Quotes from Law School Forum

[itzjulz]

Contracts:
"I'm glad he said that - It'll keep him off the Supreme Court forever."
"Sometimes, all you need is a turkey baster." (both of these are from the same lecture)

Torts:
"They have an Obama Chia Pet?..... Is that racist?"
"You shouldn't throw stones in your glass negligent house."

Civ Pro:
"They say animals can smell fear.... so you have an exam coming up soon?"
"The questions that make you cry.. those are the ones you should answer."
"What are these jello shot things? They sound disgusting." (Same prof who referenced a 7 hour beer pong tournament on our final exam)

[TWoodWil]

As part of my masters degree I had to take two classes from law profs from the university's law school. This is from a course on law in public policy taught by a certain former head of the DOJ Office of Legal Counsel for Reagan and HW Bush -

Question from a student about a presidential signing statement regarding EPA enforcement - "The signing statement basically states that the president will ignore the law. That does not seem like it should be right."

Professor - "I can see that. You know, it does seems like an instance of an administration trying to run around Congress. It is a good example of the possibility of abuse in the sytem."

-- Several minutes later the professor stops discussion about signing statements --

Professor - "Now that I think about it, I wrote that signing statement. I can assure you that the president was fully justified in making that brilliantly written decision."

[Inygma]

As part of my masters degree I had to take two classes from law profs from the university's law school. This is from a course on law in public policy taught by a certain former head of the DOJ Office of Legal Counsel for Reagan and HW Bush -

Question from a student about a presidential signing statement regarding EPA enforcement - "The signing statement basically states that the president will ignore the law. That does not seem like it should be right."

Professor - "I can see that. You know, it does seems like an instance of an administration trying to run around Congress. It is a good example of the possibility of abuse in the sytem."

-- Several minutes later the professor stops discussion about signing statements --

Professor - "Now that I think about it, I wrote that signing statement. I can assure you that the president was fully justified in making that brilliantly written decision."

Haha, thats awesome.

[James Bond]

1L Barbie walking out of her Civ Pro exam, "I just realized Philadelphia isn't a state! Oh well, shouldn't hurt my analysis."

if by barbie you mean blonde and hot, this statement is worthless without pics

[Nietzsche_Addy]

This was the funniest cold-call quote of the semester.

[Ks professor asked sorority girl to recite the facts from an old NY case. I forget the name of the case but there was a farm on the Tonawanda River in NY. If I remember correctly, the names of the parties were fairly uncommon - as in from another country uncommon. However, the main facts were in the first paragraph right under the cite from the NY jurisdiction.]

Sorority girl began with, "Well, the plaintiffs owned a farm, I think it was like in Africa?"

The professor waited for the laughter to subside and said, "Well, I think this case should have been decided by an African court then. Can you please explain why it was decided in an Amercian court?"

[Sorority girl speechless amidst a deafening silence; professor moves on]

[Inygma]

This was the funniest cold-call quote of the semester.

[Ks professor asked sorority girl to recite the facts from an old NY case. I forget the name of the case but there was a farm on the Tonawanda River in NY. If I remember correctly, the names of the parties were fairly uncommon - as in from another country uncommon. However, the main facts were in the first paragraph right under the cite from the NY jurisdiction.]

Sorority girl began with, "Well, the plaintiffs owned a farm, I think it was like in Africa?"

The professor waited for the laughter to subside and said, "Well, I think this case should have been decided by an African court then. Can you please explain why it was decided in an Amercian court?"

[Sorority girl speechless amidst a deafening silence; professor moves on]

Haha, I hope 95% of my classmates are like this. Would make a year full of laughter and a guaranteed top 5%!

[Brucewaynegretzky]

This was the funniest cold-call quote of the semester.

[Ks professor asked sorority girl to recite the facts from an old NY case. I forget the name of the case but there was a farm on the Tonawanda River in NY. If I remember correctly, the names of the parties were fairly uncommon - as in from another country uncommon. However, the main facts were in the first paragraph right under the cite from the NY jurisdiction.]

Sorority girl began with, "Well, the plaintiffs owned a farm, I think it was like in Africa?"

The professor waited for the laughter to subside and said, "Well, I think this case should have been decided by an African court then. Can you please explain why it was decided in an Amercian court?"

[Sorority girl speechless amidst a deafening silence; professor moves on]

This is one of those stories that I can't accept without context. When you read some of these cases the writing style makes it impossible to know what is going on. I still have NO IDEA what happened in the facts of Mullane in CivPro, but I sure as hell got the rule. If a girl had a hard time understanding the context of one case, but got the legal reasoning I can give a pass for not completely getting the facts. Sometimes the facts are the hardest part.

[Nietzsche_Addy]

This is one of those stories that I can't accept without context. When you read some of these cases the writing style makes it impossible to know what is going on. I still have NO IDEA what happened in the facts of Mullane in CivPro, but I sure as hell got the rule. If a girl had a hard time understanding the context of one case, but got the legal reasoning I can give a pass for not completely getting the facts. Sometimes the facts are the hardest part.

