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Hey TLS,

I've been having a lot of second thoughts about taking the upcoming Texas Bar Exam. I don't think I'll pass and I don't want to waste an attempt.

Is there anyway I can prevent my parents from finding out that I didn't take the exam?

I don't want them to know I didn't take it (if they don't have to) because they've been helping me get by the past few months.

Thanks

Well, they don't put out who sits for the bar exam so I don't think they'd necessarily know whether or not you actually took it, but they do put out a full list of those who did pass it and your name would not be on that list so there's definitely the possibility that they'll think you failed it. But if your plan is to take the next test I assume you're comfortable with that lie.

Vexed wrote:Well, they don't put out who sits for the bar exam so I don't think they'd necessarily know whether or not you actually took it, but they do put out a full list of those who did pass it and your name would not be on that list so there's definitely the possibility that they'll think you failed it. But if your plan is to take the next test I assume you're comfortable with that lie.

Thank you for your response!

I'm comfortable with them thinking I failed it. I just don't want them to think that I didn't do anything while they were helping me pay the bills. I feel like taking the exam would be a waste of an attempt when we only get five.

If you're going in with the mindset that you're in danger of failing the TX bar exam five times (or four more after this assumed failure), it might be prudent to consider alternative career options.

I'm assuming you've put in a good amount of studying at this point anyway. Why not just get some real experience sitting for the exam, so that when the exam is next offered, you're not going in blind? You'll also get important info as far as where you need to improve for the next time.

completely unsolicited but i know personal development completely changed my life - jim rohn, zig ziglar, jordan peterson, les brown, osho, terence mckenna, alan watts, bill hicks, gary v, elliot hulse, goggins, impact theory, london real, ill give rogan a mini shout out, etc. don't know where i would be without youtube.

Bluebird17 wrote:Hey TLS,

I've been having a lot of second thoughts about taking the upcoming Texas Bar Exam. I don't think I'll pass and I don't want to waste an attempt.

Is there anyway I can prevent my parents from finding out that I didn't take the exam?

I don't want them to know I didn't take it (if they don't have to) because they've been helping me get by the past few months.

Thanks

These are your options:

Option A: Take the bar exam and either fail or pass. Use the remaining week wisely and focus fully on the bar exam instead of spending time and mental energy figuring how to lie to your parents. Show up on test day and get your money's worth in real-life practice and possibly pass. Face zero risk of your parents finding out you deceived them.

If you pass, great. If you fail, you can be honest about it and avoid having to spend any time concocting the lie and defending it -- which will eat up even more mental & emotional bandwidth.

It's true that it would count towards your 5 tries limit, but if you actually fail 4 times, it's exceedingly unlikely that you would've passed on your 5th try anyway. (Also, Texas is moving to the UBE in February 2021, and you could preserve your remaining attempts for that later time point. You will likely need the extra time anyway if you've failed 2-3 times.)

Option B: Withdraw now and lie to your parents so they believe you failed. Forfeit that registration fee & chance to practice test day. Due to the lie, be forced to devote precious mental and emotional energy propping up that lie for weeks and months -- and maybe even worse in order to avoid getting found out. (What if they ask you about your score? What if they ask to see documentation? What if someone they know sees you at home on test day? How far are you going to go to keep deceiving your family?)


I mean, I would personally go with Option A. I don't see why Option B would be any better; lying to your loved ones to save your own hide is not only a crappy thing to do, eats up enormous cognitive reserves. Your parents will also be far more upset if they later find out you lied to them.

And listen, attorneys advise people about thorny situations and deal with unpleasant, difficult confrontations ALL THE TIME. Like that's your job as a lawyer. You can use your predicament as an opportunity to practice those soft skills too.

Lying to your parents about this sort of thing doesn't sound healthy. Seems like one of those things that will just lead to more bad things in the future when they eventually inevitably find out that you're not an attorney and lied to them, which will probably be the second they have a friend who wants free legal help, or when you're unemployed down the road (I'm assuming you're not admitted elsewhere). Not passing the bar isn't something that's easy to hide. It'll eventually come out, and the fact that you also lied to them will just make matters worse.

