Getting Married and Taking the Bar Exam Forum

[Baltimore0924]

I recently proposed to my gf and were now considering dates for our wedding. Obviously the Bar is important and I won't be taking it until July 2017. I told her how important this exam is for our future and she completely understands. Is there anyway to have a wedding the first weekend in June? I'd rather it be at the beginning of bar prep than 2 weeks before the exam. We're thinking June 3rd. Any thoughts on whether this is a good idea or not? It's impossible to do it my 2L year because I dont live with her yet as she lives in NJ and I reside in Maryland. Hoping to be a visiting student at Rutgers my 3rd year so we can move in together and plan accordingly. Any thoughts on this process would be great. I'm dedicated to studying and will work relentlessly throughout the week 8-9 if possible. Is there anyway we can have it early June though? I know that's what she wants and I'm trying to be very flexible.

[lilypad144]

I recently proposed to my gf and were now considering dates for our wedding. Obviously the Bar is important and I won't be taking it until July 2017. I told her how important this exam is for our future and she completely understands. Is there anyway to have a wedding the first weekend in June? I'd rather it be at the beginning of bar prep than 2 weeks before the exam. We're thinking June 3rd. Any thoughts on whether this is a good idea or not? It's impossible to do it my 2L year because I dont live with her yet as she lives in NJ and I reside in Maryland. Hoping to be a visiting student at Rutgers my 3rd year so we can move in together and plan accordingly. Any thoughts on this process would be great. I'm dedicated to studying and will work relentlessly throughout the week 8-9 if possible. Is there anyway we can have it early June though? I know that's what she wants and I'm trying to be very flexible.

June 3rd wouldn't be horrible but it's recommended that you put in 10 solid weeks of studying. If you think you will get distracted in the time before June 3rd, which will almost certainly happen, then I would do it earlier if at all possible. I just took the bar exam and I had job interviews throughout and one as late as July 16 and I have to tell you, I really regretted scheduling ANYTHING that close to the bar. If you can avoid it, you should. You'll thank yourself when it comes time to study and focus and of course, you want to make sure you're starting out your first couple of months as a happy newlywed and that will NOT happen if your wedding is immediately followed by two months of hellish bar prep. Yes, it's that bad. Good luck!

[BVest]

I recently proposed to my gf and were now considering dates for our wedding. Obviously the Bar is important and I won't be taking it until July 2017. I told her how important this exam is for our future and she completely understands. Is there anyway to have a wedding the first weekend in June? I'd rather it be at the beginning of bar prep than 2 weeks before the exam. We're thinking June 3rd. Any thoughts on whether this is a good idea or not? It's impossible to do it my 2L year because I dont live with her yet as she lives in NJ and I reside in Maryland. Hoping to be a visiting student at Rutgers my 3rd year so we can move in together and plan accordingly. Any thoughts on this process would be great. I'm dedicated to studying and will work relentlessly throughout the week 8-9 if possible. Is there anyway we can have it early June though? I know that's what she wants and I'm trying to be very flexible.

My advice is don't do it the summer of the bar. If you do it before the bar, the first two months of what should be marital bliss will not be. If you do it after, she may not stick with you all the way to the altar as the happy, fun, confident guy she loves turns into a angry self-loathing, hypercritical dick.

Can you do it in 2016 or early 2017? Mid-Fall or Spring (spring break honeymoon?) with a 3LOL schedule would be easy to handle. I realize you've got the distance issue to work out, but you should be able to figure out, based on grades, if that will work out. (And "we're getting married in October and it would be nice not to start our marriage in separate cities" makes for a compelling PS on a visiting student app.)

Alternately, look to late fall of 2017 or later, so that you're answers to "what about this [table linen/cake/DJ]?" can be more enthusiastic than "Whatever."

If you're set on that time of year, can you do it in May when finals end? You're on the right track though. Early June will be much better than July. Definitely don't do it then.

[NotMyRealName09]

I told her how important this exam is for our future and she completely understands.

Well no, she doesn't, if this is what you're discussing. Your entire May-July for that summer needs to be completely free of anything other than your studying and what you need to do to feel balanced (daily video games after a 12 hour day of studying, weed, whatever). Listen - I totally relate - I threw a ring on her too just before I started law school (to show her I was serious and as a peremptory throwing of the gauntlet so she knows the next three years are going to revolve around my need to succeed in school) , and we agreed we would get married during the summer between 2L and 3L. I had an SA and told them I'm getting married and would like to extend my summer by one week because I was going to take off a week in the middle of my SA, and my firm was cool with that. People are amazingly understanding about getting married.

All your law school, all your tuition, all your time in those three law school years - they are about ONE THING IN YOUR LIFE - PRIMING YOUR FUTURE. QUITE LITERALLY IT ALL LEADS UP TO THAT ONE, SINGULAR EXAM.

Listen, I say this with love and appreciate that your situation is your situation - get married summer of your 2L year. Start that conversation now. Tell her you love her. Tell her you slapped that ring on her when you did SO YOU COULD PROVE THAT YOU LOVE HER AND SHE NEED NOT WORRY, BUT ALSO THAT LAW SCHOOL AND THE BAR WILL AND SHOULD CONSUME YOU UNTIL YOU HAVE PASSED THE BAR. You plan that 2016 summer wedding, you take all the vacation time you need to consummate your love, and then you get back to your shit for one more fucking year to set yourselves up for money for life.