I am a pretty forgiving person as well, especially when it comes to misreading or not completely understanding some of the clusterfuck cases that we read. But, this was just wrong. The entire class was laughing as soon as she said Africa. If the other 84 people were able to understand the facts of the case, I don't think that a "pass" is in order. I think it is more like a "fail."

[Nietzsche_Addy]

Hahah.... We had this chick in our section - a typical looking law school chick - start to recite the facts after being called on... the problem is, the facts weren't even close to the same. Yeah - she googled the case, and just started reading as soon as she found something. It was unfortunate for her that it was not even close to the correct case. It is more unfortunate that she didn't realize it, given that the facts she was giving would lead to a property torts case, but we were in crim and on murder.

That must have been great. Every section needs an Elle Woods, minus the part where she finally starts to understand the material. Good for laughs and even better for the curve.

[Nietzsche_Addy]

This wasn't an elle woods, but more like the frumpy chick with an attitude (dark hair-ed chick in the movie). She had this attitude she was smart, then she got busted.

Haha. The bust-downs of the "smart" chicks can be satisfying as well, sometimes even more so. You can almost hear the facade cracking.

[apper123]

This is one of those stories that I can't accept without context. When you read some of these cases the writing style makes it impossible to know what is going on. I still have NO IDEA what happened in the facts of Mullane in CivPro, but I sure as hell got the rule. If a girl had a hard time understanding the context of one case, but got the legal reasoning I can give a pass for not completely getting the facts. Sometimes the facts are the hardest part.

I am a pretty forgiving person as well, especially when it comes to misreading or not completely understanding some of the clusterfuck cases that we read. But, this was just wrong. The entire class was laughing as soon as she said Africa. If the other 84 people were able to understand the facts of the case, I don't think that a "pass" is in order. I think it is more like a "fail."

Hahah.... We had this chick in our section - a typical looking law school chick - start to recite the facts after being called on... the problem is, the facts weren't even close to the same. Yeah - she googled the case, and just started reading as soon as she found something. It was unfortunate for her that it was not even close to the correct case. It is more unfortunate that she didn't realize it, given that the facts she was giving would lead to a property torts case, but we were in crim and on murder.

I had a friend (who I knew never read) who got cold-called and did this. I was frantically gchatting him "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO STOOOOOOP," but it was too late. It was an embarrassing day.

[panda]

haha. these stories are why, sometimes, it's a good thing we don't have internet in our classrooms. sometimes, silence and stuttering is actually better.

[novaman3]

http://twitter.com/ArthurMillerSez

[macattaq]

Torts:

Professor: "So in this case, we have a woman who was sideswiped by a bus..."
Gunner: *cuts her off* "Well, I wouldn't say she was sideswiped."
Professor: "Ok, so she was run off the road."
Gunner: *cuts her off* "Well, she wasn't run off the road, its more like she drove off the road and blamed it on the bus."
Professor: "Ok, so in your version of the case, which is completely unsubstantiated by any of the evidence..."
Class: *Dies*

[eth3n]

Torts:

Professor: "So in this case, we have a woman who was sideswiped by a bus..."
Gunner: *cuts her off* "Well, I wouldn't say she was sideswiped."
Professor: "Ok, so she was run off the road."
Gunner: *cuts her off* "Well, she wasn't run off the road, its more like she drove off the road and blamed it on the bus."
Professor: "Ok, so in your version of the case, which is completely unsubstantiated by any of the evidence..."
Class: *Dies*

180, I love it when professors just destroy people. A prof at my school would just ask "have you read any of the material for this class?" and move on to someone else at the first sign of a mistake.

[Giddy-Up]

In Contracts discussing who has assumes the risk of a motor-home catching on fire while it is in the process of being delivered:

Student: So is it treated as a home or a vehicle while it is in transit?

Professor: Are you currently involved in litigation involving motor-homes that have caught on fire during the process of delivery?

Student: No.

Professor: Well then, jurisdictions differ.

[panda]

Ks class. Case about roach infestation and misrepresentation.

Professor: "Was it reasonable to assume that there would be roaches there? Maybe the area was nicknamed "Roach Alley"? I mean, it is in New Jersey.. "

[macattaq]

Property professor on saying, "I don't know" vs. "it depends".

"Lawyers will never admit that they don't know anything….it's a reflex….it's not that they're arrogant, it's client management. You want the client to knows he came to the right place, that you are a wealth of legal knowledge that is going to figure out all of their problems. Even though in reality you have no clue."

[apper123]

I think Tiger Woods hypos are the new favorite of professors all across the board in all my classes.

[James Bond]

I think Tiger Woods hypos are the new favorite of professors all across the board in all my classes.

Oh come on...you can't leave us hanging like that

[apper123]

I think Tiger Woods hypos are the new favorite of professors all across the board in all my classes.

