Ones a scumsucking bottom feeder, and the others a fish.

I really hope that this thread refocuses on whats important. More lawyer jokes. No sarcasm at all

What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

Question- What's the definition of mixed emotions?
Answer - Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new car.

[administraight]

In my language "lawyer" (Loja) means "(dog is) barking". For example: Shuo loja - dog is barking.
We call lawyers "dog" for a good reason. Every experience "hiring" a lawyer ended up with some situation, such as: a lawyer that's been paid upfront overslept the court case and then he overslept the second one and then he showed up late to a third one and lost the case in about 7 minutes to.... his room buddy (also a dog) .... a prostitute that he was.....

Once during a home closing a female lawyer told to everyone in the office: "This money is a lot, I wish I could have it all to myself". No kidding! She said that! As a joke, of course, but her facial expression was very greedy indeed. A "professional lawyer/slut" that she is. (Hendersonville, NC; no names mentioned though) I was the one who was getting paid. Slut with a wishful thinking!

To share all my lawyer stories with you it would take me a couple years..... and you will be soon bored as lawyers are always acting as sluts.

Lawyers (dogs) never give you the correct documents and they, like highly paid sluts that they are, always are looking for large give outs.

[Ohiobumpkin]

Gandhi was a lawyer. Tell them by making fun of lawyers they are making fun of Gandhi. Making fun of Gandhi is not okay. Therefore, they are going to hell.

Not if your Pakistani or an African.

[Colonel Angus]

Why are you in a law school forum?

In my language "lawyer" (Loja) means "(dog is) barking". For example: Shuo loja - dog is barking.
We call lawyers "dog" for a good reason. Every experience "hiring" a lawyer ended up with some situation, such as: a lawyer that's been paid upfront overslept the court case and then he overslept the second one and then he showed up late to a third one and lost the case in about 7 minutes to.... his room buddy (also a dog) .... a prostitute that he was.....

Once during a home closing a female lawyer told to everyone in the office: "This money is a lot, I wish I could have it all to myself". No kidding! She said that! As a joke, of course, but her facial expression was very greedy indeed. A "professional lawyer/slut" that she is. (Hendersonville, NC; no names mentioned though) I was the one who was getting paid. Slut with a wishful thinking!

To share all my lawyer stories with you it would take me a couple years..... and you will be soon bored as lawyers are always acting as sluts.

Lawyers (dogs) never give you the correct documents and they, like highly paid sluts that they are, always are looking for large give outs.

[fatduck]

In my language "lawyer" (Loja) means "(dog is) barking". For example: Shuo loja - dog is barking.
We call lawyers "dog" for a good reason. Every experience "hiring" a lawyer ended up with some situation, such as: a lawyer that's been paid upfront overslept the court case and then he overslept the second one and then he showed up late to a third one and lost the case in about 7 minutes to.... his room buddy (also a dog) .... a prostitute that he was.....

Once during a home closing a female lawyer told to everyone in the office: "This money is a lot, I wish I could have it all to myself". No kidding! She said that! As a joke, of course, but her facial expression was very greedy indeed. A "professional lawyer/slut" that she is. (Hendersonville, NC; no names mentioned though) I was the one who was getting paid. Slut with a wishful thinking!

To share all my lawyer stories with you it would take me a couple years..... and you will be soon bored as lawyers are always acting as sluts.

Lawyers (dogs) never give you the correct documents and they, like highly paid sluts that they are, always are looking for large give outs.

obvious Nulli Secundus alt

[administraight]

[quote="Colonel Angus"]Why are you in a law school forum?

I would like to ask the same exact question to you. I saw you posting lawyer jokes, which you think is OK if you do it, but suddenly when I post lawyer jokes it's not OK?

[Colonel Angus]

Why are you in a law school forum?

I would like to ask the same exact question to you. I saw you posting lawyer jokes, which you think is OK if you do it, but suddenly when I post lawyer jokes it's not OK?

Cause your jokes aren't funny.

[administraight]

Why are you in a law school forum?