Horrible idea. Terrible. YOU WILL RESENT YOUR OWN FUTURE WIFE AND WEDDING BECAUSE YOU WILL KNOW, AT THAT MOMENT YOU ARE WALKING DOWN THE AISLE, YOU ARE FUCKING WASTING STUDY TIME. You'll hate it. There is no way you won't be distracted and anxious during your wedding knowing how much pain you are in for as soon as it end as you try and make up lost time.

Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Horrible idea. Terrible. Absolutely unadvisable. You have everything to lose, nothing to gain. A wedding can wait for whenever. Your prep for the FUTURE IS ON A FIXED TIME TABLE. It's predictable. You know exactly when you'll need to be completely, utterly unoccupied. Jesus christ don't do it.

[aladdinismyprince]

I recently proposed to my gf and were now considering dates for our wedding. Obviously the Bar is important and I won't be taking it until July 2017. I told her how important this exam is for our future and she completely understands. Is there anyway to have a wedding the first weekend in June? I'd rather it be at the beginning of bar prep than 2 weeks before the exam. We're thinking June 3rd. Any thoughts on whether this is a good idea or not? It's impossible to do it my 2L year because I dont live with her yet as she lives in NJ and I reside in Maryland. Hoping to be a visiting student at Rutgers my 3rd year so we can move in together and plan accordingly. Any thoughts on this process would be great. I'm dedicated to studying and will work relentlessly throughout the week 8-9 if possible. Is there anyway we can have it early June though? I know that's what she wants and I'm trying to be very flexible.

Hey!

I got married in early May, about a week after I graduated and a few days before bar studying was supposed to actually start. I thought the timing was perfect because all my law school friends were still around to come to my wedding, and I got married before any of the bar prep programs started, so they were all able to come my wedding stress-free! I ended up starting my bar prep program about 2 weeks late because of my wedding/honeymoon. I think it was fine. I mean, I only took the bar yesterday so I don't know how I did results-wise, but by the time I got to the last two weeks of bar studying, I was like "this is probably as much as I could have studied anyway." I was really behind the whole time and by no means did I finish the entire program, but I did get about 3/4 through it.

My caveat is that I did have a really understanding husband who did not resent me at all that we spent the first few months of our marriage studying for the bar and packing to move for my new job. If you have a really understanding partner and you get married early enough, the summer before the bar is doable.

Congratulations!

[hopkinsjd]

I'm about to put myself in the same position as OP. I have friends who have gotten married in May and took the Bar. I think it would be smarter to just wait one more year, but I already bought the ring. I'm not going to sit on it for another year. I'm going to stick with the same plan you have and study like hell. I'm told confidence is 98% of the exam anyway.

[Are_we_there_yet?]

I didn't have finals in my last semester. Was a perfect time to do a destination wedding and honeymoon, and even made it back in time to attend the graduation ceremony.

Just finished the bar exam and didn't feel any issues because of this timetable.

[WHJTMG178]

I recently proposed to my gf and were now considering dates for our wedding. Obviously the Bar is important and I won't be taking it until July 2017. I told her how important this exam is for our future and she completely understands. Is there anyway to have a wedding the first weekend in June? I'd rather it be at the beginning of bar prep than 2 weeks before the exam. We're thinking June 3rd. Any thoughts on whether this is a good idea or not? It's impossible to do it my 2L year because I dont live with her yet as she lives in NJ and I reside in Maryland. Hoping to be a visiting student at Rutgers my 3rd year so we can move in together and plan accordingly. Any thoughts on this process would be great. I'm dedicated to studying and will work relentlessly throughout the week 8-9 if possible. Is there anyway we can have it early June though? I know that's what she wants and I'm trying to be very flexible.

As a married man and a recent bar taker, is strongly recommend getting married winter or spring break of 3l year. You want to enjoy the beginning of your marriage. Wedding planning also takes time so you want to be able to focus on that.

[Archilocus]

I got married in the first week of June during bar exam prep time, and we took a week-long trip (not really a honeymoon, it was for my wife's annual conference in her own professional field) at the end of June. I planned my bar study around both events, and I passed easily.

Individual circumstances vary, but with a little planning ahead, there's no reason why getting married in between graduation and the bar exam is an inherently poor idea.

[emciosn]

Wow. Kind of surprised by some of the responses above, but I guess maybe I shouldn't be since it is TLS. Look, I got married in August after the 3L year (so like 2-3 weeks after the bar exam) and everything was totally fine. The wedding was great, I am still happily married and I passed the bar exam no problem. I never felt crunched for time or overly stressed and I was even working part time during that summer as well. I'm pretty sure I even got totally through the study program.

