Quotes from Law School Forum

[panda]

Civ Pro professor on preparing for law school exams ..

"If you're comfortable, and on schedule, and you feel good.. *pause* .. you probably aren't doing it right.. "

[reasonable_man]

Some of my favorite:

- In response to a wrong answer given by a student: "Can someone tell us why that response is 100% incorrect."
- First day warning: "This is quite literely not rocket science, I've read the cases in this book and there is not one that even touches on the subject of rocket science."
- "I think its best to not trust what anyone tells you as a general policy; but as a lawyer, its your job"
-

[dalilama]

Not a quote.. But I almost shit myself laughing at the guy who fell asleep in the back of Crim today with earplugs in his ears.. Yeh, class is a waste of time, but actually putting earplugs in was hilarious.

[SlipperyPete]

.

[James Bond]

Kid in class today, whose recitation of Taylor v. Johnston (anticipatory breach case involving a contract for one horse to be studded out to two other horses) was replete with sexual innuendo and utterly hilarious: "Okay I'll stop with the jokes. I'm just gonna plow through this case now."

hah, I at innuendo

[Learning Hand]

[Prawf begins cold-calling on the first case for day's reading.]
[Student 1 answers first question regarding procedural history.]
[Prawf turns to student 2, asks another question regarding information in the first paragraph.]
Student: "I didn't get that far."
Prawf: "Ohhhkay." [Prawf moves on.]

[Sequoia90]

Visiting Cornell Law School:

"Westlaw and Lexis are like local drug dealers handing out free crack in schoolyards"

[Mulliganstew]

Gunner brings up attempt to attempt crimes...

Crim Professor: "They're very rare because they're illogical! You don't go out to fail on purpose. Yoda would have something to say about this."

[SlipperyPete]

.

[James Bond]

Stupid girl in Ks last week: [Raises hand] [gets called on] [starts to answer] "I'm sorry, can you repeat the question?"
Me: "Idiot, there's 90 people in this class, just wait for somebody else to answer. You don't have to answer everything."

Same stupid girl in Ks on Monday: [Raises hand] [gets called on] [starts to answer] "I'm sorry, can you repeat the question?"
Me: "Didn't this just happen?"

Same stupid girl in Ks on Tuesday: [Raises hand] [gets called on] [starts to answer] "I'm sorry, can you repeat the question?"
Me: "OH MY GOD"

Did you actually say that loud enough for her to hear. somehow I'm doubtful

[panda]

Visiting Cornell Law School:

"Westlaw and Lexis are like local drug dealers handing out free crack in schoolyards"

this is truth.. i got some of the goods today, in fact..

today, last class of Torts for the semester, talking about duty to warn exceptions, and the conversation gets to Viagra commercials.

Prof. asks class: Do you need a prescription for Viagra?
Several people call out: Yeah..
Prof. : Oh, wow, well, you know, I've never really needed to know that..

*3 second awkward pause*

then the whole class bursts out laughing..

later in the class we were talking about breast augmentation too.. wonderful way to end the semester..

[vanwinkle]

My Crim Law prof doesn't cold call. Instead he badgers us into volunteering.

I don't remember the case, but one day he asked us, "If you were this guy's lawyer, what would you argue as his defense?" The silence was deafening for a long moment, and then he goes, "Nothing, really? You'd all be fired. He should've hired better lawyers."

Earlier in the semester, after he got finished dissecting one person who volunteered an answer, he said, "Alright, now who wants to be wrong next?"

[Kohinoor]

In a rape trial: "She certainly had to realize that they were not going upstairs to play Scrabble." Stay classy, Judge Cole.

[BearDownChicago]

a law school professor teaches a business law ug course. talking about products liability

professor: let's say a circular saw explodes in my face, causing a fire in my garage, burning it to the ground, and i die. what am i entitled to?

student: you are entitled to....

professor: well i just fucking died, so i'm not entitled to jack shit. trick question.

[vanwinkle]

I'm compiling my notes from class into an outline, and I kept writing down random things my professor said over the course of the semester. A lot of them are pretty good.

After describing how Louisiana uses a different legal system than the 49 other states because they derive their law from France and not England: "You may now at this time insert a joke about the French surrendering in war."

Discussing seat belt warning bells: "The seat belt warning in the BMW is like the klaxon that would sound on the Berlin Wall just before one of the guards shot you."