I would like to ask the same exact question to you. I saw you posting lawyer jokes, which you think is OK if you do it, but suddenly when I post lawyer jokes it's not OK?

Cause your jokes aren't funny.

But of course, that's a cultural thing. Bikääz I'm a foreigner. Foreigner jokes aren't supposed to be funny. I also used to find US jokes quite flat and bland, not funny at all, but I have learned to understand them. So unless you're a teenager, you should be at the stage in your life where you understand a variety of cultures and their jokes. In addition to that, my English is not as good as yours, since I'm not a native English speaker, but if you spoke some of the Lithuanian language (which has about twice as many words in its vocabulary than English does) I am sure you would suck at telling Lithuanian (or Greek, German etc.) jokes as well. So, mate, you should relax more, take a deep breath and learn how to be cool and tell us yet another joke, so we can laugh together. Oh by the way, how about some French jokes? See the video, if you're ready to go foreign:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vQ-bqC7 ... r_embedded

Imagine those are lawyers (top) and their customers (bottom). Or just lawyers.

[administraight]

What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?


Ones a scumsucking bottom feeder, and the others a fish.

Ah-ha-haa-haa-huh? You mean the catfish actually meows and lawyer just farts into your ear? I don't think lawyers are "scumsucking bottom feeders" (very funny indeed... made me see my dentist again; a cracked jaw bone from excessive yawning), they're more like butt-phucking top layers of the society, like a parasite on your back, that's actually never there unless it can get a really deep intercourse with your back pocket. Imagine one phucketing you at $500/hour (you pay, he gets the pleasure) till you drop. Then it's all over my friend.

[JamMasterJ]

Why are you in a law school forum?

I would like to ask the same exact question to you. I saw you posting lawyer jokes, which you think is OK if you do it, but suddenly when I post lawyer jokes it's not OK?

Cause your jokes aren't funny.

But of course, that's a cultural thing. Bikääz I'm a foreigner. Foreigner jokes aren't supposed to be funny. I also used to find US jokes quite flat and bland, not funny at all, but I have learned to understand them. So unless you're a teenager, you should be at the stage in your life where you understand a variety of cultures and their jokes. In addition to that, my English is not as good as yours, since I'm not a native English speaker, but if you spoke some of the Lithuanian language (which has about twice as many words in its vocabulary than English does) I am sure you would suck at telling Lithuanian (or Greek, German etc.) jokes as well. So, mate, you should relax more, take a deep breath and learn how to be cool and tell us yet another joke, so we can laugh together. Oh by the way, how about some French jokes? See the video, if you're ready to go foreign:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vQ-bqC7 ... r_embedded

Imagine those are lawyers (top) and their customers (bottom). Or just lawyers.

This is AMERICAN internet though!!!!!!!!

[Colonel Angus]

What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?


Ones a scumsucking bottom feeder, and the others a fish.

Ah-ha-haa-haa-huh? You mean the catfish actually meows and lawyer just farts into your ear? I don't think lawyers are "scumsucking bottom feeders" (very funny indeed... made me see my dentist again; a cracked jaw bone from excessive yawning), they're more like butt-fucking top layers of the society, like a parasite on your back, that's actually never there unless it can get a really deep intercourse with your back pocket. Imagine one phucketing you at $500/hour (you pay, he gets the pleasure) till you drop. Then it's all over my friend.

So why are you here? You created an account to necro this thread to troll future lawyers. Your foreign sense of humor blows my poor little american mind.

[Sauer Grapes]

I read that dentists are more prone to suicide.

+1

Lawyers poke your wallet, Dentists poke your gums.

At least my wallet only metaphorically bleeds after hiring a lawyer.

Your gums would bleed if you had better oral hygiene. HTH.

[administraight]

This is AMERICAN internet though!!!!!!!!

Really? Oh ma-ma.... does that mean I'm not part of it, even if I live here in the US of America? Damn yankees, you are like those lawyers (just a friendly joke). No wonder your e-CON-oh-my has been duped by layers of lawyers that you're bashing here. Those dudes only now are getting a life.