And as I'm sure you know, if they want to find out if you're admitted to practice (in any state), that's easy for them to do provided they can find the state bar's website and search your name.

ipsares wrote:completely unsolicited but i know personal development completely changed my life - jim rohn, zig ziglar, jordan peterson, les brown, osho, terence mckenna, alan watts, bill hicks, gary v, elliot hulse, goggins, impact theory, london real, ill give rogan a mini shout out, etc. don't know where i would be without youtube.

Holy shit no. None of this.

I know they would be able to see if I passed the exam because Texas releases the names and ID numbers of all who pass, but is there a way for them to see that I didn't take the exam at all?

Stop running away from your fears and take the exam. Full stop.

Bluebird17 wrote:Hey TLS,
I don't think I'll pass and I don't want to waste an attempt.
Is there anyway I can prevent my parents from finding out that I didn't take the exam?

What the hell is "wasting an attempt"? You have paid for the exam and you are not going to get your money back if you don't show up. That would be real waste. Ask yourself honestly if what you trying to protect is your ego, in case you fail the exam.
So don't be a liar and a coward, go take the freaking exam.

cavalier1138 wrote:

ipsares wrote:completely unsolicited but i know personal development completely changed my life - jim rohn, zig ziglar, jordan peterson, les brown, osho, terence mckenna, alan watts, bill hicks, gary v, elliot hulse, goggins, impact theory, london real, ill give rogan a mini shout out, etc. don't know where i would be without youtube.

Holy shit no. None of this.

lol get outta here!


forgot to mention to cut out the haters, losers, and negativity - turn the positive vibes to an 11/10

ipsares wrote:completely unsolicited but i know personal development completely changed my life - jim rohn, zig ziglar, jordan peterson, les brown, osho, terence mckenna, alan watts, bill hicks, gary v, elliot hulse, goggins, impact theory, london real, ill give rogan a mini shout out, etc. don't know where i would be without youtube.

nothing like a little rampant misogyny with the rest of the self help dreck.

nixy wrote:

ipsares wrote:completely unsolicited but i know personal development completely changed my life - jim rohn, zig ziglar, jordan peterson, les brown, osho, terence mckenna, alan watts, bill hicks, gary v, elliot hulse, goggins, impact theory, london real, ill give rogan a mini shout out, etc. don't know where i would be without youtube.

nothing like a little rampant misogyny with the rest of the self help dreck.

The rest aren't much better. It's like an all-you-can-eat buffet of men who inspire other disenchanted men to "claim their power," usually by acting more what they think the traditional Western man is, believing inane conspiracy theories, or--in Rajneesh's (Osho's) case--by starting a sex cult. The only secret these men have uncovered is that you can make a great living by convincing other people that you know the secret to living a good life.

OP: Grow up. You're a law school graduate, so I assume you're at least 24. You are past the point of needing to hide minor failings from your parents. You should probably take the bar exam because there's no downside to taking it at this point. But either way, you don't need to hide it from your parents like you're a teenager who just got in trouble for smoking at school.

for real, everyone is like, just grow up, just do this, just do that. its super easy to say but there obvi some underlying work that needs to be done that is probably not going to be that easy. you can use whatever tools you find, don't have to use my people, point is there are tools/mentors out there that can save years of time, pain, and suffering. find something/someone that speaks to YOU - something going to have to click at some point or its going to be rough.

ipsares wrote:for real, everyone is like, just grow up, just do this, just do that. its super easy to say but there obvi some underlying work that needs to be done that is probably not going to be that easy. you can use whatever tools you find, don't have to use my people, point is there are tools/mentors out there that can save years of time, pain, and suffering. find something/someone that speaks to YOU - something going to have to click at some point or its going to be rough.

That's called therapy. There's a reason people need training and education to do it properly.

cavalier1138 wrote:OP: Grow up. You're a law school graduate, so I assume you're at least 24. You are past the point of needing to hide minor failings from your parents. You should probably take the bar exam because there's no downside to taking it at this point. But either way, you don't need to hide it from your parents like you're a teenager who just got in trouble for smoking at school.