Other random gems:

"If you're a law professor, what can you do for America? Shut up, would be one answer."

"It's kind of like Willy Wonka meets Grey's Anatomy... perhaps that's a poor image."

"How is your capacity to withstand boredom? You're in law school, so it's already fairly decent."

"I don't want to mention the movie Psycho... which I just did."

"This case took place in 1920, so the poor fellow would be dead by now anyway."

"This case just goes to show, a tree grows in Brooklyn until it gets blown up."

Honestly one of the most entertaining professors I will ever have. I loved his class, and I'd take him again.

[Objection]

Property professor:

“You have no idea how persuasive the gentleman who comes to call is.”
“She's just waiting to run out the statute against that son-of-a-gun my son.”
“I don't care whether you're in the pokey or not.”
“It's no fault of yours that you're out of your mind.”
“It's absolutely clear that B can sue the pants off O.”
“I know that O is a sleazebag.”
“It is a piss-poor title searcher who can't find something wrong.”
“All of God's children have heirs.”
“For a married couple without a pot to pee in and a window to throw it out of, everything is community property.”
“When I grew up... I grew up in New York.”
“You're looking at me, Ms. [redacted], as if I sprouted horns.”
“Oh my God, that's Aunt Jane!”
“You think he was pleased? He was mighty pissed.”
“Then we throw in some nasty nasty about Cooke and Ramponi to make things sound right.”
“Jeepers!”
“It takes two people to tango.”
“Bass-ackwards.”
“Equity is loose, but it's not that loose.”
“Then we're in more dimensions than we typically imagine.”
“This was Cambridge, after all, so there was corruption involved.”
“They breed like rabbits in dark corners.”
“...killing people and so on.”
“So what do we do with Nollan and Dolan...other than give them a shamrock?”
“He's an economist...poor fellow.”
“That was filler.”
“Put this in your pipe and smoke it.”
“As long as we're taking our hair down...”
“The State giveth and the State taketh away. Blessed be the name of the State.”
“The remedy won't work. Bye bye!”
“That was in a different country... and besides, the wench is dead.”
"You're close, but I think Ms. [redacted] is closer." <Ms. Redacted hadn't said anything at all>

He also was fond of interrupting a student as soon as the student started speaking with "You got it!" and then referring to what "Mr/Ms [name] said" throughout the rest of the class.

[mikeytwoshoes]

In a discussion of assault:

Cougar-Torts Prof: Let’s say I get on an elevator, and a big, tall man is riding the elevator with me. He looks at me, and says, “You shouldn’t be riding in elevators like this. Men like me could do things to you.” Not me, of course but men just like me.

She used this hypo to tease out the limits of the mere words exception.

Any, and all sexual innuendo in the above is entirely intentional.

[Inygma]

In a rape trial: "She certainly had to realize that they were not going upstairs to play Scrabble." Stay classy, Judge Cole.

LoL

[James Bond]

In a discussion of assault:

Cougar-Torts Prof: Let’s say I get on an elevator, and a big, tall man is riding the elevator with me. He looks at me, and says, “You shouldn’t be riding in elevators like this. Men like me could do things to you.” Not me, of course but men just like me.

She used this hypo to tease out the limits of the mere words exception.

Any, and all sexual innuendo in the above is entirely intentional.

Worthless without pics

[catharsis]

a law school professor teaches a business law ug course. talking about products liability

professor: let's say a circular saw explodes in my face, causing a fire in my garage, burning it to the ground, and i die. what am i entitled to?

student: you are entitled to....

professor: well i just fucking died, so i'm not entitled to jack shit. trick question.

i literally LOL'ed!!

[como]

Visiting Cornell Law School:

"Westlaw and Lexis are like local drug dealers handing out free crack in schoolyards"

You must have been in my civ pro class when there was the guest lecturer from Holland Knight talking about litigation strategy. Right?

[findlayswimmer28]

1L Barbie walking out of her Civ Pro exam, "I just realized Philadelphia isn't a state! Oh well, shouldn't hurt my analysis."

[Drake014]

1L Barbie walking out of her Civ Pro exam, "I just realized Philadelphia isn't a state! Oh well, shouldn't hurt my analysis."

I wish there were more people that dumb in my school.

[findlayswimmer28]

As one of our fellow classmates says, she isn't here to graduate, she's here to find a husband.

[BattlingBarrister]

Ah yes, the coveted Mrs degree.