But then again, makes me think, - what's an "American Internerd"? Aren't all nerds equal? German, South American, North American (CA-US-MX), Japanese, Congolese, Indien, Australian, Indian, Russian, Brazilian, Fijian, Antarctican, you name it. Since this website says "TOP-LAW-SCHOOLS.COM" where daat-kaam means that it's a www = world wide web, no? The domain does not say something like http://www.USA-TOP-SCHOOLS.us - right? Where .US stands for the United States. Even if this website is made only and exclusively for taking a leak, I mean taking a laugh at USA lawyers, I'm here right now, in South Carolina, down South I guess, but still part of the Onion. Right? Otherwise you will have to ban me for being a Lithuanian resident of the United St8s of America, thus breaking rules of the forum, if such rules do exist.

[administraight]

[quote=So why are you here? You created an account to necro this thread to troll future lawyers. Your foreign sense of humor blows my poor little american mind.[/quote]

Sorry, can't help you to make your mind spacier and more accepting of differences. I'd advice if you can't take it then just shut up as USAmericans say and watch your TV soap eating your supersized burger. Again, just a friendly joke.

[administraight]

[quote=]This is AMERICAN internet though!!!!!!!![/quote]

I HEAR YA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[alwayssunnyinfl]

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE?

[heeloftar]

IBTL

[administraight]

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE?

Colonel Anus seems to have loved the French zoophile video that much.

[administraight]

In my language "lawyer" (Loja) means "(dog is) barking". For example: Shuo loja - dog is barking.
We call lawyers "dog" for a good reason. Every experience "hiring" a lawyer ended up with some situation, such as: a lawyer that's been paid upfront overslept the court case and then he overslept the second one and then he showed up late to a third one and lost the case in about 7 minutes to.... his room buddy (also a dog) .... a prostitute that he was.....

Once during a home closing a female lawyer told to everyone in the office: "This money is a lot, I wish I could have it all to myself". No kidding! She said that! As a joke, of course, but her facial expression was very greedy indeed. A "professional lawyer/slut" that she is. (Hendersonville, NC; no names mentioned though) I was the one who was getting paid. Slut with a wishful thinking!

To share all my lawyer stories with you it would take me a couple years..... and you will be soon bored as lawyers are always acting as sluts.

Lawyers (dogs) never give you the correct documents and they, like highly paid sluts that they are, always are looking for large give outs.

Sounds to me like you've met one too many below median TTTT lawyers. Either that or you live in one of those countries where you can practice law with a bachelor's degree. Not good, I know people with 4.0s who cant even advocate what they want for dinner.

Sah, do you think Hendersonville, NC is located in Mexico or perhaps in the United States? Overwhelmingly most of my loja (lawyer) experiences were in the Untied States of America (Ted Dates Erica). On the other hand I have no idea who can practice law where and how, this is why if I ever am in trouble I need a loja. Even now, I have several pending cases and I need a loja, but the ones I found so far (yep, in the USA) were not interested or they were sceptical of my case and all they point out, unless a mind-blowing amount of USD's is involved, they're not gonna be part of my family, not even for a minute.

[Colonel Angus]

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE?

Colonel Anus seems to have loved the French zoophile video that much.

I actually did rather enjoy it, quite funny indeed. You foreigners sure have sophisticated comedy on lock down. I mean doing voice overs to videos of animal sex tapes is quite classy.

[dstars823]

In my language "lawyer" (Loja) means "(dog is) barking". For example: Shuo loja - dog is barking.
We call lawyers "dog" for a good reason. Every experience "hiring" a lawyer ended up with some situation, such as: a lawyer that's been paid upfront overslept the court case and then he overslept the second one and then he showed up late to a third one and lost the case in about 7 minutes to.... his room buddy (also a dog) .... a prostitute that he was.....

Once during a home closing a female lawyer told to everyone in the office: "This money is a lot, I wish I could have it all to myself". No kidding! She said that! As a joke, of course, but her facial expression was very greedy indeed. A "professional lawyer/slut" that she is. (Hendersonville, NC; no names mentioned though) I was the one who was getting paid. Slut with a wishful thinking!

