how to keep going after a bad 1L. depressed Forum

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blahblahblahggh

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how to keep going after a bad 1L. depressed

Post by blahblahblahggh » Wed Sep 22, 2021 1:38 am

2L. i feel like i've ruined my life because i didn't do that well 1L year. every day i just want to go back to 1L and redo it. the only way i can sleep is by telling myself that when i wake up, this past year will all have been a dream. being rejected from clinic hit me really hard. even though i knew there was no way i could get into clinics with my grades, it sucks because the clinics were why i wanted to go to this law school... i didn't realize EVERYTHING needs an application even once you're in the school. clinics, classes, TA, RA, etc. And it's all based on grades. Creating a cycle where top students have everything on their resume and mediocre are screwed for the rest of their career.

i also have extreme social anxiety, which i've never had before. i feel like people are judging me when i say my firm because it's not the best one where the people with the best grades go. actually i KNOW people judge me and think i'm stupid because everyone gossips about who is at the top firms etc. i crave social interaction but am too scared of being triggered, so spend all my days alone, making my mental health even worse.

i have to work extremely hard this year to be competitive for clerkships while people that succeeded 1L are chilling with their top firm internships, competitive clinics, TA positions, etc. if i had studied more i wouldn't have to live with this depression.

every day is hell for me. i will shocked if i'm still alive in a year. and all because of this 1L year that ruined my entire life and future.

nixy

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Re: how to keep going after a bad 1L. depressed

Post by nixy » Wed Sep 22, 2021 10:00 am

Dude, I mean this kindly: get professional help. Therapy and/or talk with someone about meds. I know your feelings are real in that this is how you really feel, but your brain is lying to you. Your life is not over, your worth is not determined by one year of law school grades. No one is judging you based on your firm, but even if they were, that’s their problem, not yours. Them sucking as people doesn’t mean anything about your worth. (And I can guarantee you that people at the top of this hierarchy you’ve constructed aren’t actually chilling living the good life because they all have their own anxieties and insecurities and pressures. I totally totally get being envious of what looks like their success but you never know what’s going on in someone else’s head. Pretty sure there are people who would have the same reaction to you being a a great school having a firm job.)

Seriously, go talk to someone. You don’t have to feel this way.

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melmelcoolj

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Re: how to keep going after a bad 1L. depressed

Post by melmelcoolj » Thu Oct 21, 2021 2:10 pm

I also go to a top school, and I graduated with 1L with mediocre grades and I also don't work at Cravath. I honestly don't think people judge me for the firm I go to -- and if they do, it's really their problem. I've since RA-ed, TA-ed, and have a very good clinic on my resume because I networked and talked with professors, so they can see me as a person, not as a human body attached to my transcript. My grades are still pretty mediocre, though a lot better than 1L; but it's really your attitude that matters not your grades. I can completely understand the difficulties you feel, but I think it really has more to do with your mindset than the school environment.

I also second getting help; my mental health has improved so much after I started my weekly counseling with a therapist. If it's hard to get an appointment at your school, try outside therapists.

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Wild Card

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Re: how to keep going after a bad 1L. depressed

Post by Wild Card » Thu Oct 21, 2021 10:39 pm

80 to 85 percent of law school grads don't get biglaw, so you're already well ahead of the pack.

In terms of anxiety caused by people who make every effort to assert dominance over you, stay away from those people. Obviously, they are not good people. Surround yourself with good people.

Clinics don't mean much, believe it or not. I review clerkship applications, and one never knows what to make of these things. Unless, I mean, your clinical supervisor writes you a glowing recommendation describing the extensive substantive work you did that made a real impact or something.

Also, it goes without saying that not all the people at the best firms and on law review had good grades. I know a few sub-3.0 students with deep-envy-inducing credentials.

I also know plenty of grads with excellent grades and impressive clerkships who aren't working at the best firms. That's a market problem, and not their fault at all. I'm sure many of them feel deep anxiety and an inferiority complex--I did everything right, etc.--but the market just sucks, and they're obviously very smart and hardworking, etc.

Don't make too much of it. Try to have a sense of humor about everything. Keep trying your best.

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