Oh come on...you can't leave us hanging like that

In Crim Law Tiger Woods finds all kinds of creative ways to kill or incapacitate his wife to keep her from getting $$.

In Ks he's doing everything he can to void the pre-nuptial agreement.

etc. etc.

Nothing really funny... just interesting how he's inserted himself into so many hypos. Mike Leach gets some good airtime too, especially in Ks. Same with Conan.

[superserial]

I think Tiger Woods hypos are the new favorite of professors all across the board in all my classes.

Oh come on...you can't leave us hanging like that

In Crim Law Tiger Woods finds all kinds of creative ways to kill or incapacitate his wife to keep her from getting $$.

In Ks he's doing everything he can to void the pre-nuptial agreement.

etc. etc.

Nothing really funny... just interesting how he's inserted himself into so many hypos. Mike Leach gets some good airtime too, especially in Ks. Same with Conan.

my civ pro final had a jurisdictional problem involving Mr. Oak banging mistresses in a variety of locations.

[macattaq]

Can we get a mod to sticky this thread?

[superserial]

all from my torts professor:

- “I mean, there’s a least a 20% chance that an American jury returns an arbitrary verdict”
- "The law is an ass!"
- On whether the value of driving exceeded the risk of an accident: “Was he going to work or was he visiting his mother-in-law?”
- “Boys will be boys… what it means is… boys will be negligent.”
- “Adultery is a pretty good thing”
- On a psychologist’s special duty to his mentally ill patient: “It’s like having a wild animal on your land that you have to control.”
- “Don’t do it is not as much of a yes or no proposition as it seems. It’s not like pregnancy… there’s don’t do it. And DON’T DO IT!”
- “Is the ten year penalty for rape a price for raping someone?”
- “Once they’re not supposed to drink, why don’t we punish the people who serve them drinks by hanging them?”
- “Go ahead and rape!”
- “So, what duty do you have to trespassers? Can you kill them? Can you set traps for them?”
- “I forgot how I started that sentence.”
- “The kids will come and jump in the pool and drown and you will be responsible. If you put a fence and they jump over the fence, at some point, let them drown.”
- On the Riss/lye in the face case: “A French kitschy novelist couldn’t have written a more sappy story.”
- “I’m still waiting for the clever child to say, ‘Mommy, this is a complete non-sequitur…’”
- On governmental immunity for discretionary acts: “In terms of the parents whose kid spent 12 years in a class for the retarded, this is a retarded answer.”
- “I don’t regret that tort law is not used more aggressively because I am not a great admirer of tort law.”
- Student: Well we don't have that kind of relationship. Special relationship.
Prof: Yes we do. i am your teacher. We have a special relationship.
- "[Lawyers] are what gentlemen become, rather than employees."
- first day of class he walks in, stands in the front, looks around and says "am i in the right place??"
- "history is just something you invent to help your case."
- “Maybe you didn’t like your leg… Maybe walking with a cane, you find very appealing.”
- “Oh, he said ’Boo’ to me, and I was very frightened. I want damages.”
- “Consorting with someone usually has a dirty connotation. It’s a Latin term and you know those Latins. Consortium means ‘sex.’ It means that the wife can no longer provide these sexual services, or it’s not as much fun.”
- on fixing the microphone:
Student: I think it's your technical genius
Prof: uh Huh... I think you are a witch
- "That school would be a public school.... and we know what THAT means."
- "and so he hit and killed an old lady... small damages... she was going to die anyways! ... he probably saved some money!"
- (holding a stack of blank paper) "i just printed 100 pages of paper on the wrong side, so it's blank."
- “if you think I'm manifestly unjust… that sometimes happens”
- “Everybody knows each other in the village, they spy on each other…”
- “As a result, I commit suicide. And then I sue you.”
- "Back in those days, all they had was the tango...and The Flopper"
- “Why isn’t butter a defective product? It gives you heart attack. Why don't we make cows liable for it and give them an incentive to come up with better butter?"
- "I'm sorry, am I blaspheming?"
- "The Godfather makes you an offer you can't refuse... The Polish mafia makes you an offer you can't understand."
- "Butter kills. But not everyone. You could eat butter, and then die in a car accident at the age of 7"
- “It’s got to be 90 legs divided by 20 people. I’m sorry I mean 20 legs divided by 90 people… What is the moral significance of this? Beats me."
- “Who cares about consistency. Only the French care about these things. The French are irrational. They have the metric system. The French Revolution. Everything has to be justified.”
- “We do not know how to make a Harley Davidson safer and a non-sissy instrument.”
- (while pulling his sweater off) “Sorry, I’m going to slowly take off [my sweater]. It’s part of the added entertainment”
- "Lobster without butter is like an eagle without a crown. Does the American eagle have a crown? The Polish one does."
- "I don't have any words of wisdom. I teach law."

[Lane Meyer]

Galvin v. McCarthy:

"Texas, contrary to the wishes of some of its citizens, is not at this point a foreign forum."