To share all my lawyer stories with you it would take me a couple years..... and you will be soon bored as lawyers are always acting as sluts.

Lawyers (dogs) never give you the correct documents and they, like highly paid sluts that they are, always are looking for large give outs.

Sounds to me like you've met one too many below median TTTT lawyers. Either that or you live in one of those countries where you can practice law with a bachelor's degree. Not good, I know people with 4.0s who cant even advocate what they want for dinner.

Hendersonville, NC is literally the worst place in the country to find legitimate lawyers, NC is already such a ridiculously insular, you probably had a terrible experience with lawyers graduating from NC Central, Campbell or Elon with sub median GPAs who had to go to small towns and start solo practices. NC has far too many law schools and far too many dumb people who think theyd make it as lawyers.

I speak from the fact that i live in NC and have lived here for 19 years

[administraight]

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE?

Colonel Anus seems to have loved the French zoophile video that much.

I actually did rather enjoy it, quite funny indeed. You foreigners sure have sophisticated comedy on lock down. I mean doing voice overs to videos of animal sex tapes is quite classy.

Europeeans are indeed crazy, silly, classy and practically-rude. Since my English sucks I find it hard to tell real jokes in it, but I try. The French video caught my eye and I immediately thought of lawyers and advocates of animals rights. Animal rights to privacy, animal rights to porn as well as animal rights from ridicule by the French.

[administraight]

[quote=] Hendersonville, NC is literally the worst place in the country to find legitimate lawyers, NC is already such a ridiculously insular, you probably had a terrible experience with lawyers graduating from NC Central, Campbell or Elon with sub median GPAs who had to go to small towns and start solo practices. NC has far too many law schools and far too many dumb people who think theyd make it as lawyers.

I speak from the fact that i live in NC and have lived here for 19 years[/quote]

No yes, yes, no. I mean, yes, I mean no, well, yes, but no, but the worst lawyers layers liars lowers lovers levers louvers leuvers lievers loufers loughers laughers (?) I found are in NYC and especially in Floriduh. Those creatures send me letters looking at a stolen identity info and not even realising that the info is a fake. My kid 9 years old could see in an eyeblink that the info was a fake, yet a lawyer in NY couldn't? Then the lawyer laugher was sent a very professionally written letter (written by me) with some sarcasm explaining to him that it wasn't me as they were getting ready to sue the trademark infringer. Yet he had the nerve to send me another "C&D" as if I was the criminal who stole my identity. Happily (for them) they didn't sue me as they would have ended up in New York Times as America's Top Laughing Matter (under "America's Funniest Animal Videos). The difference in IQ usually does the trick.

[togepi]

In my language "lawyer" (Loja) means "(dog is) barking". For example: Shuo loja - dog is barking.
We call lawyers "dog" for a good reason. Every experience "hiring" a lawyer ended up with some situation, such as: a lawyer that's been paid upfront overslept the court case and then he overslept the second one and then he showed up late to a third one and lost the case in about 7 minutes to.... his room buddy (also a dog) .... a prostitute that he was.....

Once during a home closing a female lawyer told to everyone in the office: "This money is a lot, I wish I could have it all to myself". No kidding! She said that! As a joke, of course, but her facial expression was very greedy indeed. A "professional lawyer/slut" that she is. (Hendersonville, NC; no names mentioned though) I was the one who was getting paid. Slut with a wishful thinking!

To share all my lawyer stories with you it would take me a couple years..... and you will be soon bored as lawyers are always acting as sluts.

Lawyers (dogs) never give you the correct documents and they, like highly paid sluts that they are, always are looking for large give outs.

For some reason when I was reading this, I pictured the writer being on crack

[ChikaBoom]

Being an 01 and never having been a lawyer how would I know you ask? Because pilots in the Air Force are not exactly embraced by virtually anyone else in the Air Force. We are thought of as over paid, pampered, womanizing prima donnas that get ALL the good deals and are really only a necessary evil until everything is flown as an unmanned computer drone....

You mean that's not true? You still in?