+1. That was exactly what I thought as I read OP's post. Yikes. Then I glanced through OP's posting history and double yikes.

This person wants to be an attorney who advises clients with serious problems and handles people & relationships 100x harder than dealing with their mom & dad about something that small? If OP makes it past Character & Fitness, the profession will eat them alive until and unless OP undergoes some serious maturation and growing up asap.

Bluebird17 wrote: I don't want them to know I didn't take it (if they don't have to) because they've been helping me get by the past few months.

Move out and cut off all financial assistance now. You needed to sink or swim 5 years ago, and now you're a full grown bird quivering in the nest because mama and dada won't give you a big unceremonious shove. If they're gonna fall down on the job, then you need to pick up where they left off. Take that first step out of the nest not-so-little-anymore birdie. Enter the real world.

Edit: I didn't even notice the username until after I hit submit.

totesTheGoat wrote: Move out and cut off all financial assistance now. You needed to sink or swim 5 years ago, and now you're a full grown bird quivering in the nest because mama and dada won't give you a big unceremonious shove. If they're gonna fall down on the job, then you need to pick up where they left off. Take that first step out of the nest not-so-little-anymore birdie. Enter the real world.

Edit: I didn't even notice the username until after I hit submit.

^lol, my mother always told us once we turned 18 she had to "make the nest uncomfortable so the birdies would leave"

Also, TAKE THE EXAM. I will never understand why people on these boards think that withdrawing is a good option after all the fees and time have already been invested.

You feel bad that your parents support you financially- I assume they paid/helped pay for the exam, correct? Don't waste even more of their money. Just take it, get valuable experience/practice. You're planning to tell them you failed anyway, what's the worst that could happen? TAKE THE EXAM.

Did I mention TAKE THE EXAM?

Yeah, just take the exam. Worst case scenario, you fail; and you’ve missed one chance out of 5, but you get a real sense of what it entails and are in a better position to retake. Best case scenario, you pass and never have to do this again. And frankly I doubt you have the perspective to accurately evaluate your chances of passing at this point in the process.

(Also, assuming they can afford it, there’s nothing really wrong with them supporting you right now rather than you taking out a bar loan, but what are your future plans? Do you have a job lined up? Do you intend to get one? Taking the exam is the MUCH better choice regardless of which of those is true - assuming you want to work as a lawyer, and if not, why are you even taking the bar?)

nixy wrote:Also, assuming they can afford it, there’s nothing really wrong with them supporting you right now rather than you taking out a bar loan, but what are your future plans?

I think you rebutted your own statement with the question at the end. Some temporary support during a transition period? Perfectly normal and fine. Open ended support to a kid who doesn't know what they're doing with their life and is such a mess that they're trying to surreptitiously skip the bar exam because they didn't sufficiently prepare? Nah.

If you take the exam you might pass. If you don't take the exam there is a 100% chance of failing. Don't be a quitter.

totesTheGoat wrote:

nixy wrote:Also, assuming they can afford it, there’s nothing really wrong with them supporting you right now rather than you taking out a bar loan, but what are your future plans?

I think you rebutted your own statement with the question at the end. Some temporary support during a transition period? Perfectly normal and fine. Open ended support to a kid who doesn't know what they're doing with their life and is such a mess that they're trying to surreptitiously skip the bar exam because they didn't sufficiently prepare? Nah.

Right, I mean, if the latter is what’s going on, I get your point, I was also just pointing out the parental support isn’t necessarily unreasonable. We don’t have a lot of info right now though to say what kind of parental support is going on here.

Thanks for all the responses.

Is there anyone who can provide me a clear yes or no answer regarding whether or not they will be able to find out that I didn’t take the exam? Either by calling the bar or checking online?

Bluebird17 wrote:Thanks for all the responses.

Is there anyone who can provide me a clear yes or no answer regarding whether or not they will be able to find out that I didn’t take the exam? Either by calling the bar or checking online?

Get help. Seriously. This isn't healthy.