My wife is really laid back and was totally understanding about my study schedule. She did the lion's share of the wedding planning, although I did my part (looked at venues, food, tuxedos, etc.). I just kept at my studying when I had the time, sometimes working later into the night depending on the day, etc. I'm going to say something that may be a little controversial--the bar exam really isn't that hard. If you go through the motions of the study program, it just really isn't. In most states, most people pass (in a lot of states, you could probably say the "vast majority" pass). The people that don't pass by and large go to really poor schools or just didn't put in their time studying--doesn't sound like that is you.

If you have spent any time on these boards, you will know that the TLS community is to a certain extent populated by highly strung strivers. That's toally fine--seems like most of them are extremely successful. But just take the advice you see above with a grain of salt. Studying for the bar will not consume your whole life, especially if you aren't working. You really shouldn't have any trouble acting like an actual human being during bar prep--I didn't any most don't (I can't imagine studying 12 hours a day for the bar--how is that necessary for anyone?). Just compartmentalize that part of your life (but don't let yourself get behind too much) and be happy with your wife-to-be for the other part. I don't think you will have any trouble doing your minimal part in wedding planning and, gasp, maybe even going out and having a living a semi-normal life in the evenings/other free time (dinner, occasional drinks, etc).

In sum, I don't think June 3 is a problem. In fact, I think it is probably better than what I did (although you will have to delay your honeymoon). You had the talk with your SO and she seems to understand just fine. Do you prep and don't be a dick to your SO (again, compartmentalize, have some perspective). I wasn't going to respond until I saw the all caps poster above--give be a break. I have seen some other posts this summer that make it seem like bar prep is this insurmountable mountain of stress and it just isn't. There is no reason that you can't do enough bar prep to pass by a comfortable margin and still treat the important people in your life with the respect/love they deserve. Someday down the road in practice (like when you have real stress/problems) you would think it was silly that you were a dick to your SO about the wedding date over something as silly as bar prep.

Disclaimer: not accusing you (OP) of anything, you seem like you have your head on straight. Mostly in response to other posters.

[Young Marino]

I'm also planning to get married in summer 2017 but I'm thinking after the bar. Not to hijack OP's thread but wouldn't this be a more reasonable option? It seems like in most cases, there is a gap of a few weeks between the bar and starting a job

[jaysnooginz]

Do not under any circumstances get married the same summer as the bar exam.

[NotMyRealName09]

Wow. Kind of surprised by some of the responses above, but I guess maybe I shouldn't be since it is TLS. Look, I got married in August after the 3L year (so like 2-3 weeks after the bar exam) and everything was totally fine. The wedding was great, I am still happily married and I passed the bar exam no problem. I never felt crunched for time or overly stressed and I was even working part time during that summer as well. I'm pretty sure I even got totally through the study program.

My wife is really laid back and was totally understanding about my study schedule. She did the lion's share of the wedding planning, although I did my part (looked at venues, food, tuxedos, etc.). I just kept at my studying when I had the time, sometimes working later into the night depending on the day, etc. I'm going to say something that may be a little controversial--the bar exam really isn't that hard. If you go through the motions of the study program, it just really isn't. In most states, most people pass (in a lot of states, you could probably say the "vast majority" pass). The people that don't pass by and large go to really poor schools or just didn't put in their time studying--doesn't sound like that is you.

If you have spent any time on these boards, you will know that the TLS community is to a certain extent populated by highly strung strivers. That's toally fine--seems like most of them are extremely successful. But just take the advice you see above with a grain of salt. Studying for the bar will not consume your whole life, especially if you aren't working. You really shouldn't have any trouble acting like an actual human being during bar prep--I didn't any most don't (I can't imagine studying 12 hours a day for the bar--how is that necessary for anyone?). Just compartmentalize that part of your life (but don't let yourself get behind too much) and be happy with your wife-to-be for the other part. I don't think you will have any trouble doing your minimal part in wedding planning and, gasp, maybe even going out and having a living a semi-normal life in the evenings/other free time (dinner, occasional drinks, etc).

In sum, I don't think June 3 is a problem. In fact, I think it is probably better than what I did (although you will have to delay your honeymoon). You had the talk with your SO and she seems to understand just fine. Do you prep and don't be a dick to your SO (again, compartmentalize, have some perspective). I wasn't going to respond until I saw the all caps poster above--give be a break. I have seen some other posts this summer that make it seem like bar prep is this insurmountable mountain of stress and it just isn't. There is no reason that you can't do enough bar prep to pass by a comfortable margin and still treat the important people in your life with the respect/love they deserve. Someday down the road in practice (like when you have real stress/problems) you would think it was silly that you were a dick to your SO about the wedding date over something as silly as bar prep.

Disclaimer: not accusing you (OP) of anything, you seem like you have your head on straight. Mostly in response to other posters.

Having read your rebuttal, I stand on my brief. See, e.g., women.

[Baltimore0924]

I've spoken with my fiance and she has agreed on an April wedding of my 3L year. Do you think that is doable?

[jaysnooginz]

I've spoken with my fiance and she has agreed on an April wedding of my 3L year. Do you think that is doable?

Definitely, if you do it well before graduation.

[Jordan77]

Get married during winter break of your 3L year. That is what we did and it worked out well. Of course we were in Arizona... things might be different for you.